you people always say "aros can still date, aces can still have sex" but then when you even consider the possibility of an aroallo man dating a woman who is consenting and happy to be with him, you screech and call him an abuser and say that he's "objectifying women"

like you guys just use it as an excuse to make aro and ace characters functionally allo, but then scream and cry when you realize that the attraction still isn't there when aros and aces irl get into those types of relationships. you don't actually believe that aros can still date and aces can still have sex, you just like pretending we're allo.

here's the thing. "ace people can still have sex" and "aro people can still be in relationships" are objectively true statements. this is because people can do whatever the fuck they want forever regardless of their label/orientation. however some of you have GOT to get your shit together and stop using those statements to undermine larger conversations about aspec identity. following up "ace people don't owe you sex in a relationship" with "ace people can still have sex in a relationship though!" is not fucking helpful! yes it's true. yes it's a reality for many people. however if we used our fucking brains for a second and thought about how following up "people don't have to conform to societal expectation" with "but people can still conform!! don't worry they can still conform!!!!" is counterproductive and very frustrating for a lot of people then we could get back to the actual point which is not "aspec people can still have sex/be in relationships" but "aspec people can do whatever they want with their relationships and their bodies". which they can, by the way. they can do whatever they want forever. and you should give them 200 dollars every time you see them for dealing with this shit

about a month ago, my uncle asked if I had a significant other. I appreciate his gender inclusivity, of course.

I'm used to the question. it's not like it's something outrageous that he's asking. so I simply said no, that's not for me.

he looked at me and said "well, someday." not someday maybe, just.... someday.

of course I'm not quick to anger, but there's a part of me that's a little more defensive about my aroace identity. so I jumped to my defense.

my uncle isn't a bad guy, he's quite nice and tries his best to be respectful in the current political shit storm by supporting queer people. but apparently that does exclude me, an aroace.

I reiterated that I'm just not interested in a romantic or sexual partnership, and I really do not ever see that changing.

and he said something to the effect of "it's okay if you don't want that now."

and I said, "no, it's just okay that I don't want that."

and he said that I was pessimistic. as if I was secretly searching for a relationship or a partner, but was rejecting love because I could not find one.

I calmly (with all the rage in my veins) told him "no, a life without love or sex is something optimistic for me."

he had the gall to look horrified.

I'm sick of aroace people not being seen as normal human people when they don't want the outcome of their life to look like everyone else's. I'm sick of the white picket fence, I'm sick of the assumption that everyone has another half out there.

I'm whole on my own.

I'm whole on my own

honestly idgaf about like. putting queer discourse into a community poll as if its up for debate but genuinely if you don't include or support asexual and aromantic people you should unfollow me. don't want you here and yes that includes cisgender people and yes that includes straight people who are aro or ace. i don't caaaaaare dude thog don't care

btw it's not up for debate. i thought we had gotten past this it's not fucking up for debate. aros you're my heroes aces you're my heroes aroallos you're my heroes aceallos you're my heroes demisexuals you're my heroes people with other sick and cool aspec labels you're my heroes i am one of you and this is not up for debate

Let’s talk about the fabulous aromantics out there

Ace rings and Aro rings. What are they?

An ace ring is a black ring, usually worn on the middle finger on the right hand, that indicates you are on the asexual spectrum. An aro ring is the basically the same thing just white and worn on your left hand. Many people on the spectrum don’t know about the rings, so it is often times a more personal symbol. It’s just a really neat way to embrace your ace-ness and/or aro-ness.

Some people go with plain black and plain white., but others like their rings with a little bit more to them. Some people might go out even further and get rings that are dragon-like. I will explain the meaning of dragons in the ace community in a later post. There are even rings out there with the ace of spades (and other suits) which the meaning of that is explained in one of my previous posts. There are also cool rings out there that are less subtle that have the aro flag colors, ace flag, colors, and the sunset aroace flag. Overall, just the normal ace ring and any other ace symbols are used by people!

Feel free to reblog and get this info out there! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

the aro urge to call ppl "my love" or "my beloved" or "the love of my life" but in a very uniquely aro way

Trying to figure out if you’re ace or aro can be so goddamn hard because it’s like, trying to find the absence of something. Imagine you’re at a pond and you want to know if there are any turtles, or fish. Say you find a turtle and you’re like “great! Now I know there are turtles.” Or a fish, now you know for sure there are fish. Or you find both, and now you know for a fact there are both turtles and fish in the pond.

But like, if you don’t find any turtles it might be that there are no turtles or maybe you’re just really shitty at looking for turtles and maybe you THINK you saw a turtle over there or maybe it was just a stick. Maybe there are only a few turtles. Maybe you need to do something special to find the turtles. Maybe a bunch of these rocks are actually turtles but you couldn’t tell them apart. Maybe there are no turtles. You have no idea. Meanwhile some people are saying “Oh there have to be turtles! You’ll find them eventually ;)” or “How many turtles have you found in your pond?” or “Try planting some vegetables at the shore to attract the turtles.” Or “Oh no! What disaster happened to your pond that there are no turtles?” And you’re just standing there wet with an empty net and a tired expression.

But whatever because whether there are turtles or fish or not your pond’s ecology works just fine without them because that’s what eco-communities do they form a system around what they have. You aren’t missing anything if you don’t have turtles you just have a pond system without turtles. If someone tried to change you by pouring a bunch of turtles into your pond it would probably fuck something up.

So you don’t have to be entirely sure. You don’t have to search every inch of the damn pond before you can decide there are probably no turtles. If you want to take the aro or ace label because you think it fits go for it. And if you do find your turtles you can rename the pond. That’s fine.

Tfw you say no to attraction and gender