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#writers – @thewordsyouneverunderstood on Tumblr
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I remember the moment in which I first realized I loved you. We were sitting in the backseat of my mothers car. My mother was telling you about the time when I was six years old and I cut off my eyelashes because I was jealous that my brothers were longer than mine and you laughed. In that moment, I remember you reached over to hold my hand and you kissed my forehead with laughter still in your lungs and you told me I was insane. I knew it then, I loved you and you loved me, no matter how many crazy things I'd done, no matter how many times I'd lost my mind, or how much damage I had done. You loved me and I loved you. You were mine and I was yours.

 When I realized I loved you for the first time ; thewordsyouneverunderstood

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Falling in love with you was inevitable but know that I tried to not love you. I wouldn't speak to you for days but there wasn't a damn day where my first thought in the morning wasn't you. It was always you, no matter how many other things I had to worry about, there was always room for you. There's this little corner in my heart filled with things about you, your beautiful eyes, your words, the poetry you wrote me and your voice. And although you're in the shadows, I love you and although you don't know it yet, it's there. I'm hoping one day I will stop searching for love in other places when I know I could find it in you if only I was brave enough to hold it.

- And someday I will be and on that day, there will never be anyone else // thewordsyouneverunderstood

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So what. I know we've ruined each other. Three years from now, you're still going to be the only person that I haven't learned to unlove. Three years from now, you're still going to have your share of regrets and leaving me will still be one of them. I know that loving each other was never easy. We broke almost every single promise we made and we never apologized for what we should have because we were far too young to understand that there would be a day when we could no longer be together. But I swear that if I had know what I know now, I would've said I was sorry for the terrible things I said. I would've said I was sorry for the terrible love I loved you with. I could've loved you better. I should have loved you better.

- Could, I should have // thewordsyouneverunderstood

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I am worth more than the Tuesday afternoons I’ve spent sitting at the park bench two blocks down from my house with you. I am tired of having to wait for Tuesday, because Tuesday is the only day you’re sober enough to talk about what hurts and even on Tuesdays, you’re still a little high and you’re still choking on all the words you want to say, but can’t really and you’re still coughing up blood from two nights ago when you decided that doing meth would make you forget that things are getting bad again but what you’re really forgetting is that three days later, you’ll wake up sober and nothing will have changed…except maybe your insides hurt more and your heart a little less. But Tuesday’s are still the only day when I can ask for you to call me back and you won’t forget. Every other day of the week, you’re not someone I can call. Every other day of the week, you’re not the one who has loved me better than anyone else. Every other day of the week, you’re not you. Every other day of the week- I’m forgetting what the person I fell in love with was like.
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I know you still think about me sometimes. I’m the only one you call when she’s angry at you because I know what it’s like. I’m the only one who knows what it’s like to be with you. You call me because you need a reminder that you’re not such a terrible person to be with, you need me to tell you that you're not hard to love but I can never stop telling you that you are. You are hard to love and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. Not everyone in this world is going to love you like you need to be loved and not everyone is going to see you for who you are and that’s okay, don’t worry about it too much. I know exactly what it is to love you and I know that even on the days when it was hard, it never stopped being worth it.

when she argues with you, I’m the one you call // thewordsyouneverunderstood

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I know that somehow, you will always be a part of me. You were the first boy I ever loved as you were the first boy I ever lost. I knew that you wouldn't be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with because the truth is, there is someone who suits me better than you could. I can only hope that you find someone who loves you more than I ever could. I can only hope that when you find this person, you keep them, I can only hope that you're good enough for her and if you think that she deserves better, you're right. So be better for her. Don't leave her because she's everything you need. You're supposed to leave people because you don't love them, not because they're everything you know how to love. I'm asking you not to be a coward. I'm asking you to return all her phone calls and I'm asking you to write her letters and leave them at her doorstep on the days when she is blue. I'm asking you to listen when she needs it and share the silence with her when you have to but fill it when you must. I'm asking you to meet her mother and take her to meet yours. I hope she meets your father and I hope he loves her just as much as you do. I'm asking you to introduce her to your brother and let her hold your hand in the backseat of your mothers car. I'm asking you to be patient with her, wait for her until she's ready to belong to you, she has to belong to herself first. I'm asking you to be kind and I'm asking you to be honest, I know it is hard to be both. I'm asking you to buy her flowers once a week, and let her sing you songs only she's ever heard of because it makes her feel less sad. Just love her, even when it's hard, even when she's asking you to never call again, love her then. She won't always be easy to love. She will scream at you on the street past midnight, she will tell you things that hurt but forgive her. Forgive her because she loves you as much as you love her. I know that she will be much better for you than I ever was, so don't let her get away. Don't let her get away.

-Letter for You // thewordsyouneverunderstood

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I don’t want to love you anymore. I want all my secrets back and I want to take back half the I love you’s because you didn’t deserve to hear them on the nights when your mind was spinning much faster than the world ever could. I want my whole life back, I don’t care how broken it is. I don’t care that I’ll have cuts on my hands, I just need it back. I need you not to worry about the fixing because I’ve learned that people can’t bandage what hurts to make it hurt less. I can do the fixing myself. I know I can, I know that maybe it won’t be easy. I know that there will be days when I will sit on my bedroom floor and try to imagine a life without you and I know that I won’t be able to but know that I won’t stop trying to breathe without you. I lived without you for 15 years, so believe me when I say, I can do it for the rest of my life.
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