Lee says:

If you continue taking testosterone, you will continue to experience changes including increased facial hair growth.

Facial hair is a semi-permanent change because it will continue to grow even if you stop testosterone.

I'm using the term "semi-permanent" to describe facial hair growth because it is possible to undergo electrolysis or laser hair removal and stop the hair from growing forever, but this is often not covered by insurance and can be expensive-- you may pay a couple of hundred dollars if you want all of the hair removed and continue taking testosterone.

In the meantime, here are some shaving tips:

Other helpful links:

Other Temporary Hair Removal Methods:

Luckily, there are plenty of resources out there on facial hair removal. Many trans women have written about it and posted video tutorials, and you can start there, or you could look at resources targeting teenage boys who are learning to shave. Plenty of people shave, including plenty of cisgender women, including many with PCOS, so shaving wouldn't necessarily out you. But the accumulation of testosterone changes over time might.

If you have concerns about skin irritation or want to explore hair removal options, a dermatologist can provide professional advice.

But ultimately, you should consider whether staying on testosterone is more important than staying in the closet. Eventually, it is unlikely that you will be able to have it both ways, and you will need to choose between staying on T and coming out.

You have a right to privacy regarding your medical information and treatments. You are not obligated to disclose the reason for the changes in your appearance to anyone. But that doesn't mean that people won't figure it out anyway, even without you saying anything.

Think about how you might handle increased scrutiny over time, especially as changes become more noticeable. A short-term solution might be lying and claiming you have a hormone imbalance, for example, but could lead to more questions or require the maintenance of a narrative that isn't true. Then you'd have to explain why you aren't getting treated for your fictional condition as the changes progress, and you may end up pretending to be part of a community that you are not which can be offensive to people who actually are dealing with those conditions.

If there's a reason why you aren't coming out and admitting to being on testosterone, that's also important to consider as the risks of being involuntarily outed increase the longer you stay on T.

If you're worried about being kicked out, for example, you can't just hope that you won't be-- you have to be putting a plan into action to prepare for that possibility, including getting a job, saving your money, starting to look for apartments to rent or alternative housing, etc, because you need to operate under the assumption that you will be found out at some point so it's more of a matter of "When" and not "If".

Some people might decide that the safety risks of being outed is not worth the benefits of staying on T if they're in a situation where they would be abused or otherwise put in danger if outed. Having an escape plan is even more important in that situation, regardless of whether you stay on T.

Even if you come out that doesn't mean that you necessarily want facial hair, so shaving or even laser hair removal may be in your future, but I would definitely weigh the risks of being outed against the benefits you hope to get from being on T, then weigh those benefits against the changes that you aren't happy with.

You may decide that you'd like to work with your testosterone-prescriber to try something like switching to a lower dose of testosterone and taking a DHT blocker like finasteride to see if it can slow the changes you're getting so they happen less quickly.

Anyway, my recommendation is start with a trip to the pharmacy, buy some hair removal supplies (whether it's a depilation cream or a razor and shaving cream) and then go to YouTube to figure out how to use it!

If you really want to avoid stubble, a hair removal cream may be your best bet, but it isn't great for sensitive skin and the chemicals are a little scary sometimes.

Also always read the packaging for the manufacturer's instructions, especially for things like hair removal cream, because they can cause chemical burns if you leave them on your face for too long.

Just a refresher for followers who aren't sure about the visible/audible testosterone changes:

Followers, any tips or resources on facial hair removal for anon?

Lee says:

As you know, it can be stressful to be in the closet! Being closeted can take a toll on your mental health because you constantly feel like you're hiding a part of who you are, and that can be tiring.

When you tell your friends that you're a trans man and don't disclose that you actually identify as a non-binary person, you're still closeted.

You're no longer hiding your trans identity and you can feel more comfortable expressing yourself as you are, so it may still be a relief, but you're still keeping something back, keeping something hidden, and passing yourself off as someone who you aren't.

I would encourage you to come out as non-binary to someone (or even multiple people, if you have multiple people) who you feel that you can trust.

If you're having difficulty accepting yourself as a non-binary person, having people around you who help affirm your identity can be very helpful; asserting your non-binary identity can also help you feel more valid because you're bringing it into your life and accepting it as part of who you are.

