how crazy do you think the AO3 authours notes are in gotham?
"Joker killed my grandma with a reindeer whilst playing 'grandma got run over by a reindeer' and i don't think i can continue to write this JokerBat fic anymore guys sorry :/ it just feels disrespectful."
“Look, I get if Batman/Clark Kent isn’t your cup of tea, but the guy writes more about Batman than anyone else outside of Gotham. There’s got to be a reason, is all I’m saying.”
“And here I am, jumping on the Batman/Bruce Wayne train like the rest of our beloved hellhole. Anyway, if you’re not from Gotham you can keep your criticisms to yourself or I will not be held responsible for the bloodshed that will occur should you insult our beloved sunshine child and his goth sugar baby. You don’t know them like we do.”
“Hey, sorry I haven’t updated in awhile. I died and then got caught up in this whole my-father-didn’t-avenge-me angst thing. Which was completely justified in my opinion. Anyway…”
“Let’s be honest, this entire series is dedicated to the fact that Red Hood could crush any of us with his thighs and we’d say thank you.”
“I just read a fic shipping Nightwing/Superman and I mean, come on. The author is clearly not from Gotham but I can never unsee that and I think I should be entitled to financial compensation.”
“Sorry it’s been awhile, I just got a new job! With the Best Boss™️ (if you know, you know). Also, my boss said he’d give a hundred bucks if I wrote a Batman bashing fic? Thoughts? Ngl I don’t think it’d even be that hard.”
“‘WHy aRE yoU WriTIng ABouT FakE SupERheROes WHen THe rEAl oNEs aRE riGHt tHEre?’ Uh, because it’s Gotham and they’re all a disaster? And also because I don’t want to be haunted by the venegeful spirits of robins past idk. Thinking of doing a crossover though. Batman in the Avengers? Thoughts?”
“I just want my husband Nightwing to be happy, is that too much to ask?”
“I came across Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy on my way home from school today and will now be hyperfixating on that ship, thanks.”
“Leave me and my 235k word fic of Prince!Bruce/Knight!Batman alone you Metropolis and Superman-loving traitors. This is not for you.”
“If someone is going to kill me over this fic, just please let it be Deathstroke.”
“Okay so hypothetically I work at Wayne Enterprises and the big boss man (the boss) maybe ships Superbat???? And saw me updating during my break?????? And asked how he could find it????????? Also rip, Mr. Timothy Drake Wayne Jr the Third, but your dad is one of us now and no upwards looking pleas are going to stop him.”
“My neighbor just gave me a thirty minute lecture on multiversal theory and I will now be incorporating that knowledge into my next fic in the most cursed way possible. And, I mean, the guy knows a crazy ton about the Justice League? But also, like, whose favorite gotham hero is Red Robin lmao?”
“Me: *scours the web for fic research purposes*
The mr. Batman on my computer: is_this_a_pigeon_batman_rogue_meme.jpg
[Alt text: is this a pigeon meme showing man with Batman mask over face holding up a sign that says nightwingsbabe. Text across bottom reads: is this a rogue?]”
“This fic is dedicated to that one time I saw Red Hood trip off a rooftop and Spolier laughing at it for twenty minutes. You are my new ship.”
“Just saw the newest episode of the Mandolorian and will now be shamelessly inserting Red Hood into the Star Wars universe. No I’m not projecting what are you talking about. Anyway, only love for papa hood here. Everyone else go die in metropolis or something idk.”
“Black Bat is the coolest bat. That has nothing to do with this fic I’ve just been hearing a lot of VERY WRONG opinions lately and needed to come set the record straight.”
“I’m not in a cult, I promise.”
“I’m from Gotham. You’ve been warned. Read the damn tags.”
“Major character death is the Joker. Because this is gotham and that’s the escapist fantasy we all engage in here.”
"look I tagged this fic with both Dead Dove: Do Not Eat AND author is from Gotham so you don't get to freak out about the gratuitous violence when you were explicitly warned that it was gonna get graphic"
"well I'm posting early but this hasn't been beta'd because my beta is currently detoxing after the last Scarecrow attack, so please be kind. And also maybe leave a kind word in the comments that I can share with my beta? They need it."
