things haven't been great but i think they will be. eventually 🌻🌼🩷

It is the people you love and trust the most that have the tools to destroy you the hardest.

This is what I learned when I lost one of my closest friends a couple years ago. I was the one told to leave and I know now that I was the one hurting the most during and after our friendship. I know because it took her half a year to move on (her words). I needed years and I'm still hurting sometimes. And there is a couple things I learned during that time that I hope can help you or... Anyone this reaches.

And yes. People who love you can hurt you too.

It's not whatever twisted version of love she has for you, however, it's your love for them that hurts so much because you believe you have to stop loving in order to heal. And the thing is, you can't.

You can love her from a distance. You can love people and still let them go.

You deserve to be happy, op. You deserve to love people who love you unconditionally. But don't forget that you're allowed to be angry too. You need all the stages of grief on the road to acceptance, don't leave any step out.

And lastly, you might feel guilty or ashamed for something. It could be anything, like "if I hadn't forgotten my homework, she wouldn't have hit me". It's the what ifs, it's the I could have prevented this, that can haunt you for quite a while. Even if it's followed by "I didn't do any wrong", the fact that it keeps repeating in your head is a sign that you don't believe it.

Forgive yourself. For anything you did. Be it fight back, for making a mistake or something irrational like for hurting. You blame yourself, you guilt trip and gaslight yourself. Because thinking YOU did something wrong makes you believe you had control over the situation. You didn't. And you need to accept that and you need to forgive yourself. You did your best, you deserve some mercy.

Good luck, OP. Take good care of yourself.

Ok but before you go throwing random stuff into your story to spice it up or get it un-stuck, consider doing the following:

Point is, the deeper the connections between your story elements, the more satisfying the read. You don’t have to view those connections as a constraint. They can tell you what needs to happen next.

Lmao, this is exactly how my brainstorming starts

Hey.

I'm serious when I say I think the sentiment that kindness requires "zero effort" is harmful.

The idea that kind is a thing you can be innately, without having to think or feel anything about it, leaves a gap in the fence where the other idea "if I have unkind thoughts or feelings, I am by nature a bad, unkind person" can slip through.

Listen. That's bullshit.

Being kind to other people means paying attention to the effect your words and actions have on others, caring about it, and trying to make those effects better. That's work.

If you have a nasty thought about another person that annoys you and you contain the impulse, hold your tongue, and let it go? That was effort.

If you took time out to really think about something you wanted to say and make sure it would have its intended result without causing accidental harm that you wouldn't have noticed if you went totally off the cuff? Wow, that took some work!

If you were tired and angry and full of hatred but you still did the dishes so your housemate has something to eat their breakfast off of in the morning, that wasn't easy.

I don't think there are magical "kind" people who never have a mean thought and are always selfless and pure. That would be exhausting and impossible.

I'm not a "nice person," I'm a nasty, bitter, angry, sad person who tries to have good leash manners, control my worst impulses, and not jump on strangers because they don't deserve that shit from me.

I don't always succeed, but I'm trying. I'm trying and it's worth it.

Kindness is a skill.

And like any skill, it get's easier through practice. Through analysing and learning and being educated or instructed in how to act kind.

And yes, kindness is acting. But not acting from pretense, it's acting as in action, as in doing. A good actor is LIVING the role. Being the role. Becoming the role, until it becomes a part of who you are.

You can decide who you are. And who you want to be. And who you are is decided by your actions. Not just your thoughts and feeling, but how you deal with it.

So, kindness is a skill. And as any skill, you start by beeing awful at it. And that's alright. Don't give up. You'll get there eventually. And you will love yourself for doing it. Because kindness is something that doubles when you share it, when it get's returned to you too. That's when it becomes easy and worthwhile.

But don't forget:

You have to start with yourself first. Be kind to yourself too. Don't forget that.

Oh man you guys weren't kidding about the Twitter refugees with empty blogs. Spooky

a sanctuary of quiet wisdom. all can learn from this

I got a message the other day on here, which was a pretty simple hello. So i did what I always do and checked the bio first to see what kind of person is talking to me.

So, the profile was a pretty girl, the blog had one post other than that profile which was a comic. My brain still went into warning mode: is this a bot?

So i answered the hello and the first few lines of conversation were pretty normal. Hello, who are you, where do you live?

Which to me, was kinda sus. So i asked them what they want to talk about. I don't talk around the bush with Strangers.

They got like.... Kinda upset? But the answer was still pretty simple. 'i want to make friends.'

The thing is... This is tumblr. this ain't a usual social media side. You don't come here to meet people in real life, you come here to bury your shame. That's like.... The whole theme. This ain't twitter or instagram. I told them this isn't information i wanted to share and the conversation moved on.

Every single line by them was a one liner. A question. Nothing that shared anything personal about them that wasn't "here is where i live". Like.... Bro. This is fandom. I'm a fanblog. Personal talk here is gushing about fanart and fanfics and characters and shit.

Eventually I asked them to prove to me they aren't a bot. This person asked my why i thought that, so I explained what I just pointed out above. I asked them to give me more than two lines about anything they like about any fandom, if they want me to believe they are a real person.

Their answer was smth like: are you mad that I like your stuff?

Which.... As you can imagine, proved to me they were a bot.

Either that or a Twitter user who get's upset at the most unreasonable points in a conversation.

One post is not enough.

If you want to be distinguished from a bot, use more than two sentences. Don't use a real persons face on here (for goodness sake, don't tell people where you live as a conversation Starter).

REBLOG. ART.

This ain't twitter. This ain't facebook or instagram. This is tumblr. In here we dry clean.

If you look like a bot, you will be blocked.

awesome news, everyone!!

Descartes: the only thing certain about us is that we exist as a thinking thing! I think, so I am.

This guy: ah yes, no, fuck you.

I think these philosophers forget that it doesn't fucking matter if we're illusions or not.

We are, at the very least, under the illusion. This IS what we define as reality. And the only way for us to survive is live under these illusions.

