Makarov: *about the mess in the guild* Get this piece of trash out of here!
Gray, turning to Natsu: You heard the old man, get out of here.
Makarov: What are you gonna bring to Christmas dinner?
Laxus: My negative attitude and sparkling personality.
I'm gonna need that tie back. That's my lucky funeral tie. Every time I wear it, I'm not the dead guy!
Makarov Dreyar, probably
Makarov: (explains serious situation in the guild to Gajeel)
Gajeel: (scribbling furiously)
Makarov: What is that?
Gajeel: A chart showing just how much I care about everything you said.
Makarov: This is just says ‘zero fucks given’.
Gajeel: Exactly.
Makarov: Attention, guild members! As you know, we publish a literary magazine called "The Fairy's Tale" --
Macao: We do?
Bixlow: Since when?
Wakaba: Huh, the more you know.
Makarov: WELL, we do! This morning, I recieved word that the Fiore Civil Liberties Union has filed a lawsuit to force us to publish an extraordinarily obscene essay
Entire Guild: (starts cheering)
Makarov: (heavy sighs and gives up on his point)
The roads might be different, but the place we end up in is the same. I mean, think about it. If they truly are Fairy Tail mages, they're destined to be together once again. At least, that's the way I hope it works out.
Makarov Dreyar (to Doranbolt, post-Tartaros arc)
Gray: That old man, he can fuss.
Natsu: I think he like to scream at us.
Gray: Probably, he means no harm.
Natsu: He’s really very short on charm.
Gray: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Natsu: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Makarov: Enough of that!
Gray: Natsu, are there rocks ahead?
Natsu: If there are, we all be dead.
Makarov: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Happy: Anybody want a peanut?
Lucy: Excuse me, girls. Might I take a peek at your gazebo reservation form?
Erza: (in drunken state) Beat it!
Lucy: (chuckles) Yeah, well. We each have a good case.
Cana: What part of “beat it” didn’t you understand?
Lucy: Mmm…I guess that would be the “it”. I’m not too sure to what that refers, as the-Ow! (gets smacked by a booze bottle on her forehead)
Levy: Oh, it’s hopeless. They’re some she-males in gazebo three, a nasty-looking spider in gazebo six, and the less said about gazebo eight, the better.
Lucy: Ah, Master. Thank God you’re here. We reserved gazebo seven and look. (points at the gazebo)
Makarov: Jeez, how many gazeboes do you girls need? (walks into the gazebo) Booze me, brats! (Cana tosses him a cold one)
Levy: Why do we live in a guild where the smartest have no power and the stupidest run everything? Maybe I should just move back to Blue Pegasus guild.
Makarov: Attention, brats. It’s time once again to choose a gym class for the coming quest so let’s all prove how adult we can be by filling the gym in a calm and orderly manner. Even though it’s first come, first serve, and the most popular sports fill up fast.
(A mass hysteria takes over as Fairy Tail mages rush to the gym.)
Cana: (gets trampled) Ahh! Too many wee ones!
Elfman: This gets uglier every year! Any sign of Natsu and Gray?
Gajeel: No, and if those idiots don’t get here soon, it’ll be T.S. for them.
Levy: (at tethered swimming) I don’t feel right
Makarov: So, you’re in trouble again.
Natsu: Drink some cranberry juice.
Makarov: What? No, not “urine trouble!" You are in trouble.
Makarov: I wasn’t born yesterday, you know.
Laxus: Yeah, no doubt about that.
You know what they say: A little childhood trauma builds character.
Makarov Dreyar, probably
I hope they find the punk who did this, and I hope they cut his head off!
Makarov Dreyar
Makarov: (grimly) There’s someone out there in Ryuzetsu Land who has committed an atrocity! If you know who cut off the statue’s head…I don’t care if your brother, your sister, your daddy, or your mommy…(cheerfully) Turn'em in and this Master Makarov will send you a free slide-whistle just like Laxus!!
Cana: Master, you are too ugly to be a guild master.
Makarov: That is impossible.
Cana: No, it's true!
Makarov: I am a guild master. You don't have to be good looking to be a master!
Cana: I'm sorry, have you SEEN the Sabertooth's guild master?
(Cut Scene to Sabertooth)
Sting: Goodness, I've dropped all my papers. I better pick it up before Rogue scolds me... (Bends over to pick it up, giving everyone a nice view of his ass)
All the Sabertooth members: (dreamily enjoying the view of Sting's ass)
Makarov: I know one of you is responsible for this. So repeat after me: “If I withhold the truth, may I go straight to Hell, where I will eat naught but burning hot coals and drink naught but burning hot cola…
Wendy: (Scared) Where fiery demons will crush me in the back!
Natsu: (Casual) Where my soul will be chopped into confetti, strewn upon a parade of murderers and single mothers…
Gajeel: (Nervous) Where my tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds. *Cue shrieking bird) NATSU DID IT! THAT NATSU RIGHT THERE!
Natsu: Gajeel!
Makarov: Nice work
Laxus: Thanks, dad (the entire guild stares at Laxus) ….Why is everyone staring at me?
Gray: You just called Makarov your dad. You said “Thanks dad
Laxus: What? No, I didn’t. I said "thanks old man”
Makarov: Do you see me as a father figure Laxus?
Laxus: No, if anything I see you as a bother figure cause you’re always bothering me!
Erza: Hey! Show your father some respect!