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@time2pretend on Tumblr
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time(s) of my life.

@time2pretend

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reblogged
I am going to step right in it. It’s unavoidable. It’s inevitable. It’s mandatory. It’s practically the only way the process truly works. Over and over people come to therapy hoping that this will be the one relationship where I won’t ever do the one, awful, terrible, hurtful, intolerable thing that everyone else has always done to them. And then I do it. Or something kind of like it, or something only a very little like the terrible thing, but similar enough to bring it all back in a flash and make you feel the darkest déjà vu: “It’s happening AGAIN.” I will be late, or forget your partner’s name, or double-book, or lose an e-mail, or push too hard, or seem preoccupied, or be masking a dip in my own personal energy, or be over-protective, or have a “tone” in my voice, or misunderstand, or misconstrue, or f-up. And you will be absolutely sure that it’s proof that I don’t care, don’t value you, that I am crazy, or just like your ex-wife, or your father, or that I am too fragile, depressed, not keeping up, or that I left you – or am about to leave you – alone. Sometimes it will happen right away, sometimes not for a few weeks, or even years. But – inevitably – I will do it. If I don’t, we probably aren’t connecting. We aren’t approaching the realm of intimacy. The terrible, messy, liberating sacred zone where your unconscious Self pulls on mine – and we slip, momentarily, into the black hole of our core conflicts. Sounds like fun doesn’t it? But that’s how it works. Really. We all repeat patterns in our relationships, and the therapeutic relationship – although unique, with important parameters – is still a relationship. As we fall into our favorite tried-and-true dance steps, we all pull and lead our partners to fall in line. Even if we want to learn new steps – even if we want to quit dancing altogether – the old rhythms return. So, whatever it is you want to break free from, we should expect it to happen, watch for it to happen. And when it does – that is our moment to strike! We can see it happening, live, in vivo, in our laboratory. If we can catch it, we can deconstruct it, we can explore what was at play, assign language to it for the first time, or rewrite the narrative, we can transform it, re-work it, create a new experience. But, I will step in it. If you stay long enough, and want more from the process than some company while you wait out a disruptive brief crisis, I always do. And so will everyone you ever love. The road to all intimacy leads straight through the deepest hole of our worst fears and crashes smack into our darkest core conflict. Lets not hope that it won’t happen. Lets hope that it does.
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vacants
“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”

Azar Nafisi (via vacants)

Source: vacants
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For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.”…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation

Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. — “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog” (via verthandi)

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In winter I think spring will be my salvation, and in summer I think autumn, and in autumn winter, it is always the same, I hope from one season to the next.

Thomas Bernhard   (via mercurieux)

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vacants
“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world, I mean everybody — no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds… Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe.”

Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 5: A Game of You (via tobia)

Source: vacants
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thedailywhat

Weird Stats of the Day: Toddlers killed more Americans than terrorists did this year

Opposing Views brings some frightening (though obviously tongue-in-cheek) statistics about the future of America: more American lives have been claimed by gun fatalities involving American toddlers than terrorist attacks this year. In the past five months, a total of 11 people were killed by preschoolers with firearms compared to the four that perished in the Boston explosions — the only terrorist attack to occur this year. We can only hope the NSA will ramp up surveillance on children less than 5 years of age in order to counter this threat to national security.

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Be contemporary. Have impact. Strive for it. Be of the world. Move it. Be bold, don’t hold back. Then the moment you think you’ve been bold, be bolder. We are all alive today, ever so briefly here now, not then, not ago, not in some dreamworld of a hypothetical future. Whatever you do, you must make it contemporary. Make it matter now. You must give us a new path to tread, even if it carries the footfalls of old soles. You must not be immune to the weird urgency of today.
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