If we only believe in what's undeniable, then the world around as collapses and you stop functioning to live.

So stop doubting your existence, because YOU define what's real.

i dont really feel like an adult. i know i am one, but a lot of the time i feel like a child in an adults body. it's why i don't like the terms man or woman for myself. they feel too mature. and i know i'm still young, but i see my peers and realize how immature i am in comparison.

also i hate categorizing people as mature or immature bc a lot of the time it's just ableism. i dont think it's a bad thing i dont behave like a neurotypical person my age, but what people think about me gets to me. it doesn't make me less important or less worthy than others. it shouldn't, at least.

Being mature doesn't mean to bury your inner child. It means setting it free under your own watchful gaze. It means you get to see it have the fun it always wanted but under the rules you set for yourself. And under the conditions you make (like with how much money you get to spend on things.) That's how I see it. I think that if you don't, you will end up miserable.

I'm 23. When i'm 40, I hope I will still be silly.

(i get the label thing though. Don't worry about that. Labels are there for you and you can choose them however you fancy.)

Tips on Getting Published, Part 1

At my university, I received a publishing mentor who taught me about authorship in today’s publishing industry. I realize a lot of people don’t have that opportunity, so I’m going to publish advice I’ve received from my mentor and my personal author journey.

Create an Author Avatar.

DO NOT SKIP THIS PART. IT IS LITERALLY VITAL, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

When people think of authors, they often think of the George Eliots and Emily Dickensons, the aloof, mysterious author who publishes from the shadows and is only heard of through their work. The reality is that you can no longer get published with this strategy today. I mean maybe you can, it’ll just be 10x harder. Sure, Anne Rice can afford to not use social media for her contact, but she can do that because she’s Anne Rice. Modern authors today are accessible, speak on TV and radio, attend writing conventions, perform spoken word, and run social media accounts, websites, blogs. You can easily find them. There’s a reason for this.

Contrary to popular belief, many publishers are constantly scouring the web and conventions for new authors. They will mainly publish authors who already have a following, and who are already established as legitimate authors. If they can’t FIND you, then they won’t KNOW ABOUT you, and you won’t get any offers. In fact, BOTH ME AND MY PUBLISHING MENTOR WERE OFFERED PUBLISHING OPPORTUNITIES OVER SOCIAL MEDIA. That’s right. She was offered a book deal on Instagram, and I was contacted by a publisher right here on Tumblr. 

So how do publishers weed through all the social media accounts and think, “I’m interested in learning about this person”? They know by the author avatar. An author avatar is the persona you display to your readership. It doesn’t have to be a completely different person than you are (in fact, most authors are basically just themselves), but it must be the aspect of your personality that you want your readers to think of when they think about you. It will be the part of you that publishers see when they’re considering giving you a deal.

These are tips on how to establish your author persona.

1. You ARE an author.

You are not an aspiring author, you’re not a young author, you’re not a beginner, novice, or future writer. You’re an author. Stop underestimating yourself. People will not take you seriously if you don’t take yourself seriously.

This concept may seem weird to writers, because we’re so used to the mindset of “One day I’ll be an author, but I’m not right now”. In addition, many people believe that you need to receive money for your work to be considered a published author. This actually isn’t true. Have you published work in a school newspaper? You’re published. Many publishers will count this, as it gives you the experience of submitting your work and going through an editing process. Have you self-published? You’re an author. Posted on a blog? Author. Written fan fiction on DeviantArt? Author. Have you traded your work with someone? Trading is really big in the self-publishing industry, so consider yourself an author. 

Change you Instagram or Twitter description, right now. You’re an author. Period.

2. Your genre needs to be more specific than the one you have in your head right now.

When people ask “What do you write?” they’re actually asking for not only your genre, but your sub-genre, your writing themes, and your intended audience. Publishers and fellow writers want to know ALL of these things.

Steven King doesn’t just write horror. He writes supernatural fiction horror and suspense psychological thrillers for adults. My publishing mentor Meliza Bañales marketed her book Life Is Wonderful, People Are Terrific as a queer chicana punk 90′s young adult feminist coming-of-age story. I shit you not, she included that many words.

It’s okay to write multiple genres, but you need to pinpoint EXACTLY what you write, who you write it for, and what kind of themes your story explores. This proves that your story will appeal to a wide, but specific range of audiences.

3. Choose a social media persona and stick with it.

Your persona is the part of you that you over-dramatize, in a sense, to your audience. It can be related to your genre, or not, but it should ideally appeal to your intended audience. For example, one of my friends and fellow writers wrote a ten-chapter Star Wars fan fiction, so she decided to emphasize her persona as the hopeless romantic nerd who’s in love with every character in the franchise. She now attends the Disney College Program, which has a 7% admittance rate, lower than most Ivy Leagues. If you think about it, that’s exactly the kind of person Disney wants: Someone so interested and bubbly about their work that they know everything about it and will talk about it all the time.

Here’s another example: Konstantinos, the author of Nocturnal Witchcraft, has a very specific gothic kind of aesthetic, which you can see not only from his website, but also his book covers. That style appeals to many people, including me, who picked up Gothic Grimoire because it caught my eye in a used bookstore.

If your current accounts are too personalized, or use a name you’d rather not have as your pen name, I recommend creating another account strictly for your author persona.

Social media is about showing off yourself. People will want to become friends with you. They’ll trust you, follow you, fall in love with you, and they’ll buy your writing because it’s your writing. That may be hard to imagine, but it’s true. 

5. Create an author resume.

Authors will oftentimes create special resumes that detail their experience as the author they want to be seen as. In this resume, only include the things that will help buffer you as an author. This will also help you update your author bio/cover letters.

For example, I work as a janitor right now. Though I might put that on my regular resume, that doesn’t appear very author-y based on what I write. However, I can include that I’ve worked in a spice and tea shop for five years. This proves that I have a basic knowledge of herbalism and natural health benefits, which is big in the new age publishing industry. 

