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the current tumblr trending page is like
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Hell yeah!!!!
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Instagram: marteria
The holy trinity 😂
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Versengold - Im Namen des Folkes
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sometimes i feel bad for every non-german person, because you all are missing out on the best videos on youtube, the mother of shitposting “coldmirror”
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Florence Kasumba aka Black Panther’s “Move or you will be moved” Security Guard Ayo (in Civil War/Black Panther/Infinity War) wird Tatort Kommissarin!
die Sollbruchstelle
- sollen = to be supposed to, to be intended to
- der Bruch = crack, fracture
- die Stelle = place, position, spot, site, location, point, …
die Sollbruchstelle = predetermined breaking point
I proudly present to you the cause of every linguistic trauma a student of German studies may suffer from: EIERSCHALENSOLLBRUCHSTELLENVERURSACHER
(= a tool that causes a predetermined breaking point in the shell of an egg)
can you imagine to analyze the morphology of this word??? This was our first example for the morphologic analysis in a lesson called “introductory course of linguistics”
We cried…
- das Ei (pl. die Eier) = egg (eggs)
- die Schale = shell
- die Eierschale = egg shell
- sollen = to be supposed to
- der Bruch = crack
- die Stelle = site, place, position, spot
- der Verursacher = noun derived from the word
- verursachen = to cause, related to:
- die Ursache = cause
der Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher = …
How does it work? You place the device on top of the egg, stabilize it with your finger on the little plastic ball at the top, lift the massive metal ball all the way to the top and let it drop. CLACK!!! Now you have a neat preformed crack around the top of the egg.
German Memes Gothic Pt. III
You can’t find your way out of Real. “Einmal hin, alles drin”, they keep promising. But for naught. You still haven’t found your will to live.
They asked what soccer team you’re rooting for. Your life is hanging by a thread. They are staring at you, anticipating. Hungry. You know you only got one shot.
“Stop”, you whisper. “Everything stays as it is.” You have drunk your coffee, but you haven‘t calmed down. There is a supply of fruit at home.
Something touches your leg. You look down. „Reingeguckt.”, the voices whisper. You are already numb from the pain. You have bruises everywhere.
You’ve tried for years, but you are not able to succeed. The stone can’t sing. It can only sound. All your efforts were in vain.
In your dreams, a faceless figure pays you a visit. “Alles Müller, oder was?”, they whisper with icy breath. Shuddering, you don’t dare to answer.
You are staring into nothingness. What is the meaning of all this? What kind of 1 life is that?
Your head is aching; your vision is blurry. Mein Terr… Terri… Tererium… What does it say? You can’t fathom. You have given up on life. What even is strawberry cheese?
At night, you become aware of your own mortality. All things must pass. Everything has an end. Only the sausage has two.
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God I love this story.
By BENAS GERDZIUNAS 6/5/18
Alexander Gauland, leader of the far-right Alternative for Germany, was left red-faced when a thief ran off with his clothes as he was bathing.
Gauland, 77, was seeking refuge from the soaring temperatures in a lake near Potsdam, according to the Märkische Allgemeine, when a man shouting “no bathing for Nazis” grabbed Gauland’s clothes and ran away, leaving the far-right politician in his swimming trunks.
The theft took place last week but was only reported in local media on Tuesday.
Because of the possible “political motive,” the state security department for politically-motivated crime took over the investigation. The thief remains at large.
“Gauland passed us with a police escort wearing swimming trunks,” a witness told the Märkische Allgemeine. “It was a good day.”
He shouted “No bathing fun for Nazis”, just fyi :)
The hero we wanted and deserved 😂
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Wenn mich jemand sucht: Ich bin im Garten Unkraut yeeten.
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In the district of Cochem-Zell (Rhineland-Patatinate), a cat was on patrol with the police for more than 70 km. The black cat had entered the car unnoticed when the police looked after a dispute among neighbors. It rode along with the two policemen from the town of Ulmen along the river Mosel into the Hunsrück mountain range. On the way back from their operation there, the officers noticed a pungent smell in the car. When they arrived at the headquarters, they found the sleeping cat on the rear seat. Lacking aliernatives, the cat had used the uniform cap of one of the officials as a litter box. The cat did not have to leave the car immediately: Despite that mishap, the officials drove the cat back to the place where it must have entered the car.
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things about germany that are actually unironically true
- ancient rivalry between the north and south branch of the same supermarket - raw minced pork sandwiches are a thing (yes they can give you hepatitis C) (no that won’t stop them) - watching an extremely obscure 17-minute comedy short film about a noblewoman and a butler in english every new year’s eve - never cross the road on red even if it’s 4:30am and the closest car is in andorra because there will be an 80-year-old bavarian woman hiding in the bushes ready to lecture you on road safety
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hunter-the-capricorn
You: 10 million fireflies Me, a German: 99 Luftballons
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Growing Up German
- Always getting a free slice of sausage at the butcher
- Hearing stories where people violently died as bedtime stories
- Closing your eyes when the Sandmännchen throws his sand so you don’t have to go to sleep
- Making your own ice cream with Fruchtzwerge yoghurt
- Benjamin Blümchen Cake
- Singing a song about chinese people playing contrabass
- “Fisher Fisher how deep is the water?”
- “Don’t throw snowballs, one time a girl got a snowball with a stone in it in her eye and she went blind!”
- “Charlie Chaplin went to Frankfurt…”
- A depressed bread called Bernd
- Knowing like 2 people who can pronound the English “th” properly
- Humilating unathletic students in front of the whole school a.k.a. Bundesjugendspiele
- “My grandma rides a motor bike in the hen house.”
- Toggo Tour was like Coachella for German kids but you could never go cause they never came to your town
- “cat toilet, cat toilet, yes that makes the cat happy”
- “Space Taxi to the sky!”
- “Now in every 7th egg!”
- “Get [insert stupid ringtone here] in the Jamba Sparabo!”
- Is it der, die or das Nutella?
- Having friends in other states is difficult cause they’ve got school holidays when you’re still in school and vice versa
- “Of course with the Mouse and the Elephant”
I ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO THE TOGGO TOUR 😭😭😭😭
thorinoakcnshield reblogged
Kleine behinderte Avengers Synchro von coldmirror
Gif-Part 2
Ich kann die Avengers nich mehr schauen, ohne an jeder passenden Stelle coldmirror zu zitieren 😂
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und sie waren Mitbewohner
Oh mein Gott, Sie waren Mitbewohner
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i don’t think anyone outside of Germany understands how scarring it is to hear the words “Fresh Dumbledore”. you do not know that there’s a whole generation of Germans out there who get thrown back in time upon hearing those words… war flashbacks of “wer zum Teufel ist Amanda”, “Voldemort hat einen Stein nach mir geworfen”, “SCHINKEN!” and “Ich bin alt, ich bin bald tot, aus grün mach rot. Klatsch!”… those and so many other quotes still haunt me.
you do not know that there’s a whole parallel universe in Germany where Hermione is a lesbian, Dumbledore is a gangster rapper, Gilderoy Lockhard is a porn star and everything is 100% obscene. that everyone quoted these dubs for months. that there were actual albums of Fresh Dumbledore out there that you could listen to. That there was also an album of Snape’s black metal band. Even Warner Brothers got wind of it and threatened to sue.
one woman in Germany redefined Harry Potter for countless people for years, and none of you even know.
the memory of it is burnt into my brain and I cannot escape.