prev. goodqueenalys // semi hiatus

"The Pudding Cup Season” was what the Jonsa shippers/fandom called season 6... it’s basically like when you aren’t expecting dessert at all but end up getting a pudding cup in your lunch box. it’s not the best in terms of dessert and it’s not the dessert you would choose by any means if you were given options. But dessert is dessert, it’s always great even if it does taste a little bit like plastic or aluminum foil, so you'll enjoy what you can get.

do you like D? i feel like there’s no one in jnsa fam who likes her anymore and we used to back in the pudding cup days and i miss it when everything wasn’t d hate            

• Never assume you are the smartest person in the room.
• You are never too old to use Johnson & Johnson baby products, go to Chuck-E-Cheese, enjoy a nice ice cream cake, or eat Lunchables.
• You are not bound or beholden to anyone else’s perception of you… Fuck them, they don’t know your life.
• Dear dudes: if when you say “boys don’t like when girls…” Our response is ALWAYS going to be “girls don’t gaf.”
• Don’t waste any of your time fucking with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.
• You see a relationship needs to be mutually beneficial. If you’re both not getting something you want it’s a bad relationship.
• The high road is like, the worst road ever and annoying af while you’re one it… but at the end of the day, taking it will probably make you feel better about yourself.
• Pickle juice is an EXCELLENT chaser.
• Let your instincts and the hair on the back of your neck dictate what you do, NOT politeness.
• If someone is constantly accusing you of cheating on them it’s because they are cheating on you constantly.
• JELL-O No-Bake Boxed Cheesecake is actually pretty damn good.
• Never let anyone make you feel like you owe them anything more than yourself.
• Blavy is terrible and does not look good on ANYONE. I don’t care that Tom Ford and Marc Jacobs said it’s ok now… It’s not.
• Don’t care about what people say behind your back. Theres a reason why they’re behind you.
• Find good friends that you trust that you can be an asshole with in private so you don’t act like an even bigger asshole in public.
• Don’t ever let anyone make you feel shitty or belittle you for caring about things; and the same goes for getting excited about things.
• Related to the above, don’t ever belittle or go out of your way to make people feel shitty about the things they can and get excited about. It’s truly one of the meanest things you can do.
• Whenever you get to a new campus, whether it be uni or grad school or study abroad, ALWAYS walk to where all your classes will be BEFORE the term starts. Seriously, the walking estimated time on the maps thingies are full of shit.
• Don’t ever say “i’m sorry you feel that way” to people. Honestly, you sound like a douche. And you’re not sorry.
• If you ever get to a point in a relationship where you are seriously considering cheating on your significant other, just break up with them. It’s time.
• Learn at least one self defense move… It doesn’t matter if it’s a kick or a punch or whatever. just make sure you know one and make sure you know it really well.
• There is a difference between “being a risk taker” and “being a dumbass.” You’ll know it when you see it.
• The same goes for things like “being realistic” vs. “being a fucking bummer”… Just kep an eye out ya know?
• If you have had a disagreement with someone but you guys talk it out and decide you are going to move on from it, move on from it. If you are still angry, you need to let the other person know that.
• Never, NEVER, let your first date with someone be to a wedding.
• Same goes for funerals, bar/bat mitzvah’s, quinces, or any other large family gathering. at least go out for coffee first or something.
• It doesn’t matter how far away from his mamma he moves, a mamma’s boy will always be a mamma’s boy.
• “Brutal honesty” is called that because it usually involves brutalizing someone. so ask yourself, is your brutality really needed or appreciated?
• Standing up for yourself shouldn’t involve walking all over someone else or making them feel shitty. Those 2 things should not be mutually exclusive.
• Never let a teacher or authority figure make you feel stupid for not being good enough at certain school subjects.
• Trust your instincts about the following: boys, friends, people trying to sell you shit, people trying to get you to sign shit.