"sorry not an update just a note to let everyone know that this fic will be going on hiatus until the latest Arkham breakout is resolved - I'm okay, it's just that Gotham is going into a mandated blackout. You know how it is."
“Sorry I didn’t update I just got out of blackgate.”
“I’ve written so much about red hood that good keeps autocorrecting to hood. I’m completely normal about him I swear.”
“Two Face attacked the office last week and poor Mr Wayne was missing like the entire time. Can someone get that guy a bodyguard? And like, a therapist or something? Anyway, I’m home from the hospital now with plenty of time to write. Expect all the updates.”
“I got a disappointed dad sigh from nightwing. That has nothing to do with this I just wanted to share my emotional pain.”
“soooooo uh apparently being an insomniac writer with poor impulse control in Gotham has some benefits??? I was hanging out on my fire escape with my laptop and uhhhh well i probably shouldn’t give too many details bc i dont wanna dox myself but uh. everyone say thank you to Red Hood for fucking???? Beta’ing this oneshot????? I know it sounds fake, trust me, I was THERE and it still sounds fake to me”
“you aren’t allowed to @ me for the “wrote this during a joker gas attack” tag unless you have lived a minimum of 6 years in gotham okay. you don’t GET it.”
“so if some of the dialogue sounds familiar its because you might’ve heard it on the news recently during the last Riddler uh.... thing. and its NOT in bad taste okay, no one died this time”
“i wanna thank everyone for all the sympathy after the last chapter, when i mentioned in my authors note that my brother had been murdered, it really meant a lot!!! but he’s back now so it’s all gucci :peace_sign:”
“This one is for the Signal. You’re insane and I love you so much.”
“How come Robin gets a sword and I don’t? He’s like ten. Anyway, have a fic with a ton of swords because someone won’t let me get one.”
“Genuinely laughing my ass off at the comment from the last chapter. I know exactly who is from Gotham and who isn’t and I love you my fellow hell-dwellers.”
“Guys this fic ended up being set in Metropolis I’m so sorry.”
“No beta we die like Gothamites on Tuesdays”
“Does it count as RPF if it’s the anthropomorphism of the bat signal and the batmobile? Asking for a friend.”
“fun fact! if you write commissioner gordon/batman smut, it gets mysteriously deleted from your profile within 3 minutes of being posted, and you get a terrifying email from Oracle that I don’t dare to repeat here! Anyways, enjoy this re-written smut, now featuring Batman and Green Arrow instead. Since I guess Oracle is watching me which is TERRIFYING.”
“new rule: you can’t complain about anyone writing Red Hood like a massive fucking nerd unless you, personally, have heard him quoting Jane Austen while chasing a bunch of muggers down your street.”
“this one goes out to Spoiler, for no particular reason other than I still remember that time I looked out my window and saw her hit Robin in the head with a fucking brick on the next roof over”
“no beta we die like joker goons”
“to the commenter who proposed marriage to me after the last chapter: i’m flattered, but i’m saving myself for Batgirl. If you ARE Batgirl, hmu babe <3″
“I think the guy next door works for Red Hood but like, that’s cool, right? They’re fine? Anyway, he knew so much about guns and fighting and stuff so have an actually well-written fight scene for once.”
“Writing from the hospital. Again. Can’t believe I got caught in the middle of a gang war again but I did get to see Red Hood shoot Black Mask and it made my whole year so honestly worth it.”
“No beta we die like Robin’s patience with the goons who were apparently using swords wrong and yes it was glorious and I’m pretty sure Spoiler filmed the entire thing so someone ask nicely and maybe we can have that forever.”
"so this chapter has a lot of cool animal facts in it but I cannot take any credit for research - Damian Wayne visited the animal shelter I volunteer at and basically gave an impromptu lecture. It was cute! And I really enjoyed it, so uh... have Robin lecturing some henchmen about proper pet care, I guess lmao"
"Y'ALL the dead robins club is REAL, I heard Nightwing reference it while he and Red Robin were waiting for the cops to pick up the guys who were trying to kidnap me (I'm fine btw don't worry). Anyways. VINDICATION."
