Not to be a cold emotionless asshole, but I really didn’t cry in End Game. If you did, you’re valid. You can be emotional about the characters you love. I’m not holding that against anyone. However, I will object to the idea that this film was the most emotionally intense film. That I should have cried -- which I was told, repeatedly, would happen! It didn’t, because I don’t have it in me anymore.

Infinity War already did that for me. It opened with a distress call from a refugee ship where Asgardian civilians, including children... were being slaughtered. Not in the “snapped out of existence” way. Slaughtered. Thor was being tortured by Thanos. Heimdall was stabbed to death. Thanos choked and snapped Loki’s neck in one of the most intimately violent scenes on screen. 

I saw Thanos violently abuse Nebula. I saw him massacre Gamora’s people at the same time grooming her for violence, then ultimately killing her after she had survived his abuse, his manipulation, and learned to live for herself and her own found family. The snap was a horrible, traumatizing event. I understood that, but I also understood that this was fixable. 

All of this, though? When I talked about this stuff in the past, people told me to calm down. People told me it’s just a movie. People told me my anger and upset was fake! This. hurt. me. Where are those people now? Oh, suddenly it’s okay to take End Game seriously. It’s okay to be emotional about a movie. A big tear-jerker, this one. Sorry, I don’t have any feelings left. 

I just don’t fucking care.

Steve Rogers let Steve Rogers stay on ice so that he could date/marry Peggy. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about it. If Steve Rogers eventually does melt in that timeline, hows he gonna feel about Steve Rogers dating Peggy? What if Peggy invites melted Steve Rogers over to dinner to meet her boyfriend, and he shows up and it’s Steve Rogers. Are they gonna have one of these moments:

I can just imagine it now:

Steve Rogers glaring at Steve Rogers from across the table. Steve Rogers gets up to get some butter for the table, because Peggy could sense the tension in the room and the lack of butter on the table for the dinner rolls was a good enough excuse to get Steve Rogers out of the room. Steve Rogers and Steve Rogers both go to stand up at the same time to retrieve the butter. Steve Rogers asserts dominance: Please, allow me to get the butter. Steve Rogers sits back down and leans over to Peggy as Steve Rogers leaves the room. “I don’t like your boyfriend.” Steve Rogers is referring to Steve Rogers. 

Alright, here’s my Avengers: End Game time travel rant that no one asked for. I know some of you get real cranky about spoilers, so it’s all under a read more and it’s tagged “endgame spoilers.” You’ve been warned.