• If for any reason you are in a situation where police are involved, do NOT speak to them without a lawyer, parent, or some kind of other advocate present
• It’s ok to wait to get your license until you feel ready to drive
• Don’t worry about your weight. It fluctuates as you grow because your insides are growing too. It is natural.
• if you notice something about someone’s appearance and they can’t fix it right away, don’t tell them. For example, if you are at a bar with friends, Good: “hey you have lipstick on your teeth.” Bad: “hey that shirt is really unflattering.”
• Don’t every tell anyone someone “loves them in their own way.” it’s shitty. don’t say it… there is no wrong way to love someone, but there are things that are not love.
• You don’t have to be anyone’s sidekick friend… You are no one’s sidekick.
• “Be stubborn about your goals but flexible about your methods.”
• Get rid of stuff you don’t use. Unused and unappreciated things make us feel bad.
• Listen to Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” slowed down to 33 rpm, at least once in your life.
• If a dude ever tells you in all seriousness that he loves fight club and/or Tyler Durden, run. Run fast, and run far.
• If you ever find yourself wondering if you sound or are being condescending, you are.
• Know how to cook at least one thing well enough that you can do it from memory. even if its just pasta or chicken or something… there will come a time in your life where you are going to have to unexpectedly feed yourself. don’t be caught unprepared.
• Try to avoid doing the following: making promises when you are really excited. responding when you are angry. making decisions when you are sad.
• You have to be willing to cut off people who make you unhappy. it’s going to really suck and you are going to feel really guilty. and chances are they are going to get pissed and it will be very unpleasant. but you have to cut off toxic relationships. The only thing toxic that you should still be in contact with is that song Britney Spears made, because that song is lit af.
• And going along with that, life is too short to pretend like you don’t love britney spears or taylor swift or whatever pop music makes you happy. seriously, if people are going to give you shit about that, they can kiss your ass.
• When you make a to do list add a few things that you have already done or that you can get done in the next hour or so, because it feels really good to cross things off.
• Going back to an old relationship is like rewatching a movie and expecting a different ending to happen… spoiler alert: ain’t nothing gonna change
• Never mistake kindness for weakness or silence for stupidity.
• “One of the biggest lies we’re told is that ‘everything happens for a reason.’ Allow yourself to remember that accidents happen, and not all of them have to shape your life. Try to let go of toxic people and situations that are harming you. Not all lessons are worth learning the hard way. Take care of yourself.”
• If someone is complaining to you about something and you are going to give them advice, ask first. say “do you want advice or do you just need to vent?” because unwanted advice when someone is already annoyed is never going to help the situation.
• Telling someone to “calm down” has never worked. ever. in all of history… I’ve checked. Repeatedly.
• “You all have a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in you, that’s why you’re here, in college. I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one person, and it’s okay if that person is you.”
• When you can’t be honest with people, you can’t ever relax with them.
• Don’t listen to the people who tell you ‘if you give up, you never wanted it in the first place.’ Sometimes, it’s okay to give up on things.
• All relationships have to have mutual effort… If they wanna talk to you, they will. If they wanna be with you, they will. If they wanna make things work, they will. Don’t let things be one sided. It’s not healthy, and it’s not fair to you.
• You deserve friends who treat you with love and respect. You deserve friends that listen to you. You deserve friends that try to understand your feelings and respect them. You deserve positive and healthy friendships. Don’t settle for less.
• Don’t take yourself too seriously… Sometimes ridiculous, dumb shit is gonna happen to you and you should recognize it for what it is: a really good story you can tell at parties.
• It’s really, really important to realize that missing someone or something and wanting it back are two very, very different things.
• Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s a bad thing to feel things deeply. A full heart is a strong heart and being soft doesn’t make you weak. Being soft and loving makes you radiant. you deserve all of the love in the world and so many good things.
• Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and your best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you’ll talk about them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.
