Whoa destiel is finally cannon. Weirdest thing to come from this town on a while.

No Adult Content

From here forth, City Council has demanded all those with adult qualities to be flagged. If you or a loved one has suddenly began producing large flags from bodily orifices, officials suggest you begin acting in a childish manner immediately.

Reminder

Existence never ends. Only life. And the sun. And time. And your favorite tv show. But not spiders. They remain.

Is there?

A way to go back? To ask forgiveness? To ask, “how do we go forward?” To hear, “we’re already too far behind.”

Reminder

No zipper, button, drawstring, nor lock can entirely conceal a compartment full of the soft murmurs of voices that sound vaguely like strangers and yet alarmingly like loved ones...

It’s Starting

Side of effects of the beginning may include Geography lessons. If there are persistent antiques in the room please contact your doctor before starting the removal process as this may prove to be the beginning of a 400 day cycle of a new cycle. It’s starting 

Happy Fathers Day

Today we honor fathers for being the elusive and enigmatic, one-eyed creatures they suddenly became. Of course they aren't always this one-eyed creature with confused tendrils emanating from their fatherly regions (i.e. lower backs, elbow creases, and doubt). They are regular humans who one day get swooped into a dark haze and are eventually ejected into fatherhood; nothing but their ties, briefcases, and love for cooked meats at their grasp. We celebrate their bravery and everlasting confusion as to how they ended up here.

Attention

It’s that time of year again readers! Yep, it’s bio-hazard season! Bio-hazards can easily be prevented by not stepping in blood puddles, or simply not committing murder and leaving the corpses to rot. If you find bio-hazards or toxic wastes in your home, dripping from the ceiling fan or air vents or at your place of work, slowly crawling up the elevator shaft, please contact the Bio-Hazard Control Center for an immediate memory wipe.

Health Advice

Meditation helps you to remain grounded. By simply focusing on your breathing and your body, you immediately feel grounded. Stuck to the ground. Your mind blank. Your feet covered in sand. Your arms weighed down by twisting vines. Your mind cleared as birds peck at your skull and centipedes enter your ears, attempting to reach your brain. And when you open your eyes, you are relaxed, at peace, and in a jungle not too far away from town. Try it today. It only takes a few minutes (if you believe in the idea of "time")

Happy Easter

May all your eggs be decorated in encrypted ciphers leading to dewy cavernous laboratories embedded in stones. And may those same eggs be filled with muted screams and the key to the laboratory. May you lock yourself inside the laboratory for five days and feast on jack rabbit, as per tradition and government mandate.

Architectural News

If these walls could talk it would be so much better. Their moans, groans, sporadic blood curling screams, and wails of despair are getting very old.

Advice

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. So leave your heart someplace else this Valentine's Day. Leave it behind a bookshelf. On a movie set. Under a forbidden pile of text books. Inside a television. Leave it there for a while until you forget about it. And pick it back up when you're elderly and scared.