Summary: Juice is being distant because of the secret he keeps from the club (season 4 events) until one day he speaks to (Y/N).

"Where are you going?" (Y/N) asked Juice when she woke up to him getting ready at 8am.

"Shit, did I wake you up?" he whispered, trying to avoid his girlfriend's question.

"It's okay... where are you going Juicy?" she asked him with a soft voice, still half asleep.

"Club business."

"This early?"

He just nodded while buckling up his belt, actively avoiding to look at her. He couldn't bare lying to the people he loved, especially to her.

"Will I see you tonight?" she asked.

"I- I don't know. We have something to take care of tonight... with the club."

"Juice, this is the first time in almost 2 weeks where we get to spend some time together. When am I gonna see you?"

He sighed. "I know, I'm sorry. It's just the whole drug thing... and the cartel, it's all new to us. We're gonna need some time to adjust. I'm gonna make it up to you, I promise."

"I don't like this whole cartel thing Juice. I- I wouldn't be able to cope if something- anything happened to you."

Her words made the guilt inside him build up even more. He couldn't promise her that nothing would happen to him and that's what hurt him the most. Not when he was in danger of getting kicked out of the club with what Roosevelt was holding against him.

"You're gonna be fine baby."

"What's that supposed to even-"

"Go back to sleep, it's early. I'm gonna try my best to come see you tomorrow" he said quietly while leaning on the bed and kissing her lips.

She sighed. "I love you."

"I love you too."

He had already left the room and a few seconds later (Y/N) heard the front door closing.

Juice had been acting weird for the past couple of weeks. All of a sudden he was distant and seemed extremely out of it. His eyes looked dead and he was always speaking as if he was whispering, as if he didn't want to be heard.

The next day (Y/N) was trying to call him all day. After dozens of missed calls and text messages she finally gave up and decided to call Chibs.

Thousands of scenarios went through her head while she was waiting for the Scotsman to pick up: Juice could be in trouble, in serious danger, arrested, kidnapped, even dead. Or he could be with someone else, he could be cheating, he could...

"Aye, (Y/N), what's up?"

"Hey Chibs" she said, her voice breaking.

"Hey, what's wrong? you sound a little..."

"I just wanted to ask you about Juice. I've been trying to call him all day and he hasn't picked up. I am so worried Chibs. Is he with you guys?"

"No, he's not. I haven't seen him in two days actually."

"Two days? He was supposed to be with you guys last night." The nervousness in her voice was more than apparent now and Chibs was definitely sensing it.

"I'm sorry love."

She was at loss for words and already trying to fight back tears.

"Did you have any contact with him at all?"

"No" he said slowly before sighing.

"Chibs, if you're hiding something from me I swear-"

"I'm not (Y/N), I'm not. And I'm just as worried as you are."

The tears started streaming down her face with Chibs' words.

"Can you call him? Maybe he just didn't want to talk to me."

"Don't think like that. Juicy boy loves ya (Y/N)" he told her since he realised she had started thinking that Juice could be cheating on her.

"Just try to contact him... please. And if he gets back to you please let me know. Even if it's something you think I wouldn't want to know."

"I'll try to call him, go by his house or something. And I'll let the guys know as well."

"Thank you Chibs."

Juice was nowhere to be found. Not that day, neither the next or the day after that. When he finally showed up at the clubhouse he was wearing a black hoodie with the hood over his head and his eyes looked more lost than ever.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Chibs asked him the second he lifted his head and saw him approaching him and Tig as they were sitting outside the clubhouse.

"Just... wanted to be left alone for a while. Clear my head" he said looking down.

"You could at least say something. Let us know that you're alright. We were worried brother."

"I know man, I'm sorry."

"It's not us you should be apologizing to" Tig said only to receive a weirded out look by Juice in return. "(Y/N)'s been so worried these past few days."

Juice sighed.

"Hope you didn't burry yourself in some other chick cause-" Chibs said but was quickly interrupted by an offended Juice.

"What? No, of course not."

"Why haven't you been picking up ya phone then? You better get back to the poor girl."

"I will. I just needed some time to myself."

"Taking time to ourselves doesn't mean going M.I.A. for days Juicy."

"You should call her... now! Or I will" Tig blurted out.

"Okay, okay. I'm gonna call her. Don't do anything stupid!"

The truth was that he was dying to see her, tell her everything that he's been keeping inside of him for the past few weeks, hug her, cry in her arms, but he knew that his overthinking had already fucked things up. He had been ignoring her for days now and that was something that could not be undone. He didn't have the guts to face her, tell her what's going on, but even worse he would never be brave enough to lose her.

He decided to stay in the clubhouse for a while in order to take some time to think and find the courage to finally call her.

A couple of hours later (Y/N) decided to head to the clubhouse to see the guys and ask them if they had anything new on Juice. She had decided to go on a walk to clear her head, which would eventually lead her to the clubhouse.

"(Y/N)!" Chibs blurted out once he saw her.

"You here to see Juicy? He's in his room" he told her casually once he stopped hugging her.

"What? He's here? Why didn't you tell me anything?" Her heart was pumping loudly.

"He told us he'd call you and... I didn't want to intervene."

She shook her head while tears were filling her eyes and without even saying anything to Chibs she started heading towards Juice's dorm.

