Yoda Parentage Truther

the “bad guys” in hallmark movies end up always being the most respectful men ever.

because they will find out their girlfriend of 3 years (that they were about to propose to) went off to a random farm in minnesota, hours away from were the two of them built a life together, and she decided to just… stay there without even consulting him.

and then he decides to take a trip to make sure she’s okay, because this is generally alarming behavior, and then sees that she literally fell in love with her ex within one (1) week- and he wasn’t there, but you can TELL that they’ve made out a couple times.

and then she just strings him along for a few days, until fucking christmas eve, when she just breaks up with him and is like “i know we used to have the same values, but i’ve never loved you. mark makes me happier than you ever did. and you ONLY care about work, whereas i like christmas and fun, like a Good Person.”

and then, after finding out his entire relationship was a lie and he had his life turned upside down in a week and he got dumped on christmas, this guy’s just like “ok yeah that makes sense. i only wish you the best of happiness with mark. i hope you guys build a great life together in christmastreefarmville. thank you for everything.”

An AU where two Hallmark Christmas Bad Guys are both getting flights back to New York after being dumped by their respective Smalltown Blonde Girlfriends, and they bond over their shared experiences and fall in love in the departures lounge

(non fanfic version of my recent abomination)

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The flight was delayed. Because of course it was. Why wouldn't there be delays in a small ass town in the middle of bum fuck nowhere?

Brad slumps in his seat. It's uncomfortable as shit and he needed to pee but God forbid he give it up. The lady across him has been eyeing him for the past hour and he'd die before letting her have it. He doesn't care how much she wants it, he deserves to sit in a stupid, horrible chair after the past few days.

Who dumps someone on Christmas eve? Who does that?? Brad had only wanted to surprise her. He'd taken off work to fly out to her old hometown. Yet when he gets there she's apparently been hanging out with her ex and now she doesn't even want to get married?! His head is still spinning from it all.

"We're Jewish!"

When I walk into the mall and see Christmas decorations up the day after Halloween, I feel the same way Hamlet did when his mom married his annoying uncle so shortly after his father’s death.

Thrift, thrift, Horatio! the Halloween Mars Bars/Did coldly furnish forth the Christmas stockings

okay okay okay so I read @peppermintack's post about Ed sending Izzy to tell Stede to go suck eggs in hell, and it unlocked a memory in my brain of the Arthur episode where his parents get into a fight and DW imagines that they're never going to talk to each other again and use her as a proxy for conversation

so.... here's divorce era Blackbonnet feat. poor Izzy caught in the middle of it.

Announcing JUST LEAVE (A COMMENT FEST), where you have 5 days to leave as MANY comments as possible!! We have themes to give you a starting place, but you're free to comment on whatever you want, as MUCH as you want! Check below for explanations of each themed day and an FAQ

Dec 26th: Do you remember all those fics you were going to leave a comment on when you got the time? Your AO3 history does. Pick at least TEN fics from your history that you never commented on and #JUSTLEAVEACOMMENT

Dec 27th: Statistically less likely to get kudos, comments, and hits, lets give our favorite G and T rated fics some love! Pick at least 5 fics rated G or T you've enjoyed and #JUSTLEAVEacomment!

Dec 28th: Its true: there are FUCKING INCREDIBLE fics out there that because of timing or whatever just NEVER get the attention they deserve. Today, we correct this error! Pick 5 fics with less than 15 comments, read through it if you haven't already and #JUSTLEAVEACOMMENT !

Dec 29th: Writing a multichapter fic is HARD, and who among us does not feel guilty about that unfinished WIP sitting on our works page? Today we give WIPS and multichapter fics some love! Pick your favorite WIPS or multichapters and #JUSTLEAVEacomment on EVERY CHAPTER

Dec 30th: ITS TOTALS DAY EVERYONE! Spend today scrambling to post as many comments as you can anf then post your weekly totals with the hashtag #justleaveacomment! There will ALSO be a super special bonus task for authors to be announced the day of!

FAQ:

Sometimes Reddit is hilarious:

I don't think this got shared on tumblr??? Anyways, this is another old commission I got by the very talented @gen-syz-art of perhaps the rarest pair I have ever engaged with. The instructions were to create what looked like a "Hallmark Christmas Movie Poster" featuring these two and it cracks me up every time I see it lol.

Traditional European Christmas time monsters, photographer across the Europe by Charles Fréger.

It always stressed me out as a kid that the “12 days of christmas” implies all the previous gifts repeating every single day and it’s significantly more alarming knowing that all of them, rather than just a lot of them, were birds. The golden rings, the maids-a-milking, everything not obviously a bird was an antiquated name for a bird at the time. It’s too many birds. IT’S TOO MANY BIIIRDS

okay okay okay so I read @peppermintack's post about Ed sending Izzy to tell Stede to go suck eggs in hell, and it unlocked a memory in my brain of the Arthur episode where his parents get into a fight and DW imagines that they're never going to talk to each other again and use her as a proxy for conversation

so.... here's divorce era Blackbonnet feat. poor Izzy caught in the middle of it.

I might just be incredibly tired, but hot take: Michael Bublé's cover of Santa Baby "Santa Buddy" is the closest he has come to making an artistic statement. Like. He doesn't write his own solos: someone else writes them and he learns them off and as such he's widely disparaged by jazz musicians. But at least in Santa Buddy... he's saying something original. What he's saying is "I am absolutely Not fucking Santa" but it's something. It's a take on the work that is his own. And it makes me absolutely furious, which is An Emotional Response To Art. Which is more than I can say about any of the soulless saccharine pablum that usually drips from his grinning maw. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

Reblogging in honour of hearing Santa Buddy played in McDonald's the other day and once again becoming obsessed with the artistic choices of Mr. Michael Booby.

since no one's posted it yet-

one of the things i love about ebenezer scrooge, and a christmas carol in general, is that, unlike most fictional rich people, scrooge doesn't allow himself the luxuries that he denies to others.

like. he is enormously wealthy, but does he spend his money on good food and nice things and indulgences? no. he keeps his house dark because it's cheaper to not light things, he eats gruel, he barely even makes a big enough fire to heat himself, let alone the room. he scrimps and pinches pennies everywhere he can - including in areas that other people would consider "necessities" rather than "luxuries."

the story of a christmas carol is as much about ebenezer scrooge coming to realize that his misanthropy and miserliness is making himself as miserable as it's making everyone around him, and learning to once again take joy in living in a way he hasn't allowed himself since he was a boy.

it's genuinely cruel to ebenezer scrooge to compare him to assholes like elon musk and jeff bezos.

for all that he is a terrible, terrible person, at least scrooge isn't a damn hypocrite.

#i hope you know i was picturing the muppet version while reading this via @biroace02

i mean i was picturing the muppet version while writing this, so yes, correct.