AJ: How come you told Bucky about the surprise party? Now it won't be a surprise.
Sam: Oh, Buddy, at your age a surprise is a big thrill. At Bucky's age, they're already rubbing two paddles together and yelling "Clear!"
Bucky x Sarah - The Nanny AU
Sarah is the rich widow with two kids to take care of. Bucky is the broke disabled veteran without any childcare experience but Sarah's children fall in love with his metal arm instantly.
AJ: Mr. Bucky? Can your vibranium arm vibrate? I'm asking for my mom.
Bucky: *chokes on his coffee and coughs*
AJ: ...
Bucky: *wheezes* Why exactly are you asking that?
AJ: My mom never wants to buy herself an electric toothbrush but makes Cass and me use them because it makes teeth brushing easier. If your arm can vibrate, you can use a regular toothbrush and make it vibrate so my mom's teeth get as clean as Cass and mine.
Bucky: ...I'll keep that in mind...
Bucky: I should have been the one to kill Hitler. Instead I'm the 107 year old who put mouthwash on his penis.
Sam: YOU DID WHAT?
Bucky: You heard me. Remember after the cookout last year?
Sam: You mean the first time you slept with my sister? Yeah, I obviously remember that, asshole.
Bucky: Well, I was in the bathroom right before... you know? Just to clean up a bit because-
Sam: *glares*
Bucky: Doesn't matter... Anyway, I saw the mouthwash and for some reason my brain went oh that tastes way better than soap. And... I had a point. The smart part of my brain wasn't there to tell me I was being a fuckhead.
Sam: Because that part doesn't exist.
Bucky: Actually it was bec- Never mind. Yes, it doesn't exist let's go with that one so we both survive this conversation. Anyway, I decided to do it like aftershave. I just-
Sam: Spare me the details, Buck.
Bucky: Alright. So then I'd done it but there were two things I hadn't thought through. The first one was the sensation. It was like burning and cold at the same time. I don't know if you've ever fucked a microwave during a blizzard but... it's unusual.
Sam: I'm scared of what the other thing was.
Bucky: Oh, you should be because the other thing I hadn't thought through was that... she was gonna notice ...because that's not what penises taste like.
Sam:
#I'm sorry#but#Daniel Sloss#got into my head#and i could not let this scene go#james buchanan barnes#bucky barnes#sam wilson#sarahbucky#buckysarah#WATCH DANIEL SLOSS LIVESHOWS ON NETFLIX THANKS#incorrect marvel quotes#incorrect tfatws quotes#incorrect caatws quotes#tfatws#captain america and the winter soldier
Sam: So.... is there a reason you were named after the gay president?
Bucky: Every time I go to dinner it seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner. I'll sit down at the breakfast table I can talk while they're not able. When I look at them I find there's a single question on their mind. I wish it could go back to the way it was. It's not easy now because... My whole family thinks I'm gay. I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk makes them think I like... boys. That I like boys. The goddamn question just won't go away and I get asked every single day. But the way they ask it is not a disguise like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?" This is the worst, baby, this was my fear. Now their opinions are crystal clear because... My whole family now is shocked I'm in the closet and the door is locked. Now my glory days are gone. I was John Elway now I'm Elton John. My whole family now suspects hanging with Steve had side-effects. I'm not gay and that's what I said. If I'm gay, hey, God, strike me dead, you know... *coughs* That's weird. Just 'cause I'm on the cheer-leading team and my birthday party had a Broadway theme... When I go outside, what do I see? That the clouds in the sky spell F-A-G because I think that God might think I'm gay. What does He know anyway? John Walker gave me a present just last year and the card said: "Happy Birthday, queer!" My whole family thinks I'm fab there's a guy's butt - "Hey, Buck, take a stab! C'mon... why doesn't he get women? There's no other way!" It's 'cause I'm traumatized, not 'cause I'm gay, alright? Not 'cause I'm gay. Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow or my favorite color is the rainbow. Heh... that was a joke. I don't mean to yell but I fear I must 'Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust because even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay... just kiddin'! Because my whole family thinks I'm gay. What did they know anyway? You gotta look right through the haze my uniform kink was just a phase. My whole family thinks I'm queer that is all I ever hear but I've been as straight as a ramp if you don't count Bible camp.
Captain America and The Winter Soldier as Bo Burnham quotes
Bucky Barnes
Sam Wilson
Karli Morgenthau
Zemo
Sharon Carter