it’s pride month and as an asexual person, i really wanted to make a post that is important to me.

i am already starting to see a lot of asexuality-based pride posts that are keeping up the notion that all asexual people are completely sex repulsed and NEVER engage with any sort of sexual thing ever, which is an extremely outdated concept that isn’t as inclusive as it seems.

there are just as many sex-positive and sex-neutral asexuals who use the label as sex-repulsed ones. by consistently putting out asexual pride merchandise like “cake! not sex!” and “eeerm. i’d rather read about dragons than porn!” it’s alienating a lot asexual people who feel weird using the term because they do enjoy things like sex or porn.

there are asexual sex workers, asexual smut fanfic writers, asexuals who engage in sexual conversations with others, asexuals who do hookups, asexuals who run kink blogs, asexuals who do everything an allosexual person does with a much lowered sense of attraction to people if any at all. those people also deserve to feel good.

asexuality is simply a lack or lowered amount of sexual attraction to others. that doesn’t mean that lack of attraction immediately turns into repulse at the concept every single time. this lack of budge with the label being inherently connected to pure sex repulsion is why so many people are worried to actually use the label.

sex-positive, sex-neutral, sex-repulsed, even asexuals who feel like their opinions change over time depending on their mood, they’re all as equally valid as an outdated slogan for a sexuality.

a slightly belated happy pride to every aromantic, every asexual, and every person in between. we are such an incredibly important part of the lgbtq+ community and i hope you all have a wonderful pride month!

A lil compilation of ace pride artwork I’ve made over the past year! 💜

It’s okay to not want to have sex ever. It’s okay to never even try it.

I was 23 before it even occurred to me that not starting with sex ever was an option. The feeling of relief was so great I actually cried. 

You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You can have a fine live without ever having sex, I promise you. 

Also, it’s okay to never date anyone ever. It’s okay to never even try it if you don’t want to. 

I wrote a master’s thesis on intentionally single people, and the number of them that said in various ways, “I didn’t know not dating people was even an option at first” was absolutely tragic. They honestly thought they had no choice and it never occurred to them that opting out was even a possibility available to them.  

People honestly believe these are life experience you are required to have AND THEY ARE NOT.

You can just not have sex. You can just not date people. You can completely by-pass one or both of those things. Neither of those things are required to be healthy, happy, normal, mature, fulfilled, or any of the other bullshit notions that get attached to these things. 

I understand having boundaries in online spaces and stuff but also like especially within the lgbt community yall have got to stop thinking about identity as a fixed concept. People can and do discover new things about themselves all the time, including but not limited to, things about their gender and sexuality!!!! If this is a problem for you that's literally your problem to deal with not anyone else's!!! Struggling with identity is a lonely and isolating experience and yall just get online every day and just make that worse for people in your own community!!!!

The bisexual to aroace pipeline is pretty much having the right idea and coming to the wrong conclusion. Yeah buddy you're not straight and you're also not gay. No not like that though, the other way around

“I feel the same way about everyone”

Yeah you do. Because you don’t.

Aroace to bisexual pipeline here. Same but also opposite

asexual in a bisexual way

bisexual in an asexual way

i love you straight aromantics. i love you straight asexuals. i love you straight aroaces. i love you straight aroallos. i love you straight aspecs. i love you straight aspecs who are questioning if they’re aspec or not. i love you ‘straight passing’ aspecs. you are loved and you are included and i see your pain and your struggles. you will always always always be a part of our community.

i keep seeing misinformation about this, so: queerplatonic relationships do not have a set definition. the name comes from the idea that it's "queering" the platonic relationship, tailoring it to the individual relationships' own desires. it isn't necessarily romance lite, but it also isn't necessarily whatever definition you want to impose on it. the point of queering the platonic relationship is to break away from strict allonormative views on friendship, romance, and sex, not to make a new categorical box to fit in.

the answer to "what is a qpr?" is "whatever you want it to be." sometimes that is romance lite. sometimes it's a deeply committed friendship. sometimes it's friends who have a sexual relationship. sometimes it's based on an entirely different mode of attraction. sometimes it's fluid and impossible to put into words. it's whatever you want it to be. it's queer.

Reminder:

Demisexual was made up on an roleplaying forum as an excuse for why a character would fuck around with some people and not others.

