To The Top

On the scale of fictional bastards I’m invested in equidistant between Artemis Fowl and Light Yagami, that’s where he resides… Nathaniel Bartimaeus Trilogy.

I almost have a whole chart, but like.

I could change the middle column to “perpetuating societal ills” or something, but I’m still coming up blank.

oh i’m sorry 

SUZAKU: you do the crime, you get the crime

“Ace King”? Pft, try Ace Emperor. Happy International Asexuality Day to perhaps the most That Bitch of all time.

Just spent the last hour discussing what started as a joke then turned into a scientific study of how you can break any trio into Sword, Shield, Emperor, and got me freaking the hell out because it was true every time — all trios can be functionally broken into this mold, and if they don’t fit in despite the fact they should have, it reveals why the trio failed in their roles—IE Mellow, Near, and Matt, who should have in that order had personalities and loadouts meant for Sword, Emperor, Shield, but refused, started a loadout of (in that order) Emperor, Shield, Sword. However, Near refused to participate as Shield in the group, resulting in the deaths of the rest of his party. It’s fascinating.

There are two other story +1s if you have a large group that’s equally tight knit (IE The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya); the Princess & the Trap Card. The Princess is sort of a morality pet for the group, and provides emotional support, centeredness, direction, and most importantly, motivation; the Trap Card is slightly dangerous and very unpredictable, but usually to the benefit of the group. However, most units function solely as trios when breaking them down for analysis, and figuring out who is who is the funnest game ever — IE for a full 5 loadout, horrifying as it may be, in Scooby Doo, Velma functions as the Emperor, Daphnie as the Sword, Fred as the Shield, with Shaggy acting as the Princess and Scooby as the Trap Card. There’s alternately also a Sleeper Emperor, a second Emperor role in the dynamic which has functional overlap with the Trap Card & can be viewed as a hyper specialized version of it.

People don’t have to function as the role they’re best suited to—IE Ethan Hunt should universally be an Emperor in any group, but because of his core nature being an obsession with protecting others, only ever functions as a Shield unless Luther is present, which frees him up to be Emperor. IE: Ethan, Benji, Ilsa would be Shield, Emperor, Sword. This still works just fine, because everyone assumes a workable role, and all slots are filled. Luther’s presence adds extra stability (IE Ethan, Luther, Benji, Ilsa becomes Emperor, Shield, Princess, Sword), and adds functionality to the team, but the only failure for a trio is refusal to fill all three slots functionally point blank.

I feel like I’ve uncovered a fundamental truth of the universe and I’m utterly thrilled.

A lot of trios are very clear cut:

For instance: Sybil, Sam Vimes, Vetinari is clearly Shield, Sword, Emperor.

Newspaper Trio is William as Emperor, Otto as Sword, Sachsrissa as Shield.

But sometimes you get weird tricky shit like Moist as Dummy Emperor, Adora Belle/Spike as Sword, Mr Pump or Gladys (depending on the book) as shield, and Vetinari as Sleeper Emperor/True Emperor.

Or, out of Discworld, you get examples like:

-Hardison Emperor, Parker Sword, Elliot Shield (he should also be Sword, but he’s capable of being shield and neither of the others can) (Leverage)

-Tulio Emperor, Miguel Shield, Chel Sword (Road to El Dorado)

-Aisaka Emperor, Ryuji Shield, Minori Sword (Yuusuke as trap card, Ami as Princess—but the weirdest possible princess role. You’d think she’s trap card because she’s a dick and that Yusuke would be the princess. But her function is to force people into emotional maturity and Yusuke is all over the damn map).

-For the core members of The Forgotten, Itzal is Emperor, Nat is Shield, Heskan is Sword. However, when you add the secondary party members, Nat becomes Princess, Penna becomes Shield, Elwyn becomes Trap Card.

-As for shipping in The Forgotten: Norebo/Itzal/Wee Jas gives you Emperor Norebo, Sword Itzal, Shield Wee Has. Heskan is a nightmare because he’s the connective tissue in a lot of trios but is incapable of functioning as Emperor. You can have Emperor Itzal, Sword Heskan, Shield Reardon; or Emperor Moqul, Sword Heskan, Shield Reardon; or Emperor Itzal, Sword Heskan, Shield Kovan. Heskan can only be emperor if he’s working with characters even more functionally incapable of being emperor than he is (Emperor Heskan, Shield Nat, Sword Keth).

Anyway. Did you watch Code Geass at a key point in your development or are you normal?

Girlboss, Malewife, Manwhore is out; Emperor, Sword, Shield, is in

There’s really nothing so evident of fantastic composition as watching R1 and on sight being like “Damn Cornelia is such a monster—she needs to go down,” and then by the end of R2 you’re like “Dear God Cornelia please please I am BEGGING you to live you’re the only sane person left; you’re the only chance I am pleading with you to save the world from absolute despotism and genocide,” Like HOW.

x

July 10, 2000 - Happy birthday, Kururugi Suzaku!