You DO NOT have to include everything you write. I know a writer who runs a blog about taking care of dogs, and it has a solid following. However, that doesn’t relate to what she normally publishes, which are murder mysteries. So while she does run this blog, it doesn’t fit in with her regular author avatar, so she doesn’t include it in her resume or author bio. Speaking of which:

6. Master the author bio.

The author bio is the paragraph next to the author photo you see on the back of the book. It’s one of the first things readers look at when they pick up a work. So yes, it’s important. Author bios are included on books, magazines, blogs (yes, certain blogs publish people), anthologies, zines–pretty much any published work. These paragraphs should summarize your persona, your achievements, and your work in less than 100 words. You have to include an author bio for every single submission, so master it now.

The bio must include:

Your author bio will change over time as you find new things to update it with. That’s fine. But the format of an author bio will always remain the same. Here’s an example of one of mine:

Author bios are usually in third person, although depending on the context, some publishers and bosses may want you to write them in first person. You can get creative with the tone here: make it funny, cheeky, whatever fits with your author avatar.

7. You are always working on something.

Even if you’re not. Literally, if people ask, just make something up. Ideally you should be writing as often as you can, but let’s be real, sometimes life gets in the way or we’re so focused on publishing nonsense that we haven’t worked in a while. 

Writers often change their work in the middle of writing it, so no one will blame you if you end up falling through. The only time this ISN’T the case is in writing author proposals. Proposals usually detail large products or books that you send in to a publisher or editor, and your project MUST MUST MUST stick to that proposal. This goes for every proposal except screenwriting, since those stories change multiple times before the film is even shot. But I will get to that in a later post.

Feel free to add, feel free to respond, especially with experiences of your own. I am not the know-all, end-all of publishing, but this is what I’ve been taught, and it’s transformed me from a writer to a published author making money off of her work within a couple months. If you have any other questions, ask me, email me, hit me up on Insta, whichever way you prefer. Happy writing!!! 

I would also like to add onto this. As someone who works in graphic design and has a degree in Advertising in general, social media is an excellent tool to sell yourself and to get other people interested in your writing. You’re already on Tumblr, which believe it or not is SOCIAL MEDIA, but why not do some research about what other social medias you should join? There’s different ones for different types of authors.

If your work is more artistic, Tumblr, Snapchat and Instagram are your best tools to convey your artistic work and even behind the scenes stuff should you wish.

Need more informational posts? Twitter and Facebook.

What is your TARGET AUDIENCE? This is ALSO SO SO SO IMPORTANT. No point in advertising a book to teenagers on Facebook because most of them hardly use that social media. In this instance, Snapchat is your best friend.

Know your target audience and know your audience in general.

Hard truth that I’ve had to confront that I’m honestly not proud of:

Constantly voicing your abandonment issues lead to more people abandoning you.

I do not mean in Serious Conversations about what you need in a relationship or anything like that - I mean when your friend plays a video game with a different friend for a few days and you feel like your world is crumbling, that is not the time to talk about them.

I understand the fear that someone will decide they are done with you. I live that fear every single day, but here’s the rub.

If you tell people “you’ll probably leave me anyway” or similar things every time you feel that fear, people will leave you.

Not because they don’t want to be your friend, your partner, your roommate, whatever. Not because you aren’t deserving of friends (you are), but because it is exhausting to be constantly told by someone you like/love to go away.

Because that is how it feels on the other end. I don’t say this to make it worse, or to make you feel like you’re at fault. Your brain is hurting you, and it’s okay to feel things. But if you find that it’s hard to keep people around you, then you need to hear that outside of things like conversations about boundaries and triggers and such, it would be to your benefit to change your language.

Instead of telling people “you probably don’t like me”, try asking. “You like me? It’s much easier for them to reassure you when you don’t start with a negative, because it puts your brain in a different mindset, one that finds it easier to believe their response.

Sit with your issues. Parent them. And when they’re done screaming, hold their little hands and dry their little faces and try to remember that you are worth being loved. I won’t say it’s easy, because it’s really fucking not. I won’t say you’ll get it the first time, or that you’ll never fuck up. I still do. But you deserve friends and partners and love, it’s just that so do they.

I agree with this on everything.

Yet I must question how useful it is to ask someone whether they like you.

While assuming how they feel about you is kinda rude, asking them directly might feel insincere to some. It's, I suppose, the reason why many people don't ask. Do it anyway, it's good for your mantra.

BUT! Maybe it's worth approaching it from the other side. Saying: hey, you know what? I really like you. I'm thankful for having you in my life. This is why I like hanging out with you. Especially when you feel down. Thank them for having you there. For their time.

Because it changes your disposition. When you speak like this, you're not the one "allowed" in this place. You choose to be there. You're on equal terms with the other person. And friends are meant to be equal.

At the same time you're inviting the idea that it's okay to compliment one another in a genuine way. You're inviting the idea of gratitude, care and warmth, which is not a language that many people speak naturally, because many people feel shame for showing love of any kind. This makes it more likely to be reciprocated. When you tell someone you care for them, it will make them happy. And in a circle of events, it will make them invite you more often, because you make them happy. And it becomes more easy for them to return that feeling. Verbally as well as practically.

Plus, it makes it easier for you to see whether you are really wanted and if the person is really worth your time. Because if they talk you down about your positive emotions for them, they are simply not deserving of them.

Depression can really tear you down. But never, not in your worst moments, are you and your emotions worth less than those of the people around you. We need to stop seeing our worse moments as ourselves being a problem. Being tolerable or even less. Because that's not what that moment is. care is not something you take from others, it's not something you can steal. It's something you invite and nourish, so that at another point in your life, you may return it, when someone else needs it.

Be thankful for every gesture of kindness. Because kindness is not a burden either. It's a gift and it's wasted on no one. Not on you and not on the person who'se giving it.

Be kind in that moment, when you don't feel you deserve kindness. The least it will do to you, is make you feel that, at least, you've been decent enough to appreciate someone else. Even when you felt that you didn't have it in you at all.