"I did such a deep dive into Gotham's legal system, and also the NJ legal system in general, that I maaaaaaay be going to law school after I finish my undergrad???? So. There are SOME benefits to being a Two-Face fucker. Maybe."
"not Flash stans in MY comment section :crying_laughing: get outta here. This is for Gotham gremlins only."
This is not my fandom. I don’t know who half these characters are.
And yet, I feel EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE deep in my soul. All of this is correct.
"Hey y'all the sunshine boi visited my school today and he just. radiates positivity. So have some Bruce Wayne fluff <3"
"Look I know it's unrealistic but I wanted to have fun and write an AU where Sunshine Bruce Wayne secretly is Batman. so Crack fic I guess."
"Sorry I haven't posted in a while:(( was used as a pawn in a Riddler puzzle😑😑😑but Red Robin saved me☺️☺️☺️ two hours late😡😡😡 enjoy this chapter where I stab him and see how he likes it"
"I'm not saying the headcanon that Bruce Wayne is Batman is unrealistic. I'm just saying that it doesn't make sense. But my patrons requested it so..."
"Guess who just typed out Reader/Poison Ivy fics instead of taking their maths test :D "
"Sorry this is late! Long story short, my spleen is gone, and that was weird. Anyways, this coffee shop AU is completely out of control and I don't know when it will end now."
"If you have a problem with my fic where Batman kills the Joker then maybe you're part of the fucking problem. Let a boy dream."
"Wrote this after Robin cussed out a guy who said something nasty about my hijab. In Arabic!!! He also escorted me home like a tiny angry bodyguard. Tiny gentleman Robin is now my best experience ever. Have a story about him having an amazing day because he deserves the world. <3"
"My long awaited Red Hood / Pride and Prejudice crossover is finally here! Red Hood, if you see this, you're welcome!"
"Is it weird to write a story where Dick Grayson and Nightwing bond over hair care? Maybe, but god they both have such gorgeous hair."
"Saw Batman smile really softly once as a kid when watching Robin do a really cool backflip. This has been top tier parental love in my mind since then. Have a story about Batman being a proud father. Tooth rotting fluff."
"Wrote about Red Hood killing Joker because reasons, got a box of chocolates delivered to me with a little note attached that said "hood" and now I'm eating them and thinking about marriage-- Here's a story where I wonder if Red Hood is gay by writing everyone else being attracted to him."
“Hey so guess what website is NOT blocked in Arkham? On a completely unrelated note, the cake that appeared on my doorstep with a note of ‘thanks for getting those two idiots together finally’ should be fine to eat, right?”
“Y’all are way too thirsty for a vigilante/crime boss you’ve never seen the face of. But, ask and it shall be delivered ig.”
“Tagged Mafia AU just in case, but is it really an AU if it’s Red Hood?”
“Despite having never stepped foot in Arkham I got called by the fbi so apparently my made up Arkham layout is actually pretty accurate who knew.”
“Ngl, the fighting in the comments has been the highlight of my week and no, I don’t know if Red Hood is Wonder Woman’s kid or not or who Batman’s dad is but I hope you all realize you’re suggesting Wonder Woman is Batman’s grandma.”
“Look me in the eyes and tell me Red Robin has never contemplated committing war crimes.”
“Do you think other cities spend so much time on rpf of their heroes? Cause like, Flash pops up in fics when something set in the real world needs a conveniently timed rescue to occur. Batman has over 6,000 fics tagged ‘Batman is Bruce Wayne’s sugar baby’ alone.”
Hey guys, good news is I can finally update once I edit my stories! Bad news is, I have to transcribe them since I had to write them on paper while I was in Blackgate.
(Don't judge me, half of you have done worse, and the other half got a stern lecture from Batman before you could!)
