@theunimpairedcondition / theunimpairedcondition.tumblr.com
Begging reporters and mfkng editors to please understand grammar and syntax, or failing which to please get a new job.
The man was not "allegedly killed". He was most definitely, certainly killed. Allegedly by a 13 year old.
The number of words in the hed and the lede wouldn't even change. Just change the position of the word you dumb shiteaters.
The Indianapolis Star, Indiana, March 18, 1926
I mean... +5 points to @umbrafishies for bringing up one of my pandemic special interests, but the mfkng Chemical Warfare Society ran a lobbying campaign with millionaires and the US Senate to create a peace-time industry for chlorine and boyoboy did they have a good few years with it.
Washington Post, Wednesday, May 21, 1924
New York Herald Tribune. Wednesday, May 21, 1924
New York Herald Tribune. Thursday, May 22, 1924
Hell, within a week of that headline, the NYC Health Commissioner established therapeutic Chlorine gas chambers on E.116th street (The Red Cross White House)
The publicity was good enough for patent applications. Here's from the Official US Patent Office Gazette VOLUME 334 MAY 1925.
Chlorine Kilacold Bomb! Mm mm mmhhh....
hello elodie. please enjoy this high expression of grass fandom in the form of an entire chapter on cricket pitch grass : link dot springer dot com / chapter / 10.1007 / 978-981-99-2913-9_6 what do you think the funniest alternative cricket pitch groundcover would be
This was published in Springer Transactions in Civil and Environmental Engineering. The article's abstract starts off with a completely new series of words:
One of the main reasons for a fast and bouncy wicket is uniform, deep-rooted grass growth in turf pitches.
It has long been understood that academic language makes all things preternaturally serious, and writing in this style conveys things with accuracy and precision. It is also well-known that any description of cricket, whether oral or written, is almost impossibly silly. Writing about cricket in academic terms instantly creates a sort of battery-acid cocktail! The "fast and bouncy wicket" spontaneously reacts with the seriousness of the premise, and curdles, instantly. I think everyone should drink this.
After reading the abstract alone I genuinely can't recommend another plant for cricket pitches. The considerations are hyper-intersectional, they're intersectional on dimensions I can't even comprehend, there are factors reaching into the seventh dimension of spacetime. We have to consider so many factors: pace, bounce, spring, tension, wickets, stickiness. I can talk about rhizomes, but I am utterly undone by cricket. You can explain to me the difference between a googly and a doosra as a form of psychological torture and I will simply look up at you, like a weasel in a trap, saying back to you, "I will escape from this and learn nothing." What other groundcover should we plant for cricket pitches? I am already gone. I am leaving. I have evaporated from this place by transposing my molecules. I think we should pave cricket pitches in trampoline material
I think Cricket Pitch Profile Matrix is a great band name, actually
samw on mastodon spotted this box at emf, and I have to agree with him, it's hilarious.
(crossposted with permission)
Top notch speech recognition from Google
looking for shirt braces online and I saw this and thought tumblr would appreciate it
There're far too many notes... But I looked into the provenance of this image and it gets even funnier
ok but we're all missing the important question here... WHO in the vatican has taught the spanish-speaking pope how to say faggotry in italian. how on earth did it come up. was it a prank. was it political sabotage. is there homosexual tomfoolery afoot in santa marta. I need to know more
your holiness did you perchance say FAGGOTRY
I can't stress enough how much in my decades living gayly in Italy I have never ever heard a straight person say frociaggine. Only the gays say it. WHO TAUGHT HIM
Hi. Good morning. This morning while doing a routine herring gull impression while brushing my teeth I accidentally mentally transposed the birdwatching term “jizz” (a bird’s characteristic motion, gesture, posture, and expression; familiarity with which means it can be identified by a leaf moving in the corner of your eye) with “rizz.”
How about it. Should we try it out. Should we goncharov the birdwatching community into calling it the bird’s distinctive rizz.
Post cancelled we’re going to gonch the use of gonch as a verb
I will do anything it takes to not have to identify a bird by its unique jizz.
Look, I admit rizz maybe works better, but every bird has its own unique flav *gunshot*
At least we’re all going to hell together!
Finally an outlet for my historical special interests.
Why are Google's voice services just getting shittier and shittier? What the fuck is "recrudentialing"? What the fuck is "crudentialing"? Why are they just fucking making up words now...? How many times do a bunch of morons have to misspell "recredentialing" for Google's "AI" scraper to just go ahead and assume "recrudentialing" is a real word?
Case in point. I was dictating this post, and the voice assistant just spelled it as:
Amazing fkn copy. Doesn't sound like the plot of a slasher film at all
I'm watching Batwoman in the background as white noise while I work (one of the Julia Pennyworth episodes). And I just sent someone my copy of priory of the orange tree and realised something: the duchess of justice is the cupbearer (bouteillier).
AKA: The Butler Did It
The untweaked originals aren't that much better. Imagine reading it from a distance
Although it would have been a very bold choice if it had been a brand of toilet paper
how to explain to non-americans that the better call saul ads aren’t exaggerated for comedic effect they are super normie
Ok, but the bat thing is for her SF Giants partnership tho. That they just photoshopped in there like a bunch of low/no-effort gremlins.
