From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subj: Restriction on Pies and Pastries Supply to PVD Falconers

Mr. Eric Bittle,

It has recently been brought to my attention that you are responsible for the pies and various pastries that have been delivered to members of the NHL team, the Providence Falconers. Unfortunately, the high fat content found in pies and the like poses a significant risk to athletes' physical fitness. It is vital for hockey players to maintain optimal physical condition to ensure their peak performance on the ice, and therefore the team’s win.

As it is my duty to oversee their dietary requirements, I ask you to cease the distribution of such food items to the members of the team immediately.

Thank you for your cooperation,

Jack Zimmermann

Providence Falconers Nutritionist | Providence, RI

-

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subj: Re: Restriction on Pies and Pastries Supply to PVD Falconers

Dear Mr. Zimmermann,

It’s really nice to make your acquaintance. I actually had to message Alexei just to make sure this wasn’t some prank from one of my friends - I couldn’t believe an actual NHL staff member reached out to me! He assured me you’re the real thing, however (although I’m not sure how you got my school contact info?).

About the pies - you have nothing to worry about. Firstly, I only use the very best products, so anything your boys are getting from me is high quality. Second of all, I explicitly told the boys that I would only make the deliveries on cheat days. They better be smarter than to lie to me. 

I’m a big fan of the Falconers, and I would never do anything to harm their chances! On the contrary, I do believe having a pie waiting for you at the end of a hard week gives more motivation for training. So actually, I’m helping y’all out :) 

You’re very welcome, and good luck against the Devils!

Eric

-

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subj: Re: Re: Restriction on Pies and Pastries Supply to PVD Falconers

Mr. Bittle,

I appreciate your reply. However, I feel that I have not made my stance clear enough.

Hockey is a very demanding sport. Cheat meals are meant to benefit our players, not provide them with an excuse to consume excessive amounts of sugar and fat. Nine of our players had received deliveries from you in the last 3 months. In my estimations, that comes to about 216 baked pies. 

You must not be aware of this, but regular consumption of saturated fat can lead to heart disease and stroke. I advise you to look into investing your time in less harmful pursuits. I attached a list of recommendations for preferable culinary interests and other hobbies (if you eat even a portion of what you make, I highly recommend taking an interest in physical activity).

Please write back to me with confirmation that you will no longer deliver to members of this team.

Sincerely,

Jack Zimmermann

Providence Falconers Nutritionist | Providence, RI

-

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subj: Re: Re: Re: Restriction on Pies and Pastries Supply to PVD Falconers

Mr. Zimmermann,

Unfortunately, I can make no such promises. Your players are counting on me, and I’d hate letting those sweet boys down. But just give it a few more months! You’ll see their game won’t be affected, and we could put all this behind us. In fact, I bet you’ll even see some improvement :)

Thank you for your concern, but it’s honestly not needed. I’m definitely getting enough physical activity, haha. Actually, I’m the captain of a Division I NCAA ice hockey team. And look, I’m doing just fine!

Also, I did take a look at your list. Flourless protein brownies?? Poor man. If that is what you consider a dessert, it’s no wonder you’ve got all these misguided views on pies. I had real brownies delivered just for you this morning, so you can taste the difference yourself. If they’re not on your desk by this afternoon, Thirdy or Poots must’ve gotten to them. Please let me know so I can make another batch.

All the best,

Eric

- 

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subj: Final Request to Discontinue Pastry Deliveries 

Mr. Bittle,

You’re a hockey player who bakes a dozen pies a month in his free time? This is unacceptable for a sports team on any level. If possible, I would like the name of your team and your coach. Your staff should be made aware of the risks involved in not supervising their players’ health. I am more than willing to offer my services for a free-of-charge seminar about nutrition. 

I have made my position about the deliveries very clear. If you cannot assure me of your cooperation, I will be forced to speak to security and restrict entry of food into our facilities without my approval.

I don’t wish to resort to forbidding you from future contact with team members, but if it is in the best interest of the team’s success, I will.

Good day,

Jack Zimmermann

Providence Falconers Nutritionist | Providence, RI

-

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subj: (no subject)

Dear Jack Zimmermann,

I would like to see you try.

Bless you heart,

Eric Bittle

So... I commissioned a new icon by @virgoscringe !!! I'm crying. I love it. Did we have a hilarious goof of miscommunication because this fandom can never figure out which boy is who?? Yes. Worth the money and the laugh over the fact this fandom is a mess with these two boys?? Also yes. Is it a Prince Wicky au icon? Now did yall expect anything else from me??? Of course it is.

It is also becoming my phone Home Screen, and replacing my dog as it but he's still my Lock Screen so it's ok.

Thank you again, G!!! I am absolutely in love with this!!

his head pulses from the pain as the light assault his eyes, and for a moment, he believes he still must be out of it. a second ago he was on the ice, mid-check, matheson's knee coming dangerously close to his face in slow motion, and now he's surrounded by an echo of noises and...

"bittle."

"hi, hon."

jack swallows. hon. bittle's concerned looked hasn't changed, the way he says hon either. this scene could have been taken out from jack's bedroom in providence, five years ago, if it weren't for the subtle signs on bittle's face that time had changed.

he looks good.

he always did. but he looks really good. healthy. well. that's probably a shit way of putting it. he looks happy. without jack. slightly broader in the shoulders. three tiny freckles that he didn't have before, in a near perfect line down his check. perhaps a reminder of the tears jack put there, when everything happened, so long ago.

