Bucky Barnes is the Nick Miller for Nerdy girls. No, I won't elaborate.
I just know that Sam Wilson bribed every casting director in town so they offer Bucky to play himself in Rogers the Musical. I JUST KNOW IT
It's Pride Month so let's all agree here and now Evan Hansen is not straight. Bucky Barnes is not straight. Dean Winchester is not straight. Jack Kline is non-binary. Castiel is gay. Sherlock is gay. John Watson is bisexual. Peter Parker is not straight. Michelle Jones is not straight. AS A GENERAL RULE IF YOU WANT THEM TO BE LGBTQ+ THEY ARE. Headcanons are always valid whether writers agree with you or not. It doesn't fucking matter. Interpretation exists for a reason. Fuck people who disagree.
Bucky Barnes is everyone's "favorite crime"
I said what I said
Hear me out
"good 4 u" makes me think of a salty Post-Endgame!Bucky Barnes
AJ: How come you told Bucky about the surprise party? Now it won't be a surprise.
Sam: Oh, Buddy, at your age a surprise is a big thrill. At Bucky's age, they're already rubbing two paddles together and yelling "Clear!"
Bucky x Sarah - The Nanny AU
Sarah is the rich widow with two kids to take care of. Bucky is the broke disabled veteran without any childcare experience but Sarah's children fall in love with his metal arm instantly.
Sam: Bucky? You're bi?
Bucky: Water is wet. My arm isn't flesh and blood. I lost my virginity to Steve. Sarah is hot.
Sam: What?
Bucky: Sorry, I just thought we were stating obvious things.
Sarah: Did you just say I'm hot?
Sam: DID YOU JUST SAY YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY TO-
At first no one knows if Sarah and Bucky's daughter is going to inherit his super soldier abilities. The first giveaway is when the little girl throws her Bobby Car at Bucky during her first tantrum. That happens when she's only 16 months old. Bucky easily catches it yet can't help but let out a surprised gasp. Surprisingly the toddler rarely uses her super strength to get what she wants from Sarah. Sam blames it on Bucky coddling her. Bruce says it might be an instinct for her to know Bucky is, just like her, stronger than the average human.
AJ: Mr. Bucky? Can your vibranium arm vibrate? I'm asking for my mom.
Bucky: *chokes on his coffee and coughs*
AJ: ...
Bucky: *wheezes* Why exactly are you asking that?
AJ: My mom never wants to buy herself an electric toothbrush but makes Cass and me use them because it makes teeth brushing easier. If your arm can vibrate, you can use a regular toothbrush and make it vibrate so my mom's teeth get as clean as Cass and mine.
Bucky: ...I'll keep that in mind...
Bucky: I should have been the one to kill Hitler. Instead I'm the 107 year old who put mouthwash on his penis.
Sam: YOU DID WHAT?
Bucky: You heard me. Remember after the cookout last year?
Sam: You mean the first time you slept with my sister? Yeah, I obviously remember that, asshole.
Bucky: Well, I was in the bathroom right before... you know? Just to clean up a bit because-
Sam: *glares*
Bucky: Doesn't matter... Anyway, I saw the mouthwash and for some reason my brain went oh that tastes way better than soap. And... I had a point. The smart part of my brain wasn't there to tell me I was being a fuckhead.
Sam: Because that part doesn't exist.
Bucky: Actually it was bec- Never mind. Yes, it doesn't exist let's go with that one so we both survive this conversation. Anyway, I decided to do it like aftershave. I just-
Sam: Spare me the details, Buck.
Bucky: Alright. So then I'd done it but there were two things I hadn't thought through. The first one was the sensation. It was like burning and cold at the same time. I don't know if you've ever fucked a microwave during a blizzard but... it's unusual.
Sam: I'm scared of what the other thing was.
Bucky: Oh, you should be because the other thing I hadn't thought through was that... she was gonna notice ...because that's not what penises taste like.
Sam:
Sam: So.... is there a reason you were named after the gay president?
Bucky: Every time I go to dinner it seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner. I'll sit down at the breakfast table I can talk while they're not able. When I look at them I find there's a single question on their mind. I wish it could go back to the way it was. It's not easy now because... My whole family thinks I'm gay. I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk makes them think I like... boys. That I like boys. The goddamn question just won't go away and I get asked every single day. But the way they ask it is not a disguise like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?" This is the worst, baby, this was my fear. Now their opinions are crystal clear because... My whole family now is shocked I'm in the closet and the door is locked. Now my glory days are gone. I was John Elway now I'm Elton John. My whole family now suspects hanging with Steve had side-effects. I'm not gay and that's what I said. If I'm gay, hey, God, strike me dead, you know... *coughs* That's weird. Just 'cause I'm on the cheer-leading team and my birthday party had a Broadway theme... When I go outside, what do I see? That the clouds in the sky spell F-A-G because I think that God might think I'm gay. What does He know anyway? John Walker gave me a present just last year and the card said: "Happy Birthday, queer!" My whole family thinks I'm fab there's a guy's butt - "Hey, Buck, take a stab! C'mon... why doesn't he get women? There's no other way!" It's 'cause I'm traumatized, not 'cause I'm gay, alright? Not 'cause I'm gay. Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow or my favorite color is the rainbow. Heh... that was a joke. I don't mean to yell but I fear I must 'Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust because even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay... just kiddin'! Because my whole family thinks I'm gay. What did they know anyway? You gotta look right through the haze my uniform kink was just a phase. My whole family thinks I'm queer that is all I ever hear but I've been as straight as a ramp if you don't count Bible camp.
Captain America and The Winter Soldier as Bo Burnham quotes
Bucky Barnes
Sam Wilson
Karli Morgenthau
Zemo
Sharon Carter
Sam: Why do you only listen to 40s music?
Bucky: Do you want to know what all modern music sounds like to me?
Sam: Yes, tell me.
Bucky:
Sam: Sarah isn't answering her phone.
Bucky: I'll try calling her.
Sam: I tried to call her three times and she didn't pick up. What makes you think-
Sarah: Hello?