Too many Fandoms

I just know that Sam Wilson bribed every casting director in town so they offer Bucky to play himself in Rogers the Musical. I JUST KNOW IT

AJ: How come you told Bucky about the surprise party? Now it won't be a surprise.

Sam: Oh, Buddy, at your age a surprise is a big thrill. At Bucky's age, they're already rubbing two paddles together and yelling "Clear!"

Sarah: You can take the kids for a week, right?

Sam: Sure but why?

Bucky: I asked your sister to go on a vacation with me. We are sharing a cottage right by the water.

Sam: How convenient, Sarah. If Bucky annoys you too much you can drown yourself or even better... drown him.

Sam: Bucky? You're bi?

Bucky: Water is wet. My arm isn't flesh and blood. I lost my virginity to Steve. Sarah is hot.

Sam: What?

Bucky: Sorry, I just thought we were stating obvious things.

Sarah: Did you just say I'm hot?

Sam: DID YOU JUST SAY YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY TO-

Bucky: I should have been the one to kill Hitler. Instead I'm the 107 year old who put mouthwash on his penis.

Sam: YOU DID WHAT?

Bucky: You heard me. Remember after the cookout last year?

Sam: You mean the first time you slept with my sister? Yeah, I obviously remember that, asshole.

Bucky: Well, I was in the bathroom right before... you know? Just to clean up a bit because-

Sam: *glares*

Bucky: Doesn't matter... Anyway, I saw the mouthwash and for some reason my brain went oh that tastes way better than soap. And... I had a point. The smart part of my brain wasn't there to tell me I was being a fuckhead.

Sam: Because that part doesn't exist.

Bucky: Actually it was bec- Never mind. Yes, it doesn't exist let's go with that one so we both survive this conversation. Anyway, I decided to do it like aftershave. I just-

Sam: Spare me the details, Buck.

Bucky: Alright. So then I'd done it but there were two things I hadn't thought through. The first one was the sensation. It was like burning and cold at the same time. I don't know if you've ever fucked a microwave during a blizzard but... it's unusual.

Sam: I'm scared of what the other thing was.

Bucky: Oh, you should be because the other thing I hadn't thought through was that... she was gonna notice ...because that's not what penises taste like.

Sam:

Sam: So.... is there a reason you were named after the gay president?

Bucky: Every time I go to dinner it seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner. I'll sit down at the breakfast table I can talk while they're not able. When I look at them I find there's a single question on their mind. I wish it could go back to the way it was. It's not easy now because... My whole family thinks I'm gay. I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk makes them think I like... boys. That I like boys. The goddamn question just won't go away and I get asked every single day. But the way they ask it is not a disguise like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?" This is the worst, baby, this was my fear. Now their opinions are crystal clear because... My whole family now is shocked I'm in the closet and the door is locked. Now my glory days are gone. I was John Elway now I'm Elton John. My whole family now suspects hanging with Steve had side-effects. I'm not gay and that's what I said. If I'm gay, hey, God, strike me dead, you know... *coughs* That's weird. Just 'cause I'm on the cheer-leading team and my birthday party had a Broadway theme... When I go outside, what do I see? That the clouds in the sky spell F-A-G because I think that God might think I'm gay. What does He know anyway? John Walker gave me a present just last year and the card said: "Happy Birthday, queer!" My whole family thinks I'm fab there's a guy's butt - "Hey, Buck, take a stab! C'mon... why doesn't he get women? There's no other way!" It's 'cause I'm traumatized, not 'cause I'm gay, alright? Not 'cause I'm gay. Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow or my favorite color is the rainbow. Heh... that was a joke. I don't mean to yell but I fear I must 'Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust because even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay... just kiddin'! Because my whole family thinks I'm gay. What did they know anyway? You gotta look right through the haze my uniform kink was just a phase. My whole family thinks I'm queer that is all I ever hear but I've been as straight as a ramp if you don't count Bible camp.

Captain America and The Winter Soldier as Bo Burnham quotes

Bucky Barnes

Sam Wilson

Karli Morgenthau

Zemo

Sharon Carter

Sam: Sarah isn't answering her phone.

Bucky: I'll try calling her.

Sam: I tried to call her three times and she didn't pick up. What makes you think-

Sarah: Hello?

Bucky: Every time I get a crush on someone I'm really sarcastic and mean to them.

Sam: That's weird. You're always sarcastic and mean to me.

Bucky: Yeah, don't think too hard on that one.

Sarah: The food is too hot. I can't eat it.

Bucky: You're too hot and I still eat you.

Sarah: *giggles*

Bucky: *winks at her*

Sam: ONE DINNER! I JUST WANT ONE DINNER!

Bucky "can't lie to save his life" Barnes having a secret relationship like:

Bucky: *walks into the Wilson house* Sarah? Baby?

Bucky: *sees Sam*

Sam: ...

Sarah: ...

Bucky: It's not what it sounded like. I didn't say baby because we're in a relationship or something like that.

Sam: Then why did you?

Bucky: *panics* We are having a baby together!

Sarah:

Bucky asking the Wakandans to make Sam a new and safer suit has the same energy as Jaime Lannister gifting Brienne of Tarth new armour and a Valyrian Steel sword.

Bucky: What can I bring to cookout?

Sam: Napkins. Can you handle that? Dry ones this time. And if they say Starbucks on them, I swear to God, Buck.

Sam and Sarah keep arguing who Bucky's favorite Wilson is until they've had enough and finally ask him but Bucky doesn't even look up from whatever he's doing and goes "Cass. AJ is a close second but only because I don't like that he keeps introducing me to people as the Fall Soldier." without any hesitation.

Bucky: I'm Bucky 😏

Sarah: Oh 😳 Sarah 🥰

Bucky: Sarah 🥰

Sam: