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#relationship development – @thesunflowersqueen on Tumblr
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Ramblings from Apalapachia...

@thesunflowersqueen / thesunflowersqueen.tumblr.com

Helen Sunflower. 34. Enby/Demisexual/Queer. They/Them. Feminist. British-Canadian. Traveller. English Language Teacher. Artist. Reader. Writer. Dramatist. Whovian. Sci-fi & fantasy lover. Talks too much. Wants more than ordinary. Willing to fight for it. Sometimes NSFW.
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There are 4 things I learned when I was 25:

You do not have to be affectionate all the time to care for someone, in fact, caring can also mean a couple of texts or silence for a few days while you both live your lives happily and separately.

People do not care for you less when they’re busy with their own lives. It’s your reaction to them being their own person - and your ability to make yourself happy - that determines how they feel about you.

Not everyone reciprocates to your actions the same way. If you want someone to acknowledge, be interested in, or treat you a certain way for your efforts, all you have to do is let them know. They will try their personal best to accommodate that within their personal spectrum of feelings.

No one owes you 100% of them, not even after 30 years, because someone having a percentage of themselves is what keeps them sane at the end of the day and that’s okay.

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ducksaysm00

These things are so important to learn.

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goosegoblin

my boyfriend and I sometimes struggle to be on the same page when it comes to comforting- often i just want to vent and don’t need advice, whereas validation confuses him and he wants a plan of action

to counter this, we’ve come up with a system where we ask: “do you want advice, empathy, both or neither?” 

if it’s just advice, i know to go straight to action points and not spend time on fluffy words 

if it’s just empathy, he knows i want to be reassured and comforted and that’s all

if it’s both, it’s time for advice that recognises how hard the situation is and is perhaps gentler in nature

if it’s neither, just a hug is really good

i recommend trying to use this in your lives! it makes sure you’re giving and getting what you need, and reduces the risk of resentment or similar

I do this with most of my friends, tbh

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