Prompt 13 – breathe in, breathe out
Breathe in, breathe out.
The air was cool and carried the soft scent of decaying leaves crushed underfoot. Breathe in, breathe out. Alex was chattering away in the back of their shared mind, Leia was talking a mile a minute about the moss growing on the tree’s around them, a stolen-shared-unwanted heartbeat echoed in his ears with every breath, every step. Breathe in, breathe out.
Something was tugging at his elbow. Blinking a bit as he settled back into reality, he looked down to find that Leia was the source of the tugging. She was looking at him with those huge brown puppy dog eyes that the sway of which were the only reason he’d agreed to let her tag along today. “Yes?” he asked patiently.
She frowned at him “You weren’t listening at all were you.”
Ah, Alex you wanna help me out?
“Not really no.”
He tried to roll his eyes at Alex internally, but he wasn’t sure if it worked. No matter, breathe in, breathe out, speak with confidence. “You were saying something about Horn Calcareous Moss, weren’t you?”
She shook her head and he sighed. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”
She stepped a bit closer as if she was afraid of being heard, and he was once again reminded that nineteen years on earth was really not that long at all, and yet that was all the life she’d yet lived. Any of them had lived. Creator beyond, they were too young for this.
“Just, don’t walk so fast, we should stick together, we—we don’t know if she’s out here today.”
He offered a smile “Kellan was sure that he’s only seen Hawthorne heading out this way on Tuesdays and Fridays. Today is a Wednesday, so she’s not gonna be out here.” He gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze “besides, I’ll keep us safe so don’t worry.” He gestured for her to follow him as he ventured further down the path.
He might not be able to kill Hawthorne himself thanks to her part in his botched resurrection, but he could sure as hells hurt her if she popped out from behind one of Leia’s beloved moss covered tree’s.
“Like the worlds worst whack-a-mole.” Alex piped in providing Jin with an accompanying mental image that had him biting back laughter.
He glanced back at Leia to see her staring at him with those big eyes, and he let out a disappointed sigh. She was looking at him like he was a problem she couldn’t solve with her trowel and pruning shears. She was clever, more-so than he’d originally thought. Made it hard to keep secrets from her.
“So let me tell her.” Alex hissed.
Not yet.
He smiled almost teasingly at Leia “Yes? Something on your mind.”
She chewed at her lip “You—you’re acting strange.”
“Am I?”
“Yes.” She said it with such finality he was almost taken aback.
“You—we’re—“ she stopped and took a frustrated breath “We’re all afraid of Hawthorne. All of us. And—and you are too. Or—or you were when we talked last night and now you’re not. And— and you’re wearing those colored contacts and you’ve never worn those before, and I don’t know why and—“ another breath “you’ve been talking differently, like—like you don’t even sound like yourself and you hunch most of the time but you’re standing up straight and you only do that when you start talking weird or wearing those contacts and—and I don’t know but something is wrong.”
Well that didn’t bode well for his secret.
“Just let me—“
Not yet.
He’d gotten too comfortable with her. Forgotten he was meant to be Alex, not Jin. It was frustrating how she’d gotten under his guard so fast, it had to be those damned puppy dog eyes. Reminding him of his sister and acting like she was, because she was Alex’s sister. He’d forgotten it wasn’t him she was worried about, it wasn’t him she wanted to get to know, he needed to stop slipping.
Breathe in, breathe out. This was fine.
He dropped his shoulders and adopted Alex’s pattern of speech as he stepped towards her with feigned hesitance “I—I’m sorry Leia. You—“ he sighed sheepishly “you’re right. I just— I dunno, I just wanted to… pretend I guess. That I was braver than I am.” He let out a nervous laugh “Fake it till you make it right?”
She was still looking at him with that mix of worry and nervousness, well that just wouldn’t do.
“Jin come on, don’t.”
It’s fine.
“It isn’t!”
Jin tuned him out. He needed to focus for this. He stepped a bit closer before straightening his posture again. Breathe in, breathe out, focus. He caught her eye and pushed just a bit with his mind, “There’s nothing to worry about.” Her eyes unfocused just a bit and he knew it was working, he just had to choose his lies carefully. Breathe in, breathe out, keep just enough pressure on her mind “You aren’t worried about how I’ve been acting. It’s normal, it’s all perfectly normal for me. Not a thing to worry about.” He touched her shoulder gently “Right?”
