Rogue: Frosch, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Frosch: Hell no.
Rogue: (gasp) What did you say?
Frosch: Frosch said Frosch don’t want any damn vegetables
Makarov: I know one of you is responsible for this. So repeat after me: “If I withhold the truth, may I go straight to Hell, where I will eat naught but burning hot coals and drink naught but burning hot cola…
Wendy: (Scared) Where fiery demons will crush me in the back!
Natsu: (Casual) Where my soul will be chopped into confetti, strewn upon a parade of murderers and single mothers…
Gajeel: (Nervous) Where my tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds. *Cue shrieking bird) NATSU DID IT! THAT NATSU RIGHT THERE!
Natsu: Gajeel!
When a woman says nothing’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, that means EVERYTHING’S wrong! And when a woman says something’s not funny, you’d better not laugh your ass off!
Gildarts to Natsu, probably
Cana: There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality.
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life’s problems!
Cana Alberona, probably
Natsu: (sees a pregnant woman) My god! That woman’s swallowed a baby!