Caring about another is self care. Don't forget that.

"surely im faking this," i think, directly experiencing all the symptoms nd not benefiting from it at all

"Surely I am faking this" I tell myself and absolutely no one else because I refuse to even let them know I'm struggling in any way shape or form

Mee

This is why I don't really like the "don't fight the symptom, Fight the roots of it" mentality that has been indoctrinated into our brains.

I mean, yeah, it makes sense. You cannot fix your problems, if you don't search for the roots of them. But the thing is, that you need time to find them first.

What are you supposed to do with the symptoms until then? Ignore them?

I say no. I say, if you see some of your symptoms mirrored in someone elses experiences, take lessons from how they deal with it. Regardless whether or not you've been diagnosed with the same illness. Mental or physical or maybe the person isn't even diagnosed themselves.

Because why wouldn't you? Are your feelings inferior, because you aren't diagnosed, or are their's, because clearly they have a disability that you simply cannot have? because it would be shameful? Is this what you're thinking? I think you see where I'm getting with this.

I personally, never went to therapy, for the same reasons that many people fear it. The attention. Of this random person that clearly sees me sick or tells me it's all my imagination. Or my parents. Or others all around me.

But I wanted help, because I felt that something was'nt right. I was unreasonably anxious, my depressive "phases" seemed to go on forever. I kept isolating myself, yet seeking for attention. I was scared to wear dresses (i'm afab), which made no sense.

I didn't know where that came from. But i knew the symptoms, so I went to explore and listened to all the sources I could.

I listened to men who talked about wearing dresses. Now, i'm no man, but I felt that fear and they helped me through it. I started buying dresses, wearing them in my room, or outside when i felt bold. Slowly, i found the clothes that fit my style. I was already over 18, when I first saw myself in the mirror.

I was depressed over losing a friend. I didn't lose them to death, though I saw similarities in my behavior and that of people who lost a loved one. Or those who lost touch with the person they were in a Relationship with.

I learned through their grief, how to deal with that pain. And in return was able to better console them as well.

I struggled immensiley with anything sexual resembling. In movies, in people, in simply touching others. I learned to slowly approach my fears from knowing how to deal with nightmares. Dive right back in, and change it in such a way, so you can deal with it. So i watched movies with sexual content, so i could get used to it on my own terms and learned to hug my friends trust people again.

I learned through them, that I had never set boundaries for people. I learned to set them, realized I was asexual along the way and now know that I do not owe anyone sex or romantic love.

I learned through dissociative identity disorder when trauma forms and how suppression and amnesia works. From there I found a page about the symptoms that follow sexual abuse. Now I wasn't sexually abused..... Or was I? Because so many symptoms resonated with me. Amnesia, anxiety, aggression, apathy, living in fantasy worlds, sex repulsion etc. Etc. It scared me. So I figured, I had to deal with those symptoms, since I had no memories of anything traumatic happening. And only when I learned to trust people again, when i felt comfortable, that's when I remembered what caused my anxieties in the first place. What I had repressed.

And this can apply to anyhing. Of course therapy is the better option. But when you feel you can't go there, or you feel you don't deserve to go.

Your feelings are valid. And you can figure out where they come from. But you cannot learn from experiences you do not have. You can only learn from people who have dealt with them before.

And that can be from people who seem to have nothing in common with you at all. If you share the symptoms, you might also share the roots. If you don't, you might share the path that helps you deal with it.

How to protect yourself during stampede

Good information to have.

Do high school kids these days just have trans classmates now. Like I keep seeing zoomer posts casually referring to it. Fucking wild if true.

Here's what prompted this post btw

yeah my younger sibling's friend group made bets about if any more of them would end up as trans lol

[ID: tags reading “I mean yeah” and “were we. not supposed to have trans classmates (keysmash)” end ID]

I’m going to take these tags a little more seriously than they were probably intended.

We are elated y’all have trans classmates. We didn’t. We didn’t because it wasn’t an option to be trans, you probably didn’t even know the word. And if you did, your parents would have abused it out of you. And if they didn’t, the school staff would have. And if they didn’t, the other kids definitively would have.

I’m not even that old and let me tell you, my first year of high school, gay rights got discussed and that was it. Most were favorable about it and thought gays should just be allowed to do their own thing! So it wasn’t horrible on that front! But I had teachers tell me in the same breath bisexuality didn’t exist. And transness? Wasn’t even discussed. Even in my friend group of multiple bisexuals, I could count the number of times I even heard the word before I graduated high school, and it was said with apprehension. Like we were gonna get in trouble for knowing the word. Because in some families, you would have been in trouble for knowing the word “transgender”.

Trans acceptance has a long way to go, but please please please be aware that 10 years ago it was unthinkable, not because everyone hated trans people, but because a lot of people didn’t know they existed to think it.

This. I went to school before section 28 was repealed. I didn’t know trans people existed and, assuming my teachers even did, it would have been illegal for them to inform me. Queer people were officially not supposed to exist. Was I the only trans kid in my school? Probably not. Were there kids who, unlike me, knew they were trans? Maybe! I know people my age who transitioned younger. It was possible, just less common than now. I don’t know what my single-sex boarding school would have done if someone had come out as trans, but I do know when a boy at my then-boyfriend’s single-sex boarding school was outed as gay his parents were called to pick him up for his own safety. And yeah, boarding schools were probably worse than normal schools but section 28 applied everywhere. 

So it is strange to think of openly-trans kids just living their lives and being a normal part of school life. (Kind of like how my grandad probably found it strange that there weren’t a load of kids with post-polio syndrome at my dad’s school.) It is, in fact, fucking amazing. Because we didn’t have that. It’s wonderful that it’s normal to gen Z, but maybe some people in the notes could stop expecting the rest of us to not marvel at how far the world has come in the span of less than a generation. Progress is good and should be celebrated.