• There are some people who will nitpick and dwell over your tiniest faults just to make them feel superior. Leave them be to find satisfaction. Only the insecure think that another’s flaws and shortcomings can become their own merits.
• You’re not fake simply because you act differently depending on the person you’re with. Different personalities bring out different aspects of your personality. You’re complex and multidimensional and you contain fucking multitudes man; it’s beautiful.
• Whenever you go somewhere new, try to go to at least one restaurant recommended by a local. Seriously, 9 times out of 10 it will be the best meal you have on the whole trip.
• Please, for the love of god, just walk your drunk friends to the door. Sooo much can happened between your car and the door.
• Learn the difference between something that makes you feel bad, and something that’s wrong. A thing can feel bad and be right, and it can feel good and be wrong… In the end, being able to look at yourself in the mirror will end up being the most important thing.
• If you need to stop for any reason in a public place, move off to the side first.
• Unless it’s been agreed about before hand, don’t keep score about paying for things. If you offer to pay for something, don’t do it with the expectation that you must be reciprocated later.
• Honestly, don’t keep score with anything tbh. Half the time people don’t know they are playing in the first place.
• If you wear a kick ass outfit but don’t see anyone the day you wear it, it’s ok to wear it again the next day.
• Be aware of the toxic and intoxicating effect of bad moods.
• Unless you are the DD or don’t drink, avoid being the least sober person in the room. just, trust me.
• Never settle for less than you deserve, if you’re unhappy move on you will find happiness eventually and when you do it will be such a wonderful feeling.
• Some people are just naturally good at things, it happens. Don’t measure yourself against those people. That is just asking for a migraine and an inferiority complex.
• Try not to use the excuse “because that’s how other people do it”… Sometimes you need to do better than the people that came before you.
• It is perfectly reasonable to judge someone based on their politics. Peoples’ politics reflect their opinions on damn near everything.
• If you are going to have a casual sexual relationship with someone (aka have a fuck buddy) be real clear about those Terms and Conditions a head of time.
• If you can only be clever or funny at the expense of others or their feelings, you aren’t actually clever or funny. You’re just a bully.
• People who say “learn to take a joke” or “learn to laugh at yourself” can never take a joke or laugh at themselves. I know this to be true to a fault. 
• Don’t use words when you don’t know what they mean… I know this sounds stupid, but seriously. You would be shocked. Just don’t do it.
• Sex should never be painful (unless there is explicit consent) or make you uncomfortable… There is a HUGE difference between trying something that is outside your sexual comfort zone and doing sexual things that make you feel bad or uncomfortable. And anyone pushing you do to the latter is not someone you need to be in a relationship with, sexually or otherwise.
• For the love of god and all that is holy and unholy… BE AWARE OF YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.
• Never give anyone else control over your mental health or mental state.
• Try to stay away from people who hit/throw things when they are angry or get really angry when they are drunk.
• Don’t approach relationships with people with the goal of like, changing or saving or educating them. That’s not your job.
• If someone goes after your looks or your intelligence, it means they have nothing else to say.
• If you are going to make people feel shitty for being a virgin OR for having sex, you are an asshole. Bottom line. No exceptions.
• If you are gonna fuck around with Ouija boards and shit like that, be ready for what you are getting yourself into.
• Pick one day a week where you clean or tidy your personal space. You will feel so much better about life.
• Sometimes you are going to have to do things you don’t want to do or go places you don’t want to go because someone you love wants to. If your bff wants to go to a concert for a band you don’t like/have never heard of for their birthday or see a movie you don’t really want to see, just do it. Small things like that can make people so happy. You are doing it because you care, you aren’t forfeiting anything.
• Don’t let people take advantage of your or walk all over you or take things out on you… a) they may not even realize they ARE doing it and will KEEP doing, or b) they will know they CAN and they will KEEP doing it.
• Not every Hill has to be The Hill You Will Die On… Like, you can just camp out there for a little while. it’s fine.
