Rogue: Wasn’t the world supposed to end in X792??? That was a good plan who fucked that up
Minerva: some anime protagonist with the power of friendship probably
Minerva: I'm not going to be one of those whining teenagers who looks at their father and says, "I hate you. I wish you were dead."
Rogue: But?
Minerva: But I hate him and I wish he was dead.
The harvester ant is THE most venomous creatures in the world, next to Minerva.
Erza Scarlet, probably
If you like Talking, you might also enjoy Shutting Up. It's like Talking except you don't fuck up everything all the time forever and ever.
Minerva Orland, probably
Rogue: You asked me to treat you the same way as I do Sting, remember? But the only way I could do it was to treat Sting with MORE respect.
Rogue: and the filthy things that man says... We ended up coming to blows.
Rogue: Rufus and Orga had to step in and pull us apart. How can I ever treat him like you?
Minerva: ...I think... you may have approached the problem the wrong way.
Sting: It's 9:01 and Yukino Aguria is officially late for the first time ever. (deep breath) Alright, let's do this! Who's got theories?
Rufus: Uhh... Alarm didn't go off!
Sting: All three alarms? All with battery backup? Come on! Who wants to take this seriously?
Orga: Ooh! She was taken in her sleep!
Sting: That's what I'm talking about! Super dark, Orga, but more plausible than Rufus's idiotic alarm clock theory.
Minerva: I bet she tucked herself in the bed too tight and got stuck.
Frosch: Maybe she fell into another dimension where she's interesting.
Rogue: (comes into the room) It's 9AM. Why is no one working?
Sting: Yukino is a few minutes late and we're all trying to guess why.
Rogue: I'd like to play. I'd say she's... in line at the bank. (nods like that's his final answer) This is fun.
Sting: It is fun, but you're all wrong! She clearly slipped through a subway grade and is having TERRIBLE sex with a moleman!
Everyone: (giving Sting wtf expressions)
Yukino: (running in through the guild doors)
Sting: There she is! (faking anger) Yukino! Where have you been? We have been WORRIED SICK! Do you care to explain yourself?!
Yukino: I'm just 70 seconds late! It's not a big deal, don't worry about it!
Rogue: (arms crossed) Yukino, you will tell us and you will tell us now.
Yukino: ...
Yukino: (pouting) There was a problem at the bank...
Rogue: (claps his hands together and cheers) HOT DAMN!
Minerva: You're smiling, did something good happen?
Rogue: Can't I just smile because I feel like it?
Frosch: Sting tripped and fell in the parking lot.
Sting: Man, you get me drunk enough and I'll make out with just about anyone.
Rogue: He's not kidding. One time at a party someone dared him to kiss me on the lips...
Rogue: and the idiot used FULL TONGUE ACTION.
Minerva: Recreate this. NOW.
Sting: I don't think--
Yukino: Shut up and start drinking!
Minerva: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.
Yukino: What??
Minerva: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?
Minerva: Would you shoot your best friend in the leg for ten million dollars?
Sting, to Rogue: Dude shoot me, and then when my leg heals we can buy a huge ass house and range rovers.
Rogue: Hey you can shoot me too and then we’ll have twenty million dollars.
Sting: Good thinking. Fuck the system.
Minerva: Did you see that?
Yukino: What?
Minerva: Rogue gave Sting the nod.
Yukino: What nod?
Minerva: The "let's hook up after training" nod.
Minerva: I know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.
Yukino: What’s the other one?
Minerva: I don’t know. I’ve never had to use the other one.
Natsu: There’s seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?
Rogue: Have everyone stand
Yukino: Bring three more chairs
Sting: The best seven of the lot can sit down
Minerva: Kill three
Rogue: Wait, did I just kill that guy?
Minerva: No, he's not dead.
Minerva: He's probably just bleeding internally and being a total baby about it.
Erza: You have an awful personality.
Minerva: Don’t get my personality and my attitude mixed up, because my personality is me; my attitude depends on you.
Yukino: (pouts) Aw, I didn’t want whip cream.
Minerva: (smiles softly and stands up with the drink) Don't worry, I'll go fix it for you.
Sting: (takes a sip of coffee) This isn’t soy. (pushes cup towards Rogue with hopeful eyes)
Rogue: Sucks to be you. (pushes coffee back over to him and proceeds to drink his own)
Minerva: Yes, I know, another one of my ex-guild members went all revengey, but... There's a new mage in Fiore. Direct competition for Sabertooth's Twin Dragons.
Sting: He doesn't have to be competition.
Minerva: Would you prefer a sidekick?
Natsu: No, not a sidekick. More like an equal... or an ally. Even a partner maybe.
Minerva: (long silent, judging stare)
Natsu: (quietly) ...speaking was the wrong choice. I see that now.