I am 31 and when I was in high school, there was about 10 students that were out about being gay in any way. That’s 10 out of around 800 students in my grade level. 

I grew up having to police my own behaivior, I wasn't even allowed to sit with my legs comfortable becuse "People will think you're gay for sitting like that."

What this up and coming generation has? Non-gender conforming behaivior is slowly becoming the norm, and it's pushing out toxic masculinity. I love it. Color your hair, paint your nails, sit like you want. Be who you are, and love who you love.

I’m 34 and someone was asked to leave my prom for wearing a black dress whose top was a tuxedo jacket.

Our single gay teacher intervened, but that’s beside the point. Just making a cheeky statement on the dress code was “too gay.”

I'm in teacher training in Scotland.

Did you know it was only last year that the government released guidance (not policy, guidance; although the Scottish education system is mostly built around guidance and consensus not policy) about how to support transgender students?

When I was in secondary 10 years ago, we had one person who came out in my year and it was only because he was a friendly, gregarious kid who most people loved that he didn't get bullied to death. I got accused of being a lesbian with such venom in the tone that I resolutely dug my way through the back of the closet and went into the walls. It took like 3 years after I left school to reassess and realise I was attracted to women too.

Section 28 of the Local Government Act 1988 forbade the "promotion of homosexuality" in all UK schools for 12 years in Scotland. 15 in the rest of the UK. A 2008 study showed that most teachers weren't aware it had actually been repealed. I started secondary school on 2008.

If I were to go to a 10 year reunion in 2 years? I suspect a larger chunk of my cohort will be out. But it wasn't exactly an option for us. We never got taught beyond very brief "homophobia is a crime" assemblies that didn't actually address any real queer issues. The term "transgender" was never used ever when I was in school.

It's amazing that these children have the words and the space to be themselves. I'm so proud of how far we've come. And I hope over my career I can help multiple children and young people feel safe being their authentic selves.

Because not that long ago, I couldn't be.

Nobody in my year level at school, as far as I know, was out. Not as gay or bi, and definitely not as trans.

After we all left school, people started slowly coming out. Usually when we were far away from our hometown. I'm 28 now, and pretty much every male friend I had in high school has come out as gay now. Me and one other girl I know of ended up coming out as bi, and I know of at least two trans people. There are probably quite a few more queer people that I don't know about because I haven't kept in contact. But because nobody talked about these things in the 00's, especially not in a small town in Australia's answer to the Bible Belt, we all suffered alone throughout our teen years.

A lot of us didn't even know that we were anything other than cishet. I remember very firmly convincing myself that I couldn't be a lesbian because I was attracted to men, so clearly that was the end of that and we could ignore any out of place feelings I may have had. Bisexuality wasn't really on my radar as an option - I vaguely knew that it existed, but I convinced myself that it was rare, the realm of drunk girls making out for male attention at parties. Sometimes girls would kiss each other as a "joke", and I'd sit there trying to figure out how I could get in on it - not because I wanted to kiss a girl, of course, surely not, but because I wanted to be in on the joke and it wasn't any fun to just watch.

I think the isolation was the hardest part. I was unknowingly friends with quite a few queer people, but none of us ever talked to each other about those feelings. We all, being the slightly more progressive section of the cohort, professed that we were of course perfectly fine with The Gays, not that any of us were gay, but not that it's a bad thing.

I know I very carefully policed my words and actions to make sure nobody could possibly accuse me of lesbianism. The end result is that I ended up sexually repressed as hell in my interactions with all genders (I also didn't want to be perceived as slutty, stalkerish or desperate.)

I don't even really know where I'm going with this - I guess my point is that it's kind of amazing how much has changed in the last ten-odd years, and I'm hoping that means the kids growing up now might end up actually having a healthy relationship with their own gender and sexuality.

I cannot stress how important this is.

My graduation was 5 years ago, and in that school, people were so confused that "so many girls suddenly turn lesbian." That was in 2017. It was wild to them. But the idea of other identities, let alone trans identities, existing, was absolutely beyond them. As someone on the aro/ace spectrum who had done a ton of research, it made me afraid. It also made it easier to distance myself from these people.

Simply, because the word asexual alone, would have made me a target. Especially in a time, when I wasn't certain of my labels yet. I also had a friend who was a lesbian and didn't dare out herself. Ever. Not in that school.

We had two cases of gossip that spread equally in our class. That one girl whose ex released nudes of. (8th grade, wtf). And that one transgender kid a year below who had just changed names.

Yeah well, there was this gay guy who was openly figuring out his sexuality and ended up dating +30 guys at 15. But that one was really wild.

Like, these three stories were treated (almost) the same. As extremes. As bad behavioral examples.

Do you understand where I'm going with this?

Then my neighbor came out at 50+ as trans and my parents said that it was do to her bipolar disorder and that "she's crazy. She tried killing herself even before she transitioned." I was surprised when i learned my mother knew the word bisexual. I accidentally came out (i don't even know how exactly) by explaining these things to them. Reason with them why being trans was the solution, not the problem. Only for my brother to tell me I don't exist.

I had to force them to accept to call me by my chosen name, even though I didn't name gender as a reason for the change.

For gods sake, we were a school against racism. But that's easy to say, when there are two people in the entire school that were foreigners.

And don't get me started on the mysoginy.

It's wild.

And today, 5 years later, after quitting my job of 4 years, I go back to university.

And there are Communities to defend lgbtqia rights. There are nonbinary classmates. People who are out and treated absolutely normally!

People go around asking anyone for pronouns. People so different and beautiful and happy.

Ready to help each other. People who want to connect, who share their opinions. Who are absolutely open and out and respect each other.

And we have gender studies. Our teacher LOVES to talk about it.

It's such a culture shock for me who has already been living in that exact world.

But as a fantasy.

Helpful things for action writers to remember

Hopefully this helps someone out there. If you reblog, feel free to add more tips for writers or correct anything I’ve gotten wrong here. 