• Try to buy a few extra birthday/special occasion cards and like $5-$10 gifts cards to Starbucks or Target or something like that to have one hand. Because i am telling you rn, there will come a time where you will completely forget someone important’s birthday.
• There are going to be people who hate you based solely on what someone else told them about you. Yes it’s shitty. But 9 times out of 10 no, neither of them are worth your effort.
• There are also going to be people who hate you for no particular reason and get pissed off about everything you do. don’t try to appease them because it will just make you hate yourself… At some point EVERYONE is someone’s “Bitch Eating Crackers.” You should just keep eating your crackers.
• Likewise, if you find yourself getting pissed off or annoyed at everything someone does, don’t interact with them. You are just going to prolong your own pain, suffering, and pissiness.
• A lot of the time, headaches can be cured by one of the following: sleep, food, water, tylenol, or loosening your ponytail… Make sure to try al those before you start freaking out about having a brain tumor.
• The whole “nothing good happens after 2 am” thing is a myth… If you are out and having fun, stay out. Have fun!
• Spite can actually be a really good motivator. seriously, it can make you so productive… just don’t let it make you insufferable.
• Ignore 1-star and 5-star reviews of books, hotels and products. The 3-star reviews will answer all your actual questions.
• Learn keyboard shortcuts. If you don’t know what CTRL + Z does, your life is definitely harder than it has to be.
• If it ever comes down to other people liking you and you liking yourself, always pick yourself. ALWAYS… Being able to look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day it highly underrated.
• Verbal, emotional, mental and financial abuse are STILL ABUSE… And you don’t have to put up with that shit.
• If you are ever about to bitch someone out, take a breath and count to 100 before doing it. It will give you time to either calm down and walk away OR think of really good insults.
• Even the nicest people have their limits. Don’t try to reach that point because the nicest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough… “Demons run when a good man goes to war.”
• Things that you should try to never start a sentence with: “no offense,” “not to be rude,” “well actually.”
• Splurge on cute underwear, good booze, and fancy food every once in a while. it’s totally worth it.
• Every occasion can be a dress up, champagne, and fancy china occasion if you believe in yourself.
• People who are nice to you but mean to waiters, retail workers, animals, or their mothers are not actually nice people.
• It is just as important to be aware of and acknowledge what you don’t know as it is to be aware of and acknowledge what you do know.
• If you unironically use the term “friendzone” you deserve to get punched in the face and/or kicked on the ass… Idgasf what the context or situation is, you absolutely deserve it!
• Every good relationship should be mutually beneficial and must have mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual effort… If it doesn’t have one of these, it’s not a good relationship.
• There’s gonna come a point in time in your life when you are going to start to feel icky if you go too long with out eating a fruit and/or vegetable… It’s gonna be around the same general time when you should start taking a daily multivitamin.
• Your sexuality is what you say it is. Period. And it’s ok if you don’t know exactly what that is right now or if it changes at any time in the future. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise, they can get bent.
• You are not required to disclose any kind of personal information about yourself and no one is entitled to that information in order for you and your opinion to be respected… However, if you are going to argue a point or hold yourself out as a representative of a certain minority/class/demographic, there is probably going to come a point in time where you need to back up your arguments with the necessary information. Just be prepared to put your money where your mouth is.
• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I’m pretty sure you’re still being a dick… Don’t take advantage of peoples’ faith or trust in you. It’s a dick move, just don’t do it.
• The same goes for not cheating on your significant others or betraying your friends… Seriously it is SO EASY to not treat people like shit. It takes slim to no effort.
• Be aware that when you make blanket statements about groups of people, there are really no such things as exclusionary or exception clauses… Like, you can’t tell someone in that group “but i’m not talking about YOU” because you are. You are talking about them. That’s just, quite literally, how making generalizations works.
• STAY IN YOUR LANE! When you have to get over be polite and USE YOUR GODDAMN BLINKER... This applies to sooo many things in life besides just driving.