The Nerd Blog

Hell has frozen over!

Here’s a second fic!

Thanks again to @handypolymath

——•——

The first thing Bruce noticed as he stumbled through his apartment door at 2 am was the wide-open French doors that lead out to the sprawling grounds of the facility. Granted it took him much longer than it would have if he wasn’t high on lack of sleep, he had wandered into the kitchen and was munching on a muffin staring blankly at the fluttering curtains and the moonlit patio furniture. He blinked curiously, some time ago this would have set off alarms he would have grabbed his go bag and would have been out the door and down the road in minutes, but that instinct has faded to a small buzz in the back of his head.

The second thing he noticed, well second and third thing, was the rancid smell. It was like a rabid skunk had rolled in sun boiled trash and rancid sick then took a stroll through his living room and that someone was using his garden hose. He chewed his muffin slowly, contemplative, and move to the open doors to see what the person was doing, he was hoping whomever it was hosing down that skunk.

No skunk.

Just Natasha in only her briefs and sports bra, white claw in one hand and hose in the other. She looked absolutely peeved, her hair dulled and tangled with muck, curious splatterings of questionably dark mire outlined the uncovered skin left from her uniform. The said uniform was a dark lump in the grass, what he had mistaken as the skunk, and she was spraying it down like it was a bed of petunias.

Bruce sank down on a lounge and blinked slowly up at her as she slurped loudly at her Claw.

“Good mission?” He finally asked.

She grunted as she finished her Claw and crushed the can.

She was silent for such a long time that Bruce fell back on the lounge heavy eyes falling closed. He dozed to the sound of water pattering against tactical cloth and grass. He breathed in the scent of water, night air, and a faint unholy stink, it made him crinkle his nose and remember what had drawn him out here in the first place.

“What smells like rotten ass?” He slurred fingers going limp around the muffin wrapper.

“That would be the sweet sweet scent of the Bucharest sewers.” She said plopping down on the corner of the lounge.

The vile smell amplified with her proximity. Bruce’s eyes popped as he gagged on the smell of Eastern European trash and waste, his exhaustion disappeared in a blink of an eye as he felt the muffin revisit the back of his throat. Desperately he propped himself up on his elbow to try and reintroduce oxygen to his system as he choked on the lightly digested muffin.

Natasha leaned over and patted his back with all the strength of a limp fish.

He finally managed to swallow his bile and sucked in a breath of air through his mouth being very careful to not breathe through his nose least this all start over again.

“Nat, I love you,” he muttered into the hand covering his nose ”but please hose yourself off before coming back inside.”

There was a beat before a wet plop and his entire face and upper chest was covered with her stinking sopping wet uniform.

”Looks like we both will, Mudak.” her arms draped around his waist as she settled down next to him.

Bruce pulled the uniform from his face and cast her an apologetic look. ”I guess you could use the shower.”

She hummed and pressed her face into his side. ”That's what I thought.”

Ohhhh boy kids! Hold onto your hats and looking what I got for you!! You all can thank @handypolymath this time for the absolute AVALANCHE of spectacular prompts she sent me!

——•——

Bruce watched in awe as the bottle top was pressed firmly into the soft tissue of her breast. A firm twist of her wrist, the cap fell to the ground, fizz crowded the neck and she took a hearty swig of the brew with nary a stain on her pristine purple v-neck.

The small group erupted into applause and wolf whistles as Natasha gave a small bow raising her bottle and falling back beside Bruce on the sofa.

“Your turn, Doc.” She said wiping some foam from the corner of her smirk.

Bruce picked up his jaw from the floor and went to the center of the circle of his friends. The things these oddballs get up to for fun he thought as he ran his tongue over his teeth gathering a fair amount of spit on his tongue. Thor had impressed the group by chugging a forty in one swallow, Clint recited the whole first ten minutes of the movie Splash, he could have kept going but took pity and let Tony show everyone how he was able to shuffle cards like some Vegas magician. They went around the circle, everyone getting progressively tipsier and showing off oddly mundane and useless skills.

The Avengers watched quietly as Bruce’s tongue worked in his mouth, he couldn’t believe that he was about to show these people this absolutely moronic and gross “trick”. Natasha watched him with rapt attention, and quite honestly the chance of her being amused was enough for him to open his mouth wide, extend his tongue and softly blow spit bubbles off into the space before him.

The group hooted as bubble after bubble left Bruce’s tongue, but he only had eyes for the wide smile crossing Natasha’s face. He didn’t know what it was, maybe the alcohol, maybe the sparkling amusement shining in Nat’s baby blues, or it could have been the goading cheers from his friends but he decided to start hamming it up. He curled his tongue into a circle and then pinched it, he blew bubbles through circles he made with his fingers. He aimed for empty glasses and the faces on magazines, he made patterns with the splatters.

Natasha hid her bright smile behind her hand as Bruce returned to his seat beside her with a stiff flourish.

“Ohhh Nat, you are a lucky girl.” Tony leaned forward wagging his eyebrows.

She leaned into Bruce and tapped his chin until he stuck out his tongue.

“Of course I am, didn’t you see what he was doing with that thing?”

I wanna start writing Brucenat fics again (or just writing in general).

Would anybody be kind enough to send over some prompts?

Imma put the kibash on anything remotely smutty as apparently I’m forever 12 and my mind just goes blank when it comes to that.

Here’s a drawing of mine that I abandoned for numerous reasons, but I love the idea of it so I couldn't let it sit and gather dust.

I just... really like drawing these two. So, so much.

I’ve been in a Brucenat mood.....