It was then ‘imported’ to Tumblr by one of their users at the time, FactualWiley, as a joke.  People then began using it unironically, not realizing it was entirely made up.

I. What? I don’t. Trying not to have a personal crisis rn cause I’m grey ace/demisexual…. what…

Brutal honesty here and not for the sake of being mean, but I think you should probably hear this.

Tumblr has a very, very bad habit of creating spaces where group-think becomes the norm.  It is, for lack of a better term, a bunch of cults who keep people in line by oscillating between validation  and abuse, which is precise how cults (and abusers in general) break people down.

I can’t speak to your entire history here, but I’ve seen it several times where certain behaviors are suddenly deemed a sexuality/gender/etc to create the illusion of validity. 

I’m going to guess you had certain feelings and behaviors and you found others to tell you that you were valid and special because of them.  When, in reality, demisexuality is just a set of behaviors straight/bi/gay people exhibit as is the norm.

You’ve been shown that you were lied to.  I really hope you don’t double down and go right back to believing that lie just because it is easier.  That’s not healthy.

I would honestly suggest stepping back and reassessing your sexuality without the demisexual label.  Maybe you’re bi, gay, straight, I dunno, but there’s nothing wrong with any of those labels and you don’t need ‘demisexual’ to feel valid.  You were valid already.

I don’t normally do this, but I’ve been alive and LGBT longer than you have by a significant margin.  So if you need to hash some things out, you can message me and I’ll do my best.

Seriously.  Don’t go back to the lie.  You won’t be happy because you will always, deep down, know it was a lie.  It will only cause you stress, pain and damage in the future.

Legitimately hope you read this and take what I said seriously.

dude where tf do you think “real” sexualities come from? damn, if someone feels happy under the demisexual label who cares. 

Nature. That’s where “real” sexual orientations — homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality — come from.

“Demisexuality” is also known as, “not into one night stands”, and that isn’t a sexual orientation, it’s a dating choice.

A great one, but a dating choice never the less. Get off your special sauce.

i’m not demisexual myself, but i have friends that identify with the label. and from what i understand, it’s not “not into one night stands” but “doesnt feel sexual attraction until a strong emotional bond is formed”.

i’m allosexual, meaning i’m not Ace or anywhere on that spectrum. i dont do one night stands (dating choice), but i can still feel sexual attraction when i meet someone for the first time (not a choice).

my friend doesnt experience this, he is not allosexual. but he can experience sexual attraction once he and his partner develope a deeper romantic relationship, so he is not completely asexual. and no, he’s not just a “sex possitive ace”. he can feel sexual attraction some times.

maybe the origin of the term demisexual came from an rp forum, but the definition has changed. just because the word is new in the lexicon doesn’t mean humans haventever had this experience before the word came about. it’s a situation of “there’s a word for that?? i’m not the only one who experiences this??” even if that word wasnt created with the intent of being a real identity.

i honestly dont think telling people that a label they use, one that makes themselves feel good and not alone, is a “lie” is going to do way more harm than good. telling ppl “you were and are valid even without the label” doesnt negate that you just told them that part of their identity isnt real and is made up and have given them no alternative, you just ripped away part of who they feel they are. who tf cares where the word came from? “gay” originally had jothing to do with homosexuality, but now look. its that main term for it. and an abuse/cult cycle? really? you talked about the ‘validation’ part of the cycle, but where the abuse? what part of going “hey, here’s a term to simply expain a complicated experience of mine to someone else and they’ll understand” abusive? no one is forcing ppl to identify and ascep or greyace. infact, they’re the part of the LBGT+ queer community that gets shat on the most because of terfs. and you coming in here trying to gatekeep terms really feels like anti ace discourse, and i’m not going to just let that slide.

TL;DR there is literally zero harm in letting people call themself demisexual, especially since sexual attraction isnt cut and dry between Ace and Allo, just like how it isnt between Hetero and Homo. the world isnt black and white and we are constantly inventing new words to describe personal experiences. it no longer matters where it came from, the meaning has changed.

stop trying to gatekeep the community. you’re not the Identity Police

PSA: Demisexuality is real.

Just because you don’t understand a thing, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Demisexuals are a valid part of the asexual spectrum.

Can you please reblog if your blog is a safe place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, asexual, aromantic, pansexual, non binary, demisexual or any other kind of queer or questioning people? Because mine is.