"apparently I'm still your emergency contact," bittle says, simply, as if he has to explain why he's here, in boston, instead of sunny los angeles. sunny los angeles, who took bittle away.

"oh. sorry. you shouldn't have." his voice sounds rough. what the fuck happened? "should have changed that."

probably nothing more pathetic than telling your ex, who's doing you a favor, that you didn't have anyone else to put as an emergency contact for seven years.

bittle chuckles, but there's no happiness behind it. "don't be silly. how are you feelin'?"

he slips his hand into jack's, and squeezes. it feels as natural as it had. motion repeated a thousand times, before the clog in the wheel. jack stares at their joined hand.

"why did you travel this far?"

"hon," bittle says, sounding now even more concerned. "do you need the doctor?"

"no, shit-" he knows he's not making much sense, but he is. his head is fine - well, it's not, but it's fine for now, there are more pressing matters - "I'm fine. you're far from home."

"ha." he looks up, and bittle's staring out of the window, a slight smile on his face. "not so much anymore. nour finally convinced me to take on the business world, if you can believe. we're opening a bakery in boston."

in boston.

a little bit ordinary, a little bit extraordinary

chapter 1 is now up!

Airstream AU: Bitty buys a pair of hiking boots from Jack on Facebook marketplace. Bitty is doing the social media and cooking and driving for his best friends’ band while they’re travelling the states and hiking around America while he runs a cook vlog from their airstream trailer. Jack is a mechanic and failed motorcycle racer who sells him the boots. Bitty proceeds to text Jack photos of the boots accompanying him around the tour across the US throughout the summer. The vlog about the journey of the boots makes Bitty’s vlog blow up and go viral. The band starts taking off because of it. Bitty invites Jack to a show when they’re back in the area. Jack sneaks off to a show that he didn’t think he was going to be able to make it to and Bitty comes on stage and fucking SINGS A SONG ABOUT HIM. They make out against the airstream after.

Fic where Bitty is lowkey a little bit feral and when he and jack got together for the first time they were in the kitchen and bitty was crouching on top of the fridge. Bitty lunged off and tackled jack and they starting rolling around on the floor and that was that. and Jack is like :) this is my favorite best boy bff boyfriend bitty. Wdym why is he hissing at you. Why are YOU eating his pie without a fork :///

Fic where kent parson disappears for a long time and everyone thinks he's dead only for him to resurface and be like "lol got kidnapped by vampires ✌️" and everyone thinks he's joking but no. He actually got kidnapped by vampires. Everyone's like ???? What did the vampires want with you???? And he just kinda shrugs and is like all they did was make me play vampire hockey with them so lowkey it wasn't any different from how it normally is. Hey swoops wassup we gonna grab burgers after this?

It starts with a murder.

Okay, well. Not really.

It kinda starts with a text message. Then a frantic phone call. Then Ericrunning down to his mother's bakery. Then opening the back doors to find his mama dragging a body in the middle of the kitchen.

Eric looks at her. She looks at him. The body's arm flops over.

"Don't tell you're daddy," Mama says, "I don't want him to worry."

Eric looks at the very dead body on the kitchen floor and all he can think of is the fact that he very, very much wished that could not see it coming.

So, to go by actions: it starts with Eric helping his mother hide a body.

"Have you heard about Mr. Bettman going missing?" Helena asks conspiratorially while she leans over the counter.

Eric makes an effort to look surprised from behind the register as he sees his mother fumble a dish behind the display. "Oh? I thought he was traveling?"

"Yeah," Helena looks back and forth around the bakery as if someone was listening in, "I heard from Evan over at the hotel that he checked out. But guess what? He forgot a suitcase, but never came back for it!"

His mother steadily packs up orders behind him, but he can feel the nerves coming off her. With the way he's clenching his apron under the counter, he feels very much the same.

There's no better bonding experience than hiding a body together under your childhood tree.

"Oh my," Eric starts, "It's probably just his old pajamas or something."

His mother finally arrives, placing the box of pies just a little too hard onto the counter. She smiles (a little crookedly), "Or it could be trash even! Better to leave it behind than carry all that old weight around!"

The fake laugh that she gives makes Eric wince, but Helena just laughs along, pulling out her purse to pay. Eric's in the middle of counting out change when Helena pipes up, "I think it could have been murder, y'know? Something interesting..."

Eric can feel the way his mom freezes at the words. The stiffness of he frame just like the body when they were out that night. He looks up to her and smiles to reassure her that he's there for her. Even with this.

"Murder?" Eric lets out a laugh he almost half believes. "Now that's just crazy."

===

Eric Bittle has spent almost all of his 24 years of life in Madison. It's been a mostly peaceful life, save for some early childhood moments. And the murder he helped his mom cover up ten years ago.

But that's all in the past. That is, until someone finds the body. And then someone suspects foul play. And, one thing leads to another, and suddenly one Jack Zimmermann comes to town and threatens to rip the case (and Eric's heart) wide open.

Now, Eric realizes that maybe some family secrets are meant to be kept secret.

pov ur flirtationship is internet famous

in which youtuber nursey keeps each of his videos on individual memory sticks and youtuber dex loses his mind

this is now a whole thing

nurseydex au where nursey has a weekly vlog channel and dex makes pc building content and they meet at vidcon

nursey: spend a week with me in nyc <3

dex: building a pc for my boyfriend to edit his 1hr+ vlogs

they know of each other before vidcon because nursey posts a vlog of his editing setup and dex makes a video roasting it

Firefighter meet cute where bitty passes out giving blood and jack is the hot firefighter that shows up

omgcp chess au but its still called check please