and with your help it can rack up 700k notes on tumblr in 2024

no tumblr this doesnt need tags im releasing it into the wild as god intended

lord take all of my pain and sufferig and give it to elon musk

font reviews based on how good :3 looks

Arial: Classic font, looks good for the most part, but a little bit bland also. 6/10

Berlin Sans FB: There's already a lot more character, but the mouth is simply too long and the lips don't curl enough which takes away from the experience. 4/10

Comic Sans MS: Now THAT'S a colon-three. There's so much silliness in that face it's hard to bear. My only real critique is that the eyes are just a smidge too narrow, but that's just a nitpick more than anything. 8/10

Courier New: Sleek. Professional. Big vertical eyes full of glee. Very solid choice for a colon-three font. 7/10

Jokerman: I feel bad for including this one. That font stood no chance against the others. This is the eldritch horror of colon-threes. These eyes are filled with nothing except murderous intent. The mouth is crooked with a sharp corner, but the most egregious part is probably the teeth-like protrustions from the bottom part of the mouth. 0/10

Goudy Stout: An interesting take on colon-three. I like the idea of having an incredibly thick mouth (even if it's a bit too thick for my liking), and the eyes being big and centered is a big positive. Much sillier than most fonts, but I think struggles to beat Comic Sans in terms of silliness. 6/10

Consolas: Worse version of Courier New. The lips just don't curl enough and it just ends up looking a little pathetic. 4/10

Fixedsys: Oh my god. Holy shit. What the fuck. 10/10

DO YOU KNOW THIS CHARACTER?

Somehow I doubt he's all of you.

“i must be faking this for attention” thinks the girl who isn’t even telling anyone about it

I dunno man. I found out today that a subway sandwich is $14 now. A shitty subway footlong sandwich that isn't actually 12 inches long and is occasionally made with expired ingredients and was never a great option to start with. I ate those in high school because I was broke and at the mall a lot.

There are poke bowls in my city from a local place for $16. Super fresh fish and veg, warm rice, more than I can eat in one sitting, for the price of a sandwich and a drink at america's most mid-tier sandwich shop.

Someone in another post said (paraphrased) you used to be able to get something mediocre for cheap, but now the mediocre things cost as much as the nice things so why would you?

This is me when I realized I could get a proper bowl of curry from the fancy indian food place for basically the same price as a fuckin McDonald's hamburger meal these days

I heard an ad the other day for a "fantastic deal! Four dollar four inch subway snack sandwich!" And like. I'm sure that would seem like a much better deal I'd I wasn't one of the ones who grew up with obnoxious "five dollar foot long subway sandwich" ads.

A dollar an inch of sandwich. When it used to be 2.4 inches. 240% markup is GOOD? Fucking bite me

Yeah with fast food having delusions of grandeur these days it's really made me appreciate the non-chain food places in my area. The other day I went to the local Hawaiian BBQ place and discovered that they have teriyaki chicken AND Beef BBQ musubi for 3.99. and they come in pairs. PAIRS.

I KNOW.

So I immediately bought an order of each and had 4 delicious musubi and a drink for less than a combo at Burger King.

So yeah, show em we don't need their shit sandwiches.

There's some hilarious irony in that by creating an ad campaign so incredibly catchy and memorable that it entered public consciousness (the dream of any marketing team), Subway ensured everyone of a certain age range would view them as the poster child of fast-food price gouging.

"Whoa nice, a backup camera¹!"

¹backup cameras have been mandatory for over half a decade

THEY HAVE??

(Source)

"The Tech Guild is asking readers to honor the digital picket line and not play popular NYT Games such as Wordle and Connections as well as not use the NYT Cooking app."

I want to be a white dad in a horror movie

Currently moving my brunette wife and our dejected children into an abandoned ghost factory for a fresh start

Honey, don't worry about our daughter's new habit of standing in front of the security camera in her playroom and murmuring about bones every night. That's probably just something women do

Why shouldn't our son play in the pitch black sub-basement that was walled shut with bricks until I started renovations? He's a growing boy

Finally caving to my wife's irrational fear and typing "ghosts?" into the Google search bar

Sumerian Veteran: *has severe PTSD but doesn't know it because the term won't be invented for another 5000 years* I fight the same battle in my dreams every night and my relationship with my family has fallen apart.

Sumerian Healer: *saw hundreds of veterans with the exact same affliction before* You're cursed by desert demons.

actually we have recorded texts of sumerian warriors describing symptoms that closely match ptsd, and the diagnoses was not desert demons, but rather "Those dudes you killed are still attacking you with their ghosts because you killed them"

i still think one of the funniest jokes i ever did was back during the 2020 election cycle i put a bernie sanders logo on a conscientious objector and just ran around 2fort as scout spamming the "go left" voice command