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#personal – @theoreticallytrue on Tumblr
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Just Trying to Graduate

@theoreticallytrue / theoreticallytrue.tumblr.com

Anna // 23 // no terfs
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I’m going to say something that may seem a little “gross” if you’ve never experienced depression, executive dysfunction, or disability. But this post isn’t for you.

This is for everybody who has watched their plates grow mold in the sink. Had no energy to even look at what’s in the back of the fridge. Had clothes get mildewey from sitting so long. Closed whole rooms because it’s the sight of how messy it is makes you feel worse. Can’t remember their last shower. Just can’t summon the motivation to begin, because how can it ever end?

I see you. I see your struggle. You’re still a valid and valuable human being, and your difficulty caring for yourself is not a moral failing. You are not an evil person because of a struggle partially outside your control. I hope that you get help in the forms you need it, and can feel at peace in your space again.

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That’s my own impression but I do not read the incense burner chapter 117 as Lan Wangji’s teenage fantasy but as a dream that Lan Wangji had after he and Wei Wuxian became a couple. The encounter in the dream was described in chapter 111 while Wei Wuxian was babbling in the midst of their first time together, I’ve translated the longer version of that very NSFW scene here:

“If you liked me before, why didn’t you do me a long time ago? The back mountain of your home in the Cloud Recesses is a nice location. If you took advantage of the times I sneaked away alone to hunt wild game to tie me up and drag me away, you could have pinned me to the grass just like now and do whatever you desired to me.” […]
[Wei Wuxian] kept rambling a steady torrent of obscenities in Lan Wangji’s ear, “Your strength is so great that I would have had no way to resist. If I shouted, you could have silenced me and no one would have heard my muffled cries. Your Sect’s Library Pavilion isn’t bad either, we could have spread some books on the floor and rolled around on them. We could have laid out some erotic pictures and compared positions, any position would have been fine. I would bully you during the day and you would bully me at night.”

What happens in the dream is indeed a fantasy but it was originally Wei Wuxian’s… MXTX did suggest in an interview that Lan Wangji is more the kind to follow Wei Wuxian’s lead in bed and go with his (sometimes outlandish) propositions ^^’

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