She was walking down the long hallway when she saw him exiting his room, relieved to see him finally, yet still very angry.

The biker froze the second he saw her and stood there adjusting his hood for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"Juice! Where have you been? I was so worried, why haven't you been picking up? Are you okay?" she overwhelmed him with a bunch of questions.

"I'm okay baby. I'm fine, I'm sorry for not getting back to you, I..." he couldn't find the right words. Mostly because there was no excuse, apart from the things he couldn't tell her.

"What's going on Juice? We're not even talking anymore. Where's all of this going?"

He sighed and as he breathed out he decided to attempt to tell her the truth. Or at least a part of it. Or whatever would come up.

"Come in, please. I have to talk to you" he told her and the next second they were in his room with the door shut behind them. (Y/N) noticed the tears that were starting to build up in his eyes.

"What's up Juice? What is all this? You've been ignoring me for days, avoiding my calls and now you show up all of a sudden and I only find out because I randomly decide to show up here."

"I'm sorry baby, I know I fucked up, it's just... Shit's been real hard lately. I don't know what to do and how to do it and all the thoughts in my head just keep building up and-" his voice broke as he was trying to swallow back his tears.

She immediately hugged him and as he was crying on her shoulder she was caressing his shaved head.

"Tell me what's wrong Juice. I just wanna help you but you're gonna have to let me in first." When she pulled back from hugging him, her eyes focused on a small purple mark that was now visible on his neck since the fabric of his hood had moved a little to the side.

"What the fuck? What is this?" she asked him suddenly with an angry look, when she had mistaken the strange mark for a hickey. She tried to move his hood further to the side but he was quick to stop her by grabbing her hands while looking at the side, unable to make eye contact with her.

"So that's what caused all this, huh? The guilt that was building up because you decided to destroy or relationship?" she scoffed. "I can't believe this, I was going insane being worried for days, not even knowing if you're alive or not while you were getting laid... not even bothering to fucking call me, I-"

She covered her face with her hands.

"It's not..." he tried to speak but the words couldn't come out his mouth yet.

"What? It's not what I think it is? I cannot believe you" she shook her head.

In a couple of seconds that felt like years to him, he built up the courage to remove the hood from his head and let the big mark on his neck do all the talking, since he wasn't able to do it himself.

The moment she realised her mistake she froze. The 'misterious' mark was a bruise and the part of it she had seen earlier was a tiny fraction of it. It was now obvious that it was spread all around his neck.

"Who- Who did this to you?" she asked him ready to burst out crying. She couldn't even bare the thought that the obvious had happened. That he did this to himself.

She was close to him now, touching the bruise with her fingertips.

"Juice" she whispered while looking at his eyes. "Why?"

He started crying before burying his head in his hands. "I don't fucking know" he said between sobs.

"Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"Because I couldn't bare the thought of losing you."

"I'd never leave you baby. Please tell me what's wrong."

"I can't. Not right now."

"Then when? When you do something that'll make me lose you forever?"

He quickly wiped a tear that had just run down his rosy cheek.

"Does it have to do with the club?"

He looked down, still crying.

"Tell me" she insisted but her voice was soft.

Not a single word could come out of his mouth since he was holding back tears. Instead he just nodded, his eyes never leaving the ground.

"What did they do to you Juice? I swear-" she blurted out angry.

"Nothing! Nothing... not yet."

"What does that even mean?"

"I got myself into some shit" he said after a while before sitting on the side of his bed and (Y/N) was quick to do the same.

He looked at every possible direction before looking at her again. "The new sheriff. He's- he's been threatening me."

He started getting teary-eyed yet again and took a second to breathe.

"I had to do some bad shit (Y/N). Harmful shit to the club."

She saw him struggling so she didn't want to ask him about what he did.

"If- if they find out..." he couldn't even finish his sentence before putting his head on her shoulder to cry.

She hugged him and started caressing the side of his face.

"What do they got on you baby?"

He pulled out of her hug and looked to the side.

"My father... he was Black... and there's some rule of the club", he took a deep breath before continuing, " I can't be a member basically."

She had the most curious look on her face. "But... you guys have been doing business with the nineres and-"

"It's not the same."

"Look I don't know what kind of dumb racist rules your club has... the guys know you and they trust you. They wouldn't have a reason to-"

"I told you this is not how it works. I just- if they find out, I'm through. They'll kick me out and god knows what-" he broke out in tears again and she couldn't help but hug him.

"Apart from you this club is all I got. This kutte is all I got. I don't want this to sound like you're not enough for me, I-"

"I get it."

"Getting accepted into the club... it was the first time I felt like I belonged somewhere. Like I was a part of something. I can't lose that."

She hugged him yet again and they both stayed in that position for a while. Comforting silence all around.

"I love you Juan Carlos Ortiz. You are the most selfless, kind-hearted and lovable human I've ever met. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives... and if someone can't see that, that's on them. I just want you to know that whatever happens, whatever you decide to do, I'll always be here for you, no matter what. We'll get through this... together. I just need you to promise me that you'll always tell me what you're going through and what's bothering you. I don't want you to go through something like this all by yourself ever again."

He nodded and after a while, as their faces were getting closer to each other, they kissed with all the tenderness they were deprived off the past few weeks.

"I love you (Y/N). I don't know what I'd be without you."