"I'm full of love, and nobody wants it."

That quote made me realize some things tonight. I am so full of love, I'm overflowing. I can hardly sit still I'm so full. I want to pour it on everyone I pass and everything I see. And really, there is nothing wrong with that. It's fulfilling and it makes me happy to just BE love. But I think I'm craving a companion lately. I'm no where near lonely. I'm pleasantly alone. I think it's just lovely to be able to give someone what they deserve. As much as I want to find someone to give it to, I also don't feel the need to rush it at all. If people keep coming and going and aren't willing to open up to what I have then why should I try to give it to them? It just isn't right for either of us. And that's okay, because that just means that the right person will come at the right time. No need to rush it, no need to waste it. It is what it is. Everything comes when it's supposed to. I am just so very excited for the next person I get to be with. I've finally gotten time to fall in love with myself, and now I get to fall in love with someone else and share so much with. You'd think that quote would be sad, but it actually makes me really happy because eventually someone will want it and it will be perfect. (:

Do you think maybe there are "almost soul mates"? The people who help you but it never quite works out, and it isn't meant to. But they show up in every one of your lives to show you who you are. 

I think a lot and my mind just wanders and wanders like it's running in circles through a forest and keeps seeing the same thing but can't connect it to what was seen before, and sometimes it comes up with something really great and beautiful. Sometimes its like the sun just broke the ugly clouds and it forced me to remember how beautiful everything is, in a way that if I don't chase after it and run and run and skip with it then it might hop down the hole in the ground too fast and run off to wonderland without me.  What was I saying? 

Thinking #5 -

For the longest time I keep having these realizations that I want to change and become a simpler, better person. Not simpler in the mind, but in my actions and possessions. Recently these realizations have been coming up way more frequently than they had in the past. So why am I hardly doing anything about it? I need to stop saying I'm going to do something and not do it, like change my ways. I try my hardest not to judge, but I don't want to have to try at all not to judge. Or get rid of the things I don't need. I always always buy more things I don't need, then go through everything and start to get rid of it. I am about to go off to college, I can't have random things anymore and I don't want to. I want to have less to worry about and more to focus on my mind and my soul and not my items sitting in my closet or desk. 

Eat, Pray, Love was something that pushed this movement of mine. Not the movie, the book. I fell asleep watching the movie haha but in all seriousness, Elizabeth Gilbert is my hero. (I hear she doesn't do anything that she did in the book now, but I will just forget about that comment!) She must have had money, which is something a lot of us do not have, because she traveled to three different countries for 4 months at each place. But the presence of where she is isn't what inspires me. Its the way she turned her life around, got ahold of her mind and controlled it and settled it and that is all I want to do. But I don't want to think about it. I just want to do it. I can't keeping saying I'm going to start meditating and not do it. I can't keep saying that I will not judge and not judge. I can't keep saying I will get rid of my items and not do it. I can't keep saying that I'm going to ease my mind and not attempt it. 

I want this to be a journey I take alone but a journey everyone will accept. I want to be peaceful and happy and nonjudgemental and everything good. I want my soul to be pure and free. 

And that's my thought for tonight.