I'm Just A Creature

my liege we your council would not advise this course of action but we all agree it would be pretty funny regardless

My brother had lost the right to mock my deeply unwise vending machine purchase because he's spending his weekend driving to Iowa to buy a 1954 Cadillac limousine.

He doesn't have an explanation for this other than the fact that it's cool. And honestly, that's a pretty compelling argument

Oh good, he's named it.

He got her and she's gargantuan

THE BIG is home!!

Update: brother says: tell your internet people- I’ve been making the car shiny and it is COOL.

He's correct. This is excellent.

being convinced your keys are in your backpack because when you shake it you can hear them but upon closer inspection it's just a really small foley artist imitating your keys with a piece of glass and a crumb

This interior design shit easy

"Does the author respect women" is a third distinct question from either of the other two.

why would you like media that is good if you can like media that is bad instead and pace around your room like an insane person thinking about What If It Was Good

My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him "In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple 'pro and contra list' we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate."

and my dad didn't really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: "I am having a bad time at the conference"

I too am having a bad time at the conference

Reblog if you too are having a bad time at the conference

This is what it’s all about

people have already mentioned this, but I wanna bring it up as well:

wonderfully fitting name. Emet. truth. because he found it, didn't he?

Looking back it was so funny how high school teachers would pull the "you won't be able to get away with stuff like this in college, your professors expect you to be serious" or any hint that college is a Deeply Serious place.

One year in college I took a summer class on The Canterbury Tales because the super rad professor from my "Saints, Whores, and Warriors: Women of Medieval Europe" class was teaching it and convinced me that learning all the dirty jokes in Chaucer would be a rad way to spend the summer (she was correct).

Anyway, the university assigned us a modular classroom, or a trailer, and she was pissed. It was summer semester, you really couldn't find one classroom on this whole campus for 15 freaks reading Chaucer? Really? So she decided to move the class to the little 1890s house on the other side of campus where the English department was and we could enjoy the nice former living room/dining room for the summer.

She leads us on our trek across campus, not really paying attention to us. We file inside and get seats around the table as she is unpacking her bag and getting set up. Finally she turns around to see all 15 of us eating one of these

"What the...fuck? How? Where did you all get popsicles?" Total bewilderment.

Someone explained that the GRE test prep people where handing them out to students. Her reaction was "well this is unacceptable." And she went and demanded one of her own and we all enjoyed a frozen treat as we discussed the finer point of the Knight's Tale in middle English.

Not to be confused with the time a kid showed up like 20? 30? minutes late for a different English class with the excuse "sorry, there is a bouncy castle outside and I lost track of time" to which the professor responded "There is a bounce house?! Class dismissed." and just fucking left.

I understand that museums have to be dark because light can destroy fragile artifacts. That said, I’m always afraid to walk around the blind corners because what if there is a skeleton

Okay yes sometimes there’s a skeleton, I understand how museums work. But I mean what if it gets me

Fact: you can absolutely kick a skeleton's ass. You are a skeleton wearing biological power armor. Skeletons of adult humans typically weigh less than 30 pounds. You are in a superior weight class by orders of magnitude.

i wish someone had told me that when i was a kid and terrified of having to fight a skeleton

happy PRIDE i’m here i’m queer and i believe the land should be given back to the proper indigenous stewards.

Non-Natives reblogging this are great and wonderful

Please remember that "land back" does not mean "indigenous people are mystical elves with innate epigenetic wisdom of land stewardship and they don't belong in big cities," nor does it mean "non-indigenous people can't be farmers." What it DOES mean is that "non-indigenous farmers should be paying the equivalent of property taxes to the native governments their land was stolen from." It means, "there's a great deal of indigenous scholarship on sustainable agricultural practices that farmers should be taking into account, because indigenous agriculture was more advanced than European agriculture at the time Europe invaded the Americas and western agriculture *still* hasn't caught up in terms of figuring out how to produce equivalently high crop yields without compromising the ecosystem." It means, "non-indigenous farmers should be in an intellectual discourse with indigenous agricultural scientists and indigenous peoples that still do traditional farming, figuring how to repair the damage western farming practices have done to the ecosystem."

It also means that indigenous peoples should regain the right to sustain themselves on the land according to the practices they want, and they should have free reign to perform their cultural practices and protect their holy sites, as opposed to the current model where if they try to honor their dead on public lands they get violently removed.

People also get angry at this concept thinking it'd mean non-native people getting mass evicted from their homes but 1) your home is already owned by a bank or big business or government, the difference would mainly be who you're now paying rent to and 2) most of the land in America isn't residential anyway.

This topic isn't about your house that you're already struggling to pay for, it's about thousands of miles of the planet rotting away under the monopoly of big agriculture and oil, but hypothetically speaking I think a local tribe would treat you a shitload better than whatever inhuman real estate brand you're already at the mercy of.

oh your most controversial opinion is that pineapple goes on pizza? should we tell michael scott from the office? maybe joey from friends?

ohhhh my god you're fluent in sarcasm?

i got inspired

You unlock secret dialogue by being open about your kinks with friends

you unlock hidden events too

DRAGON AGE: INQUISITION (2014)