君の魂に惚れた

“Технически, я не ходил по столу”…

I’m gonna shit a brick.

The pickup line “did it hurt when you fell from Heaven” is actually informing somebody that you think they may be Satan.

Scary. maximumble.com

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, but that’s also the definition of practice.

What if I have a superpower and don’t even know it cause it’s too obscure to even think of, like turning vultures into cotton candy or making palm trees explode by rubbing tuna cans on Renaissance paintings.

Teachers: You can’t write an essay in a night. Exam: Write an essay in two hours.

friend

this still cracks me up like can you imagine you’re 130 years old and suddenly a gigantic alien baby starts following you around

i work as a barista & people tell me all the time that The Drinks Got Gender. Thats A Lady Coffee, people try to say

its fucking bean water

can’t believe i can’t just reply to this but: maybe they’re actually telling you that this coffee has an important status. Lady Coffee

oh shit i was in the presence of bean water royalty oh fuck i must have looked like such a rube. such a fool.

what the fuck does this post mean ive been trying to decipher its hieroglyphic encrypted message but i cant

“From a deconstructionist stand point, I have to disagree with a large portion of the customers that I, a humble barista tend to each day. The assertion that certain coffee drinks are more suitable for one gender or another is folly. For as we know: 1. gender is a social construct, & 2. coffee of any type is simply hot water strained through roasted beans, & has no greater affect on either culturally assigned sex.”

“What ho, kind friend! Is it not unfortunate that I cannot simply reply to this post, & most reblog it? What a farce, this blue website! Ah, but I digress: what if perhaps your customers were not asserting not the suitability of the drink for a given gender, but rather indicating some matter of status? Perhaps the coffee is possessing of a high rank in society. This is of course my purely grammatical viewpoint on the subject.”

“Oh, damnation! This does in fact seem much more likely than my own ludicrous assumptions, & I was no doubt in the presence of roasted bean royalty! Some emissary from foreign soil! Curses! What a country bumpkin I’ve made myself out to be!!”

Douglas Kennedy, The Pursuit of Happiness (via wordsnquotes)

“The Trojan room coffee pot was the inspiration for the world’s first webcam. The coffee pot was located in the Trojan Room, within the old Computer Laboratory of the University of Cambridge. The webcam was created to help people working in other parts of the building avoid pointless trips to the coffee room by providing a live picture of the state of the coffee pot. The camera was installed on a local network in 1991 using a video capture card on an Acorn Archimedes. Quentin Stafford-Fraser wrote the client software and Paul Jardetzky wrote the server.

Source

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I have worked with engineers and computer scientists of all stripes, and I guarantee that more advancements in technology have been made out of sheer laziness than for any other reason.

College students I swear

In the english language, kill and execute are synonyms. When using computers, they are antonyms.