Claiming your non-binary gender is especially important for someone who is still unlearning transmedicalism for that reason.

While I do believe that coming out as non-binary is a good idea, I recommend doing so with several caveats. Coming out is often a necessary step in our transition journey, but it is true that many people do not accept trans folks and do not believe that non-binary people even exist.

Coming out and subsequently facing rejection from those around you can have an even larger toll on your mental health than being closeted does; while you're no longer hiding who you are, you may be facing an increase in transphobic rhetoric and harassment, or even physical violence.

I always tell people to stay closeted if they don't think that it's safe to come out. If someone is a minor (or otherwise dependent on a person) who may physically or emotionally abuse them, they should wait to come out until they have a safety plan in place and are ideally more independent and able to survive without the financial/logistical support of their guardian/caregiver.

There are many gradients between coming out to a dangerous parent who is likely to abuse you and coming out to a friend who will be a jerk about it; sometimes it is worth coming out to people who may not accept you because it will allow you to surround yourself with only those who actually support you, and it may even help educate someone who wasn't as familiar with the trans community and make them more accepting.

All that being said, I do believe that sometimes it's okay to be 'closeted' about being non-binary even when you're out as transgender! You're not letting down the non-binary community if you don't always shout that you're non-binary from every rooftop.

Being out as non-binary is often more difficult than being out as a binary trans person in places with a very binary culture. That's a controversial statement, but I do genuinely believe it to be true if you control for other factors such as gender expression and the ability to pass as cisgender.

I don't think that you need to shoulder the burden of educating your entire region on non-binary identities; sometimes it's just easier to let people think that you're a binary trans guy, if that's something that they understand and maybe even accept, instead of explaining what it means to be non-binary and then having to defend the existence of your gender.

If you think that there are some people, like causal acquaintances, classmates, or colleagues, who may not understand or accept non-binary identities, and who you don't really care to 'show the real you' to, then you should feel free to go ahead and let them think that you're binary.

I don't think you owe anyone an explanation of your gender identity; you're not a bad person for telling people that you're a trans man when you're actually non-binary.

It's not a moral/ethical issue to present only part of your identity to others because you're afraid of facing discrimination; you're not pretending to be a trans man to get something that you don't deserve. Everyone deserves support and acceptance and understanding.

As folks who have followed our blog for a while may know, I personally identify as genderqueer and use they/them pronouns, and I'm out as non-binary to all of my friends and family. But I use he/him pronouns at work and am 'closeted' to my boss as a binary trans man instead of 'out' as a non-binary person. I'm also recently post-transition which has allowed me to be 'stealth' at work when I'm interacting with coworkers or patients, so I sometimes don't come out as transgender at all, and let people assume that I'm a cisgender man.

I don't think it's a necessary use of my time or energy to explain that I'm non-binary to my grandparent's neighbors, but I do want my partner to know that part of me because it's something that forms who I am.

I present different facets of my gender to different people in my life, depending on how often I interact with them, how much they mean to me, and how comfortable I am with them. So I am not judging you because I literally do the same thing!

But it can be valuable to come out as non-binary to at least some of the people who you are the closest to, whether that's your partner, best friends, supportive aunt, or another meaningful person in your life.

That doesn't mean that you have to come out as non-binary to them right away if you're not ready for it, but it is something that you should consider doing at some point in the future.

It's not all-or-nothing, or like you have only one chance to come out; it's possible to tell some of your friends that you're a binary trans man and then tell them that you're actually non-binary a couple of months later!

It is true that rapidly switching your label may make some people think that you aren't confident about your identity and that it may be a passing fad that you'll get over, but over the years they should see that it's something that you are sticking with.

And even if it does turn out to be a passing phase for you, that's okay too-- you don't need to know every element of who you are yet.

You might be "pretty sure" that you're non-binary today, but find out that you're actually [insert other label] in another 6 months, and if that happens, you need to accept it without being ashamed or embarrassed about 'getting it wrong' the first time. You have a whole life ahead of you, and there's plenty of time to figure out what label you like the best.

