limp-wristed autistic

A little girl in my 4th grade class came up to me after recess and said, “I got married at recess!” and I said “Oh? I didn’t know anyone was ordained under the age of twelve.” and she asked me what ordained meant and I explained and then she said “Oh, well, no, my wife and I were married by the slide, but we’ll be happy together anyway.”

So apparently on school playgrounds, slides are already legalizing same-sex marriage.

They warned us it would be a slippery slope.

well, when in loam 🪱

id: worm emoji

[ID: Picture of an orange cat with it's face scrunched up, looking angry and like it is taking a bite out of a mostly-eaten corn on the cob in front of it. The text over the image reads "You're afraid to be corny but I was born of the cob" /end ID]

TEEN HORSE GIRL MOVIE WHERE THE HORSE DIES AN HOUR IN AND THE SECOND HALF IS THE GIRL LEARNING OCCULT SCIENCE TO REANIMATE IT SO SHE CAN WIN THE BIG DERBY

Necroprancer

TAGLINE: YOU CANT BEAT THIS DEAD HORSE

[ID: a hand balled into a fist with four dandelion clocks twined around its fingers to look like brass knuckles. the caption reads "any last wishes?". end ID]

confusing Odysseus and Orpheus is like confusing a liar and a lyre. send post

Looking back, Nobody found this funny.

love the word “rapscallion”. like not only are you a rascal but you’re also kind of spring onion about it too

I see you've noticed my overhead mural of mushrooms. That's myceiling.

I make perfumes that smell like blood, phlegm, black bile, and yellow bile. They're not very good yet, but I'm trying to improve my scents of humor.

Achilles wouldn’t have died if he was wearing OSHA approved work boots.

Don’t let workplace safety be YOUR Achilles heel.

this rules

Yeah dude who do you think catches your freshly cut salmon

the bear catching your salmon

when something’s kinda rad, but not too rad

I fucking hate this website 

id: photo of a radish

Can you imagine a little fairy under here? 

via fairy witch cottagecore vibes

There it is! The Mush Room!

My new home. Yes. I live here now.

Haha looks like that relationship didn’t work out… didn’t work out et al.

her tits are plaguing me call that boobonic

boba T

if this doesnt give you balls i dont know what will

id: photo of a plastic cup of boba tea with a thick straw; a sticker for Testosterone Cyprionate has been stuck on the cup’s side