If you force your body into making “fitness goals” while actively restricting, you are not going to see the results you want. You are only going to get sicker. Fitness is a physical, mental, and emotional thing. It involves striving for complete, overall health. If you are refusing to try restoring your body to physical health, you cannot improve your fitness. I’m sorry if I am sounding harsh, but I really hope you realize how disordered this thought process is. Picking up a new fitness routine while underweight, especially if it’s underweight due to ED, can easily kill you.

Trying to make fitness improvements while actively restricting is like saying “I’m going to learn to play the piano but I’m also deliberately going to cut my hands off.” I do strongly encourage you to make positive fitness goals! But, I recommend that you use your fitness goals as a way to cope with the scale weight you will gain during recovery. (or even better, maybe a goal to work towards is to not weigh yourself/weigh yourself less as you work on fitness and recovery?

I know it sounds like the most terrifying thing, but intense fear of weight gain is literally a mental, physiological side effect of physical starvation. If you gain weight, over time you will be less terrified of gaining weight because your body will no longer be panicking and your hormones will start to go back to normal.

It sounds like you may benefit from a little support (if you don’t have some already) so I will encourage you to check out the NEDA site and perhaps find a discussion group near you. These are open groups that are in a neutral, non-medical environment and are not overseen by medical professionals. If you need more resources, these groups are a good way to find them in your area.

Any recovery blogs that want to contribute to this response would be appreciated. And anon, we are here for you.