When I came out as a cisgender lesbian at age 13 I never would have thought that I'd be identifying as a genderqueer transsexual at age 23. I didn't even know that non-binary people existed then, and when I found out that being non-binary was a possibility for people it took me a while to unlearn by internalized transphobia and accept that it's not only a valid identity but also one that actually applies to me!

So yeah, I've changed labels more than once and that isn't a bad thing! I learned more about myself in the process. My transition wasn't a straight line from A to B--- nothing about me is straight! I went through an evolution as I figured out who I was, and that's a natural part of growing up.

I wish you the best in your coming out journey, whatever path you choose to take, regardless of whether you tell folks that you're non-binary or a guy. Do whatever makes you the most comfortable, and don't be ashamed of who you are. Easier said than done, yes, but with time, therapy, and surrounding yourself with a supportive community, it is possible to be accept yourself.

Followers, any advice on unlearning transmedicalism and accepting yourself for anon?

Lee says:

If you are in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

I can tell that your partner your relationship are both important to you.

Disregarding your partner's request for an indefinite wait before you start testosterone is not an easy choice for you or you would have already started testosterone.

That choice might be difficult for you if you are concerned that your partner will leave you if you start testosterone, and there isn't an easy answer to solve that dilemma.

Struggling to find a way to keep your relationship intact while also meeting your own needs for your body and health is frustrating and scary and hard when the two things to conflict with each other, and it seems to be more difficult because your partner is either not willing or able to understand your needs even though it seems like you've clearly communicated the stakes of this decision for you.

But your partner should not be controlling your medical decisions. You are an adult. He does not own you. You have the power to break up with him and you can leave him for any reason. You do not need his permission to start testosterone.

Of course, the converse is also true; your partner is not required to stay in a relationship with you. He may break up with you if he is not comfortable with dating someone who is on testosterone and has the associated physical changes.

While it's easy to say "If you want to start testosterone then you should start testosterone," it isn't easy to make that choice when it can have an associated cost.

People who have never been in a long-term and serious relationship, and/or a toxic and/or abusive relationship sometimes reply with comments like "Just dump him and start T!" which is not helpful and ignore that people often have a lot tied up in relationships; you may be living together, you may rely on his income, and you may just not be emotionally ready to just break up and end things right now, especially without a solid support system in place.

Leaving is never easy, or there wouldn't be a single person who chooses to stay in an abusive relationship. Even when there isn't any financial reason that makes it hard to leave, people often can't picture life without their partner, and it can be hard to imagine leaving someone when you love them deeply, even if the relationship isn't healthy and is preventing you from thriving and surviving.

But it is always possible to leave, no matter what it may feel like. It can be undeniably difficult, but it is always possible to have a life and future ahead of you without that person in your life.

I'm not trying to say that your partner is abusive, or that your only solution is to break up. But I am saying that your health and well-being needs to be your first priority, and that you have options that you might not be aware of or able to conceptualize, even if you can't imagine having any options right now.

All of that is my way of trying to acknowledge and affirm that what you're going through isn't easy because I don't want people dismissing your dilemma as having an obvious solution.

Right now, you aren't able to see the paths available to you, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. While I don't have a magical solution for you, I do have some advice.

My advice is pretty simple. You are clearly not in a good place right now. When the only solution you can see to this problem is 'attempt suicide so he will understand,' you need to get help from someone who is able to genuinely help you, and that is not a Tumblr blog for trans teens.

I strongly recommend that you see a therapist and a psychiatrist to help you with your suicidal thoughts.

Please do not attempt suicide to try and show your partner how serious you are about starting testosterone. If you think you won't be able to make it until your appointment with a mental health provider, call a suicide hotline and they will talk you through some options for de-escalation and help connect you to resources.

If you're already in therapy, you need to discuss what you're feeling with your provider, and consider whether a more intensive treatment plan would be helpful. Intensive outpatient programs and partial hospitalization programs can help you get through a rock-bottom period, and hospitalization can help you survive a crisis moment.

In my lifetime, I've been suicidal too. But thanks to treatment and transition, I came through the other side of things. I survived, and I'm still here, and I know that you can survive too.

You’ll be able to discuss a good path forward to figuring out how to start T and manage what will happen with relationship with your treatment providers.

General info:

Getting a therapist:

Once you have a therapist: