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Not ‘Just’ A Geek 💕

@tillychmo

Welcome to my little anonymous corner of the internet, where I’ll share my slightly nerdy and geeky thoughts (and maybe even fics?) – usually connected to my work as an actor & writer. This is new to me, so I hope you’ll bear with me as I stumble my way through learning how best to use tumblr 💕
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sarucane

Ed Teach's Stories

From practically the moment we meet him, Ed's identity is unstable. We we know who is he (Blackbeard) from context, from the story told by the the room around him, by Izzy and the flag his crew. But the thing is, Ed doesn't fit the story of the Mad Devil Blackbeard. Two of his first few words are "good" and "love" for crying out loud. He's called "Blackbeard," but his beard is grey.

This instability exists because Ed himself isn't sure what story he's telling--or wants to tell. "I shouldn't be bored, I'm fucking Blackbeard!" All through his early episodes Ed is in increasingly desperate tension with his own identity. He's trying to tell stories within stories, wanting all the stories to be true at the same time, yet aware of the reality that the world is constantly trying to wipe one or another of the stories away. And not really trusting that he can tell the whole story of who he is.

In the first season of OFMD, Stede wears a different outfit every episode. Yet Stede remains the same: despite his internal tensions (almost despite himself) there's a stability to his identity. But all through both seasons of OFMD, Ed putting on a new outfit means he's trying to tell a completely different story about himself.

And underneath this cacophony, there's Ed. And Ed is himself a chorus of stories, a living contradiction. A patricidal murderer who was protecting his mother; a paragon of masculinity who longs for softness and fluidity; a man renowned for violence and madness who has in fact carefully cultivated that reputation and is extremely careful with his violence; a killer who doesn't kill, yet who does kill all the time just at a bit of a remove; a half a dozen names and personas and yet always Ed; unloveable, yet deeply loved.

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tillychmo

This is a very interesting read.

And while I do agree with most of it, there's one thing I feel the need to add, because it is such an important part of Ed's character:

Ed's clear ADHD. It has never been 'confirmed' (as far as I know) by anyone on the show, but honestly, it really doesn't have to. The way they have portrayed Ed's ADHD-symptoms, -mannerisms, and -struggles speak a loud and clear language on their own. It's in the way he get's easily excited by all the things on Stede's ship – the way he is "bored out of [his] skull" by pirating (something he has been doing most of his life, at this point) – the way he "can't sit with [himself]" (as Fang/Kevin puts it) – the way his inner monologue goes on and on when he actually does 'sit with himself' – his undeniable intelligence and yet his "oh shit, it's the wrong date?"-of it all – AND it is absolutely in the way he 'changes persona' to fit into the different environments he finds himself in (i.e. when he changes outfits).

The word (other than ADHD) that is missing from the otherwise very interesting post above, is the word masking.

Ed is masking all the time – except in those moments when he is with Stede and at complete ease. It's part of why his personality seems to change whenever he puts on a different set of clothes: He learned early on in his life that being who he is wasn't safe for him; so he became Blackbeard. Even his mum said it: "We're just not those kinds of people." It has literally been drilled into him, since he was a child, that what he wants is not attainable for 'someone like him' – and who he is is not safe in this world that values traits like 'toxic maskulinity' and 'being ruthless' far more than 'being kind' and 'liking fine things'. So when he goes to the fancy ship in fancy clothes? He tries to act fancy, because 'that is what you do here'.

The concept of masking is something a lot (if not most?) of people with ADHD (and most likely other neurospicinesses as well) struggle with. Especially if you have only been diagnosed later in life. We have spent our lives trying to mask our symptoms – trying to fit in and trying to 'keep our heads down', because the neurotypical world has, at large, told us that we didn't fit in – that we were 'too loud', 'too excitable', 'too messy', 'too quiet', 'too on', 'too much' – so we mask. We mask our excitements, we mask our struggles, some of us even mask our knowledge of things, because we are so used to being viewed as 'show offs' when our brains reach fast conclusions and solutions that we make ourselves 'dumber', in order to not 'stick out'.

Ed has been masking – in some way shape or form – his whole damn adult life. And this is why he has no idea who he is. When he's telling Stede in 207 "I don't even know who I am" that is not hyperbole. He has no clue. He knows part of who he is, when he is alone with Stede – when it's just the two of them, the masks come off and he finally gets to just be himself; but that also means that he is extremely vulnerable, should he lose Stede again. And this is why he panics in 207 – he sees Stede go down a road that is (in piratetimes – hopefully not in the show) inevitably going to get him killed, and that terrifies the sh*t out of Ed. Because not only would he lose the love of his life, but he would also lose the only place where he is currently feeling safe and free enough to let all of his masks fall.

So when Ed believes Stede to be dead in 208? Well. He goes on a rampage. He let's the masks fall, except for the one that makes him vulnerable – the 'Stede-mask', if you will. The one he only let's fall when he's around Stede. The one that he first took off on the night he told Stede about killing his own dad. He has never taken that mask off for anybody before he met Stede. As we learn in 203, Ed has never told anybody about murdering his dad. Not even Izzy knows about it. But Stede does. So what happens in 208, when Ed finds one of Stede's letters? He openly weeps. He lets his final mask fall and continues onward without any of them. That's why he doesn't change 'persona' when he puts on the British uniform. He has gotten rid of all the masks that he had needed to put on in order to survive.

And I'm so curious to see how they tackle this in series 3. Whether they're even as destinctly aware of it as we (the audience) are or whether it's a string of extremely lucky accidents ... (if it's the latter then: WOW – because that seems unlikely.)

I really hope we get a series 3 where we get to see Ed being mainly mask-less – it would lend itself to a furthering of the story arc he's been on since the beginning, but it would also mean even more representation for all those of us with ADHD. I don't think I've ever seen a representation like this of ADHD in public media – where it's not being played for a joke. Where it's not being 'looked down upon' or 'ridiculed'. Yes some of the scenes are funny, because they seem so 'over the top', but ya know what? They're really not. They're actually quite accurate. Now, ADHD varies for every single person on the planet who has it, so some things are going to feel more or less true to all of us – there are definitely things in Ed that I don't recognise from myself ... but most of those things, are the ones I recognise from my friends and family with ADHD. So even when they don't apply directly to me, they still allow me to feel represented. And that's really all anyone could ask for, to be honest.

Representation – well-written, well-acted, well-told representation.

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