In other news, Nightwing's such a nice guy he even signed my cast. Pretty sweet, since he's the one who put me in it.
This one is dedicated to Spoiler for giving me inspiration by pushing RH off the building across the street <3
" Riddle me this: how the fuck you look at batman carrying out bruce wayne from a fight and see him FUCKING SMILE and comment on this fic they're not dating"
"um- so supposedly harley quinn and ivy are dating. SO here's teeth rotting fluff because I know my new favourite ship. batman/bruce who?"
" all this metropolis bullshit will not work in this hell house. get the sunshine and hope away from me"
"guys I KNOW IM SORRY, scarecrow and his gas made me do it. here's a not betaed fic of superman and batman"
" this one is for none of you. SPOILER, YOU REQUESTED THIS ONE AND WROTE THIS IN RECORD SPEED-- yes guys she read my last crack fic where red hood and robin carry out a mission wearing tutus (don't ask only read) and ASKED ME ( after giving me a heart attack coming on my balcony like that) TO WRITE THIS.
SO HERE IS ONE WHERE RED HOOD DIES AND COMES BACK TO AVENGE THIS FATHER (BATMAN) by becoming emo (crack edition)"
" i saw batman fall into a dumpster mid flight. red robin laughed his ass off. please don't delete this mr.batman sir"
" this is nightwing x dick grayson smut. that one nightwing x jason todd shipper BACK OFF. i WILL sue you greenandpurpj. "
" my brother just explained me the basics for caring for a dinosaur ( I don't know how he knew but I care not to ask). so that's why your getting a fic where wonder woman goes rouge and has guns and adopts a dinosaur. if you think I know too much-- I don't, shut up"
" here's one fic where jason todd comes alive and becomes red hood. wdym that can't be true LET ME LIVE IN MY DELUSIONS wingass69"
"Sorry for posting late, I got hit by a whiff of Scarecrow toxin (lol Gotham Friday Night, 'mIright?) and spent the weekend crawling like a beast through the sewer system were I nearly was eaten by killer crock, fleeing terrible images from the drege of my psyche. And some of those images was really good so I had to work them into the fic!"
"Been having a lot more writing time since I started to hench for the Penguin so here comes next chapter. Did you guys know we actually have a regulated work week? I'm never henching for Black Mask ever again."
"Batman beat me up. Chapter will be late :-("
"Got a guy to smuggle a phone into blackgate. Will post in time after all."
"You know who's the best super villain in Gotham? Mad Hatter - that's who. I mentioned I'm a writer and he got me my laptop so I could finish the chapter. I'm cutting it a bit short, because the death trap will trigger in like, five minutes and if I'm not saved I'd hate to leave you guys hanging (like I will be left hanging)."
"WTF? Why are the last five chapters nothing but Poision Ivy smut? Did I get hit by pollen again? Glad that you guys seem to enjoy it but I'm ace and this is supposed to be a Narnia fanfic."
"I would like to officily appologize for self-shipping with the Joker. I realise now that it is Wrong and Bad and I will not do it again. I want to thank Harley Quinn for only breaking one of my hands, leaving me the other to write this note with. HarleyXJoker forever <3"
"Lol! Just spent the night researching 17th century metallurgy (which is VERY IMPORTANT in a historical au batmanXSuperman smut fic, I'm sure), and turns out a guy I was arguing with online was friggin' Ra's al Ghul. 'Cite your sources' I said. 'I was there' he wrote, and when I kept nagging him he hacked my computer (lol - eco terrorism grandpa has mad computer skills) and chewed me out over video link. So, I really hope you enjoy the EXTENDED metallurgy section of this chapter, and thanks mr al Ghul for not killing me. Appreciate it."
"Look, the Sewer King might be a vile scumbag to you, but for me he is my poor little mewmew. Here's a oneshot where he spends the day doing self care and listening to some songs I think he would enjoy."
Okay, so last year I got hit by fear gas and it was the worst night of my life, so now I'm inflicting that trauma on our sweet sunshine himbo! Have some Bruce Wayne whump!
