I went through so much this year. It made all of my darkest moments light in comparison. As much as I want to plan and be hopeful for next year, I can't. I don't want to be disappointed in the end. AGAIN.
Maybe, my heart and mind will align at a later date. Right now, I just can't see past this very moment with optimism.
I know that sounds strange coming from a page that normally posts the complete opposite.
What 3 emojis would you use if you were giving a life update?
What color is your life right now, and why?
There are things that I wish to change and heal from. The problem is I have unknowingly built my entire personality around them. As a person who suffers from imposter syndrome with identity issues, I know for a fact I don't know who I am or even who I want to be. I have never had a clear plan on what the future would look like for me. I do know that I'm not living anything close to the small pieces of what I did see for myself. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know how to be myself because I've never had the opportunity to be me unapologetically or without being met with resistance. From my point of view, no one around me has ever made me comfortable or vulnerable enough to be ME. I am always too much or too little. Too loud or too quiet. Too distant or too close. Too boring or too goofy. In other words, I have never been ENOUGH. I have voiced this grievance many times. I know people heard me, but I don't think anyone was listening. That's what hurts the most. When vulnerability is met with silence, it becomes a burden that carried is alone. So, I did just that. BE ALONE. Now, I am the only one responsible for my emotions, healing, and life because I have given everyone around me the gifts of silence and ignorance. No one listened, so no one gets to hear me anymore. And since no one can hear me, no one knows anything. Oh, isn't ignorance bliss? No one knows the many pieces of my heart. No one knows what chaos goes on inside my head. No one knows what unspoken words sit bitterly at the tip of my tongue. No one knows the grief I have endured for things and people that are alive. No one knows how dark my life became when light became a distant memory. No one knows the pain of watching the world move on when your stuck inside your own head. No one knows how it feels to acknowledge that you are the reason for the life you live even when you tried your hardest. No one knows what it's like to be labeled one of HIS strongest soldiers while feeling like giving up is a better reward than fighting. So, tell me. How do I finish this puzzle with so many pieces missing or destroyed? Or better yet, is it even worth finishing?
The Self Improvement Journal: A Guided Prompt Journal for Beginners | 100 Prompts | Self-Help & Mental Health https://a.co/d/4MrOfan