She nodded slowly, “Nothing…nothing to worry about. It’s all…all normal. ‘M not worried.”
Jin smiled as he reeled his magic back from the edges of her conscious “Good.”
Leia swayed a moment and he steadied her with the gentle hand at his shoulder. Her eyes came back into focus as she blinked confused, rubbing at her face with her sweater sleeve. She looked at him wide eyed “What…what were we talking about?”
“I believe you were saying something about Horn Calcereous Moss?” He couldn’t help a soft laugh at the way that she absolutely lit up at the chance to regale him with more moss facts.
He listened absently to her discussing the etymology and naming of the moss as they continued their trek. He much preferred the peaceful glee of her plant rants, to the big eyed worry and discomfit of the beginnings of her realization that he wasn’t Alex.
“You can’t just mess with her head.”
Well now who isn’t listening to her lecture on Moss?
Alex’s response was colorful and he resolutely kept himself from rolling his eyes externally. He tuned into what Leia was saying in case he was expected to respond to any of it.
“—and it’s non vascular which means it doesn’t have the xylem or the phloem and—and that’s really interesting because that’s the bit that transfers water to th—gck” Leia stopped abruptly with an awful choking gurgle.
Alex went silent with first confusion and then horror as Jin whipped around to face her. Leia’s death wound had reopened. A curving line of red across her throat spilling blood down her pale pink sweater like a river. She was falling and he ran to catch her, bundling her into his arms trying to keep a hand over the cut to stem the blood. No, no, no, not again, not again, Ren, renny please.
Yellow cotton dress soaked in blood and she’d be so upset it was her favorite. Pink stitched flowers on a sweater stained red, red, red. Leia gasping and choking, and drowning and she looked so scared and so small. So small Renny was so small, she was too little for how far she fell, too little for so much blood. She wasn’t moving she wasn’t moving, she— Leia was grasping at his arm, digging her blunted nails into his jacket. Tears dripping down her cheeks. No, no, this couldn’t happen. Not again, he couldn’t do it again. She was so scared, so scared and— and he was the big brother he had to fix it. He— breathe in, breathe out.
He had to fix it.
Breathe in, breathe out.
There was too much blood. Oh mother beyond, please, there was too much, he—
Breathe in, breathe out.
She was so scared, so scared, and he—he could fix that.
Breathe in, breathe out.
He caught her terrified eyes and, he pushed, harder than before to reach her through the pain and the panic. His voice was thick with un she’d tears as he spoke with magic lacing his lies sugary sweet “it’s okay. It’s okay. You’re going to be just fine. You’re going to be fine. Help is coming. It’s okay. You’ll be okay Keesi.” You’ll be okay little sister.
Alex was shouting something in the back of his mind that he couldn’t make out through his own panic and focus on keeping the lie going. He felt tears dripping down his cheeks and he didn’t know if they were Alex’s or his.
That awful choking gurgling noise had stopped, her freckles stood out in sharp relief against her bloodless cheeks. Those big brown eyes, always so bright and lively, had gone dull. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay.”
Breathe—
Ren! Renny wake up!
Breathe in—
“You’ll be okay.”
Alex was shouting with grief and he couldn’t do anything but hold her body and repeat the lie hoping he’d believe it too.
He flinched at the flash of light. It was blindingly bright and it was coming from Leia’s cut. He looked away sucking in a sharp breath as the light exploded out from her. She wasn’t in his arms anymore, that was the next thing he registered.
Looking back and trying to see through the imprint the light had seared into his eyes. She was—she was moving! She was knelt on the ground a few feet away holding her scarred but healed throat. She was gasping for breath as the scar faded from angry red to a faded pink, that was almost the shade her sweater used to be. Her eyes were a vibrant glowing green, and the scraggly deadened grass around them was revitalizing into the same brilliant emerald. The branches on the tree’s were sprouting new leaves and stretching ever further towards the sky. She was alive, she was alive and it was spreading.
Her eyes slowly faded back to brown, and the brilliant glow faded from the world around them, but the new life remained.
Her eyes were wide, and afraid, and full of tears, her fingers frantically running over her new scar. She hunched over herself and let out a heart wrenching sob. He didn’t even register the choice to move and then he was beside her and pulling her into his arms as she sobbed against his chest.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’ll be okay.” It wasn’t even a lie this time. ”You’re okay. Just breathe with me okay?” He felt her nod shakily into his shoulder “Just breathe in and out.”