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The Reluctant Inquisitor

@thereluctantinquisitor / thereluctantinquisitor.tumblr.com

My Characters Stonebreaker Blog (original fiction)
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OC Kissing Week appears to have begun! 

So, my first drabble goes to @vintdatingsimulator‘s lovely Kieren Lavellan, who will be sharing a smooch with Varlen! (full story is under the cut) <3

“All right, so… if you make it to the top of that tree, you will win… the mystery prize.” Varlen paused, making sure to let the silence drag on at the end to accumulate the appropriate amount of dramatic effect. With a smug grin, he hooked his thumbs into his belt as he eyed the other elf. The wager had been declared. Kieren’s fiery gaze shifted from Varlen, to the tree, and back to Varlen again, burning for the challenge, but also perplexed by it.

“Okay, so… you seriously want me to climb the tree for a prize without… telling me what the prize is?” Kieren crossed his arms, a playful look crossing his face. “I hope it’s good then. You know, I got this scar from falling from a tree!”

“Ooooh, an origin story,” Varlen chuckled warmly, slapping Kieren on the shoulder, “well then, you must be an expert tree climber, if you have a scar to prove it!”

“… Varlen that’s not really how—”

“— Enough!” Clapping his hands imperiously, Varlen gestured to the tree with a flourish. “Do you accept the challenge, or are you afraid?” He made sure to emphasise the last word, casting Kieren a side-long glance. Kieren was, after all, the type of person everyone in the Inquisition seemed to like. He was kind, a good listener… but Varlen wanted to see how he’d go with being surprised by something… well okay, rather silly. He wondered if Kieren would actually indulge him.

“Me? Afraid of climbing? Hardly.” Kieren had the smallest of smiles on his face – conspiratorial, almost – as strode up to the base of the tree. Varlen suddenly experienced a pang of doubt, his eyes narrowing as he watched the elf saunter away. He hadn’t really expected Kieren to take him up on the stupid test he’d devised… what, a whole minute ago? He didn’t actually have a prize for it! Varlen put on a fake smile, shielding his eyes from the sun as he watched Kieren start to make his way up the tree with ah… alarming deftness.

Great. Awesome.

Varlen shook his head slightly, but kept his eyes fixed on the other pale haired elf. It’s not over yet, he reasoned, trying not to worry too much. Kieren might not make it all the way to the top…

“… Is this good enough?” the melodious voice drifted down, tinged with victory, and Varlen felt the corners of his mouth tug downwards as Kieren waved from the highest branch, smiling with almost goofy elation.

Fenedhis.

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Aneth ara Varlen! My apologies about the nug sweater I sent you, I was informed you liked them and now realize I was lied to. I'm very sorry about the mix up, I have now been told that you love cheese and Dorian! (crossed out) How is he by the way? Are you treating him okay? Is he eating right? Make sure he eats! Please accept this new sweater as a sign of friendship! Dareth Shiral, Kieren. (Inside package is a knitted sweater with cheese and dorian's mustache).

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Aneth ara, Kieren!

Ah, it feels good to be able to use elven so freely. A rather rare thing of late, I have found, seeing as Riven is often busy, and I have no desire to speak to Solas. And... ah yes, the sweater! With nugs on it. Ma serannas - I appreciated the gesture! Although your new information is, well, rather alarmingly accurate; fine cheese and finer Dorian are two of my favourite things, after all!

Things at Skyhold have been strangely... quiet, which I can’t help but feel is a bad thing, given that the world is actively trying to rip itself apart. I’m glad that Dorian is here; his insight has been as useful as even Solas’ own, and his company far better than the grumpy elf’s. Dorian seems... happy. Lighter than when I first met him, if that makes any sense. NOT that he’s not eating, or something - I don’t mean it like he’s withering away! He just seems less burdened (I think would be a better way to put it)! It doesn’t sound like much for a lot of people, but for him... I think it means so much more. I just wish that he could have found happiness under less trying circumstances as well, although perhaps that is selfish of me. I know Dorian would give me a glare that could wither next years crops if he heard me say that. It’s just... despite morale being relatively high, the strain of dealing with constant conflict is wearing everyone thin.

Kieren I LOVE THE NEW SWEATER! I put it on straight away and Dorian happened to walk in shortly after. You know what the first thing he said to me was? “Maker’s breath! If you don’t take that off right this instant, amatus, I will burn it off your back with a fireball!” I... don’t think he fully appreciates its obvious aesthetic appeal. Or the obvious homage to his mustache. He’s an odd one like that.Such a spoil-sport! I’m going to keep it and wear it whenever he feels down, so that he can direct his disdain at something other than himself! I just... really hope he doesn’t do the fireball thing. I can’t imagine that would be pleasant at all!

It was good to receive a letter (and lovely sweater) from you, Lethallin! I hope all is well with you, and that you are taking care of yourself.

Dareth shiral,

--- Varlen

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marry, fuck, cuddle: Nugs, Golden Nug, The Nug King

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Varlen: oh OH. So NOW you take away the kill option, huh!?

Okay, I... Creators are you really going to make me fuck a nug? Isn’t there something... kind of really wrong with that? On a moral level? Wait... The Golden Nug is a statue right? Can... can you fuck a statue? Well in this case, I’m gonna say yes. I would fuck the Golden Nug statue.

Then I suppose I would... *shudder*... marry The Nug King (it’d be faster to wait for one nug to die than a whole heap of them, right?). At least we both share a fondness for cheese. And then I guess I’d... cuddle nugs. 

UGH. I feel SO DIRTY. WHY?!

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Kieren will cuddle Varlen and whisper sweet things and feed him tea and tries to make everything better again. Poor baby :(

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Varlen: Haha, well, that’s very sweet of him! But I’ll be okay - always am, after all! One foot at a time is what my Keeper used to say! Or was it my sister? Or... did I dream it? I don’t know. Something like that.

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