How to apply Writing techniques for action scenes:

- Short sentences. Choppy. One action, then another. When there’s a lull in the fight, take a moment, using longer phrases to analyze the situation–then dive back in. Snap, snap, snap. - Same thing with words - short, simple, and strong in the thick of battle. Save the longer syllables for elsewhere. - Characters do not dwell on things when they are in the heat of the moment. They will get punched in the face. Focus on actions, not thoughts. - Go back and cut out as many adverbs as possible. - No seriously, if there’s ever a time to use the strongest verbs in your vocabulary - Bellow, thrash, heave, shriek, snarl, splinter, bolt, hurtle, crumble, shatter, charge, raze - it’s now. - Don’t forget your other senses. People might not even be sure what they saw during a fight, but they always know how they felt. - Taste: Dry mouth, salt from sweat, copper tang from blood, etc - Smell: OP nailed it - Touch: Headache, sore muscles, tense muscles, exhaustion, blood pounding. Bruised knuckles/bowstring fingers. Injuries that ache and pulse, sting and flare white hot with pain. - Pain will stay with a character. Even if it’s minor. - Sound and sight might blur or sharpen depending on the character and their experience/exhaustion. Colors and quick movements will catch the eye. Loud sounds or noises from behind may serve as a fighter’s only alert before an attack. - If something unexpected happens, shifting the character’s whole attention to that thing will shift the Audience’s attention, too. - Aftermath. This is where the details resurface, the characters pick up things they cast aside during the fight, both literally and metaphorically. Fights are chaotic, fast paced, and self-centered. Characters know only their self, their goals, what’s in their way, and the quickest way around those threats. The aftermath is when people can regain their emotions, their relationships, their rationality/introspection, and anything else they couldn’t afford to think or feel while their lives were on the line.

Do everything you can to keep the fight here and now. Maximize the physical, minimize the theoretical. Keep things immediate - no theories or what ifs.

If writing a strategist, who needs to think ahead, try this: keep strategy to before-and-after fights. Lay out plans in calm periods, try to guess what enemies are thinking or what they will do. During combat, however, the character should think about his options, enemies, and terrain in immediate terms; that is, in shapes and direction. (Large enemy rushing me; dive left, circle around / Scaffolding on fire, pool below me / two foes helping each other, separate them.)

Lastly, after writing, read it aloud. Anyplace your tongue catches up on a fast moving scene, edit. Smooth action scenes rarely come on the first try.

More for martial arts or hand-to-hand in general

What a character’s wearing will affect how they fight.  The more restricting the clothes, the harder it will be.  If they’re wearing a skirt that is loose enough to fight in, modesty will be lost in a life or death situation.

Jewelry can also be very bad.  Necklaces can be grabbed onto.  Bracelets also can be grabbed onto or inhibit movement.  Rings it can depend on the person.

Shoes also matter.  Tennis shoes are good and solid, but if you’re unused to them there’s a chance of accidentally hurting your ankle.  High heels can definitely be a problem.  However, they can also make very good weapons, especially for someone used to balancing on the balls of their feet.  Side kicks and thrusting kicks in soft areas (like the solar plexus) or the feet are good ideas.  They can also (hopefully) be taken off quickly and used as a hand weapon.  Combat boots are great but if someone relies more on speed or aren’t used to them, they can weigh a person down.  Cowboy boots can be surprisingly good.  Spin kicks (if a character is quick enough to use them) are especially nasty in these shoes.

If a character is going to fight barefoot, please keep location in mind.  Concrete can mess up your feet quick.  Lawns, yards, etc often have hidden holes and other obstacles that can mess up a fighter.  Tile floors or waxed wood can be very slippery if you’re not careful or used to them.

Likewise, if it’s outside be aware of how weather will affect the fight.  The sun’s glare can really impede a fighter’s sight.  A wet location, inside or outside, can cause a fighter to slip and fall.  Sweat on the body can cause a fighter to lose a grip on an opponent too.

Pressure points for a trained fighter are great places to aim for in a fight.  The solar plexus is another great place to aim for.  It will knock the wind out of anyone and immediately weaken your opponent. 

It your character is hit in the solar plexus and isn’t trained, they’re going down.  The first time you get hit there you are out of breath and most people double over in confusion and pain.  If a fighter is more used to it, they will stand tall and expand themselves in order to get some breath.  They will likely keep fighting, but until their breath returns to normal, they will be considerably weaker.

Do not be afraid to have your character use obstacles in their environment.  Pillars, boxes, bookshelves, doors, etc.  They put distance between you and an opponent which can allow you to catch your breath. 

Do not be afraid to have your character use objects in their environment.  Someone’s coming at you with a spear, trident, etc, then pick up a chair and get it caught in the legs or use it as a shield.  Bedsheets can make a good distraction and tangle someone up.  Someone’s invading your home and you need to defend yourself?  Throw a lamp.  Anything can be turned into a weapon.

Guns often miss their targets at longer distances, even by those who have trained heavily with them.  They can also be easier to disarm as they only shoot in one direction.  However, depending on the type, grabbing onto the top is a very very bad idea.  There is a good likelihood you WILL get hurt.

Knives are nasty weapons by someone who knows what they’re doing.  Good fighters never hold a knife the way you would when cutting food.  It is best used when held against the forearm.  In defense, this makes a block more effective and in offense, slashing movement from any direction are going to be bad.  If a character is in a fight with a knife or trying to disarm one, they will get hurt. 

Soft areas hit with hard body parts.  Hard areas hit with soft body parts.  The neck, stomach, and other soft areas are best hit with punches, side kicks, elbows, and other hard body parts.  Head and other hard parts are best hit using a knife hand, palm strike, etc.  Spin kicks will be nasty regardless of what you’re aiming for it they land.

Common misconception with round house kicks is that you’re hitting with the top of the foot.  You’re hitting with the ball.  You’re likely to break your foot when hitting with the top.

When punching, the thumb is outside of the fist.  You’ll break something if you’re hitting with the thumb inside, which a lot of inexperienced fighters do. 

