Petty Arguments
It took a really, really long time for aliens to catch onto the petty, nonsensical, unimportant, unfathomable arguments and opinions that humans chose as their hill to die on.
These absurd stances included, but were not limited to:
-did cereal count as soup?
-what letters were even and what letters were odd?
-where hamburgers sandwiches?
-did a toothbrush get wet before or after the toothpaste was on it?
-was water wet?
-could the human body tell the difference between wet and cold?
These questions were illogical, but if one was asked, all humans in the immediate vicinity formed a hard and fast opinion and squabbling would ensue.
. . .
Human 1: All vowels are even, and consonants are odd.
Human 2: Wrong. Consonants are even, and vowels are odd.
Human 1: Vowels are smooth, and therefore even!
Human 2: Consonants are jagged, and that’s why they’re even!
Human 3: Doesn’t it depend on what font you use anyways?
Human 4: The best front is Comic Sans MS.
Human 1, 2, 3: …
*bickering*
The aliens watched in scared horror as the humans started screaming font names at each other. The argument was only interrupted by a moderate emergency and seemingly forgotten by the humans…
… until two weeks later when someone filled out a report wrong and the font discussion came up again.
