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#not really a poem – @thewordsyouneverunderstood on Tumblr
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We had a hell of a nice time together. We held hands in our youth and by the time we made it to the end, we weren’t the same people who believed that we’d have more time. By the time we reached the end, we were worn out from making excuses to hold on to each other. We were worn out from trying to keep all the promises we made. It’s enough for me to think that we tried to keep them. I hope you know that. I understand. It was too hard to grow without out growing each other and the thing with being so young and naive is that you really believe in the idea of loving someone for lifetimes. The problem isn’t believing in that, the problem is believing that you get to keep that person the whole time you love them and now I see how wrong I was. Because it’s been two years and I will love you till the last day I spend on earth but you won’t be there with me. You haven’t been here with me and that was sad for a hell of a long time but in time, it only got better. I can love you for a whole lifetime and in a different realm after this but I’ve accepted that you aren’t for me to keep. You never were. But for what it's worth thank you for being the first to love me with such high hopes for the future. Thank you for the firsts and lasts and for dreaming with me. For not letting me be the only one who believed that we’d have forever. Thank you for teaching me that broken hearts can heal and that your first love is not going to be your last.

letters for a first love @thewordsyouneverunderstood

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A list of all the boys I’ve kissed: 1. It was October and my hands felt a little empty until I found yours.  2. We both had a little too much to drink. It didn’t mean anything. 3. I did it out of spite. I knew that if I kissed you- something in him would break. I’m sorry. 4. For the record,  you kissed me.  5. Thank you for singing Ed Sheeran songs with me in your car and even more for holding my hand. For kissing me with music playing in the background. I’ll always remember those songs. 6. I needed a friend and you ran all the way from your house to see me. I just needed someone who listened but you gave me so much more. 7. You tasted like stale cigarettes. 8. I knew about her and I still kissed you back anyways because it didn’t mean anything, did it? You love her and I love him.  9. Thank you for loving me as best as you could.  10. You sat there in silence and listened. I couldn’t help it.  11. I loved you but I wasn’t the only one.  12. You were drunk and you were lonely. I was too.  13. I gave you my silver ring with the word love engraved on the outside. It’s been two years since then and you’re father to a beautiful boy. Be good to him.  14. Damn are you fucked up. You never mentioned you were having a daughter. 15. You loved me. You were good to me and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be what you needed me to be.  16. I made a mistake. You did too. 17. We’re not bestfriends anymore. 18. I guess I miss you but not enough to go back to you. I know you miss me too.  19. You drove 2 hours to see me for 5 minutes. Next time though, remember that I hate roses. 20. You were sad and I was there when she wasn’t. We’re still bestfriends. 21. It was December and he was gone.  22. You took me by my wrist and left bruises. That wasn’t love.  23. I never saw you again. 24. I'm never going to see you again. 25. Two years later and I can still feel the ache of loving you. Please come home.

A list of all the boys I’ve kissed // thewordsyouneverunderstood

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