Also, punching the face or jaw can hurt. 

It can be hard to grab a punch if you’re not experienced with it despite how easy movies make it seem.  It’s best to dodge or redirect it.

Hitting to the head is not always the best idea.  It can take a bit of training to be able to reach for the head with a kick because of the height.  Flexibility is very much needed.  If there are problems with their hips or they just aren’t very flexible, kicks to the head aren’t happening.

Jump kicks are a good way to hit the head, but an opponent will see it coming if it’s too slow or they are fast/experienced.

A good kick can throw an opponent back or knock them to the ground.  If the person you’ve hit has experience though, they’ll immediately be getting up again.

Even if they’ve trained for years in a martial art, if they haven’t actually hit anything before or gotten hit, it will be slightly stunning for the person.  It does not feel the way you expect it too.

Those yells in martial arts are not just for show.  If done right, they tighten your core making it easier to take a hit in that area.  Also, they can be used to intimidate an opponent.  Yelling or screaming right by their ear can startle someone.  (Generally, KHR fans look at Squalo for yelling)

Biting can also be used if someone’s grabbing you.  Spitting in someone’s eyes can’t hurt.  Also, in a chokehold or if someone is trying to grab your neck in general, PUT YOU CHIN DOWN.  This cuts off access and if they’re grabbing in the front can dig into their hand and hurt.

Wrist grabs and other grabs can be good.  Especially if it’s the first move an opponent makes and the character is trained, there are simple ways to counter that will have a person on their knees in seconds..

Use what your character has to their advantage.  If they’re smaller or have less mass, then they’ll be relying on speed, intelligence, evasion, and other similar tactics.  Larger opponents will be able to take hits better, they’re hits may be slower depending on who it is but will hurt like hell if they land, and size can be intimidating.   Taller people with longer legs will want to rely on kicking and keeping their distance since they have the advantage there.  Shorter people will want to keep the distance closer where it’s easier for them but harder for a taller opponent.  Punching is a good idea.

Using a person’s momentum against them is great.  There’s martial arts that revolve around this whole concept.  They throw a punch?  Grab it and pull them forward and around.  Their momentum will keep them going and knock them off balance. 

Leverage can used in the same way.  If used right, you can flip a person, dislocate a shoulder, throw out a knee, etc.

One note on adrenaline:  All that was said above is true about it.  But, in a fight, it can also make you more aware of what’s going on.  A fight that lasts twenty seconds can feel like a minute because time seems to almost slow down while moving extremely rapidly.  You only have so much time to think about what you’re doing.  You’re taking in information constantly and trying to adjust.  Even in the slow down adrenaline gives you, everything is moving very rapidly. 

Feelings will be your downfall even more so than adrenaline.  Adrenaline can make those feelings more intense, but a good fighter has learned not to listen to those feelings.  A good fighter may feel anger at being knocked down or in some way humiliated - their pride taken down.  Yet they will not act on the anger.  Acting on it makes a fighter more instinctive and many will charge without thinking.  Losing control of anything (adrenaline rush, emotions, technique, etc) can be a terrible thing in a fight.

Just thought I’d add in here.

YES. YES.

If an archer has to use a bow they’re not used to, it will probably throw them off a little until they’ve done a few practice shots with it and figured out its draw weight and stability. 

This also applies to firearms, particularly long guns with adjustable iron sights. You’re not going to be accurate at a distance with a weapon that’s zeroed for someone else. You’ll have to apply some Kentucky windage to it.

Okay,  I don’t know where OP got their information on swords but it’s flat-out wrong when they say “If your sword is sharpened down to a fine edge, the rest of the blade can’t go through the cut you make. You’ll just end up putting a tiny, shallow scratch in the surface of whatever you strike, and you could probably break your sword.”

Having used European longswords as a hobbyist martial artist for a number of years, I have a basic familiarity with the blades. There are a lot of factors that determine the effectiveness of a blade that include the level of metallurgy in a given place at a given time in history, so what worked for an early 15th century BC Minoan bronze sword wouldn’t be the same as, say, a 16th century CE Italian rapier or an Edo period katana. Since a lot of the swords in fiction (especially fantasy) are longswords, let’s look at those briefly.

So the OP is looking at the edge of the blade. This is determined by the grind, which is basically how it’s sharpened. The way in which an edge is created on a piece of steel, the direction the stone or other sharpening implement is moved, etc, all determines the blade’s grind. Here’s a basic look at some of the more common grinds (source):

As you can seem, even the thicker grinds like diamond and lenticular still are pretty slim; generally speaking a longsword is going to be less than an inch thick even at its thickest point. Obviously if you do something really bad and grind your edge so flat that there’s a marked bump as you move in toward the center of the blade, of course you’re going to have problems. But a well-ground blade is going to have a smooth transition all the way through. Now if we’re talking something like a rapier, the blade is much narrower and so the slope from the center to the edge is going to be more pronounced than on a longsword, but a rapier is generally meant more for thrusting than cutting. So yes, you’re going to generally get mostly shallow cuts from this sort of sword.

However, that doesn’t mean you don’t sharpen your sword, and it doesn’t mean that a sharp longsword with a lenticular or diamond grind isn’t going to go right through someone. Here’s a cutting test with a sharp greatsword, which is about as big and thick as a medieval European blade is going to get (which, by the way, is probably still lighter and thinner than the stereotypes. of big, heavy broadswords.) They’re using animal carcasses (which they donate to the local food bank afterward) and yes, there’s still bone in there so it approximates cutting through a person in a swordfight:

As you can clearly see, that blade is having no trouble making serious cuts. 

Different topic, further down in the conversation, some styles of martial arts do have you strike with the top of the foot or the shin with a roundhouse rather than the ball of the foot. I train in combat hapkido and we use the top of the foot or the shin, and aim primarily for soft targets. 

So take the above advice with a grain of salt depending on martial art style. Use this post as a starting point, not holy writ in and of itself. Every good writer must also be a good researcher. 

Brb replacing "I should" with "I have the option/opportunity to" in my internal monologue re: beating myself up over shit that needs doing. Let's see if that works.

It actually really did help and I did the laundry and cat boxes. Guess I'll keep trying that one.

My psychiatrist told me this early on working with him. Every time I said "I should" he would be horrified and urge me to replace it with "I could." It took a lot of practice but my life is so much better for it because it replaces the pressure of external obligations with my own agency.

Yes! Yes!!!

My old therapist always told me to “stop ‘shoulding’ on yourself” whenever I did this and I think about it every day.

My random unsubstantiated hypothesis of the day: the popularity of "stim" videos, fidget toys, and other things like that is a warning sign that something's Deeply Wrong with our world.

Don't freak out. I am autistic. These things are not bad. However, can we just...take a second to notice how weird it is that there are entire social media accounts full of 10-second videos of things making crunching noises, people squishing slime in their hands, and objects clacking together, and that enjoying them is mainstream and normal?

It seems that nowadays, almost everyone exhibits sensory-seeking behavior, when just a decade ago, the idea of anyone having "sensory needs" was mostly obscure. It is a mainstream Thing to "crave" certain textures or repetitive sounds.

What's even weirder, is that it's not just that "stim" content is mainstream; the way everything on the internet is filmed seems to look more like "stim" content. TikToks frequently have a sensory-detail-oriented style that is highly unusual in older online content, honing in on the tactile, visual and auditory characteristics of whatever it's showing, whether that's an eye shadow palette or a cabin in a forest.

When an "influencer" markets their makeup brand, they film videos that almost...highlight that it's a physical substance that can be smudged and smeared around. Online models don't just wear clothes they're advertising, they run their hands over them and make the fabric swish and ripple.

I think this can be seen as a symptom of something wrong with the physical world we live in. I think that almost everyone is chronically understimulated.

Spending time alone in the forest has convinced me of this. The sensory world of a forest is not only much richer than any indoor environment, it is abundant with the sorts of sensations that people seem to "crave" chronically, and the more I've noticed and specifically focused on this, the more I've noticed that the "modern" human's surroundings are incredibly flat in what they offer to the senses.

First of all, forests are constantly permeated with a very soft wash of background noise that is now often absent in the indoor world. The sound of wind through trees has a physiological effect you can FEEL. It's always been a Thing that people are relaxed by white noise, which leads to us being put at ease by the ambient hum of air conditioning units, refrigerators and fans. But now, technology has become much more silent, and it's not at all out of place to hypothesize that environments without "ambient" white noise are detrimental to us.

Furthermore, a forest's ambience is full of rhythmic and melodic elements, whereas "indoor" sounds are often harsh, flat and irregular.

Secondly: the crunch. This is actually one of the most notably missing aspects of the indoor sensory world. Humans, when given access to crunchable things, will crunch them. And in a forest, crunchy things are everywhere. Bark, twigs and dry leaves have crisp and brittle qualities that only a few man-made objects have, and they are different with every type of plant and tree.

Most humans aren't in a lot of contact with things that are "destroyable" either, things you can toy with and tear to little bits in your hands. I think virtually everyone has restlessly torn up a scrap of paper or split a blade of grass with their thumbnail; it's a cliche. And since fidget toys in classrooms are becoming a subject of debate, I think it pays to remember that the vast majority of your ancestors learned everything they knew with a thousand "fidget toys" within arm's reach.

And there is of course mud, and clay, and dirt, and wet sand. I'm 100% serious, squishing mud and clay is vital to the human brain. Why do you think Play-Doh is such a staple elementary school toy. Why do you think mud is the universal cliche thing kids play in for fun. It's such a common "stim" category for a reason.

I could go on and on. It's insane how unstimulating most environments humans spend time in are. And this definitely contributes to ecological illiteracy, because people aren't prepared to comprehend how detailed the natural world is. There are dozens of species of fireflies in the United States, and thousands of species of moths. If you don't put herbicides on your lawn, there are likely at least 20 species of plant in a single square meter of it. I've counted at least 15 species of grass alone in my yard.

Would it be overreach to suggest that some vital perceptive abilities are just not fully developing in today's human? Like. I had to TEACH myself to be able, literally able, to perceive details of living things that were below a certain size, even though my eyes could detect those details, because I just wasn't accustomed to paying attention to things that small. I think something...happens when almost all the objects you interact with daily are human-made.

The people that think ADHD is caused by kids' brains being exposed to "too much stuff" by Electronic Devices...do not go outside, because spending a few minutes in a natural environment has more stimuli in it than a few hours of That Damn Phone.

A patch of tree bark the size of my phone's screen has more going on than my phone can display. When you start photographing lots of living organisms, you run into the strange and brain-shifting reality that your electronic device literally cannot create and store images big enough to show everything you, in real life, may notice about that organism.

This is fascinating! I used to be a big consumer of ASMR videos but I've noticed my desire for them decrease immensely since January.

Prior to 2022 I was living in a basement apartment, in a suburb, in a large town. In September I moved to the coast, in January I moved into my current apartment with 4 large windows and less than a mile from the ocean.

In front of my house is a grass patch I've let go and fill up with wild flowers, behind the property I live on it is wooded and generally speaking the weather here is far more tempestuous than it was in my old home.

Wind is a daily reality and creates so much sensation and noise. Not to mention I go to the beach weekly. Rarely for long and in winter it's too cold to leave my car but the roar of the ocean, the smell of it, the sight, these are all stimulating in a way that no slime or fidget spinner could ever even approach.

I think op is on to something here and I'd love to see it studied

refseek.com

www.worldcat.org/

link.springer.com

http://bioline.org.br/

repec.org

science.gov

pdfdrive.com

Worldcat is my bestie and my one true love!! Not only does it tell you what library a book is at, but it also price compares different used book sites against each other for easy view! It's how I got Tarot For the Master for $10!!