A Neo-Atomic Tango Thru a World of Dreams

On the topic of crazy Soviet war machines, this is the Tupolev TU-766 "Porpoise" also known as the Ushakov Flying Submarine. Half submarine, half light bomber/coastal patrol aircraft, this wonderful disaster was actually produced in some numbers during the Second World War.

Intended to be used for fleet defense, it proved an unwieldy and unresponsive aircraft, ill-suited to engagements of any kind. It also proved nearly impossible to find the right angle at which to enter the water, which funnily enough was the manner in which three-quarters of the production run was lost.

Oh well. Ya win some, ya lose some.

The photo is a hand-coloured proganda image from 1943.

The Zveno-Aviamatka, or "Link-Mothership" was the Soviet answer to the heavily armed and armoured dirigibles that filled the sky in the early twentieth century. A modified TB-3 bomber carrying a simple link system that allowed it to carry five aircraft on its fuselage and wings, the Zveno-Aviamatka was not only cheaper but significantly more maneuverable than its Western counterparts.

During the early days of the Second World War, these aircraft were produced in incredible numbers, flooding the German forces with fighters and close-support airplanes. The Zveno-Aviamatka is believed to have played a considerable part in the halting of the German advance at the Ukrainian border in 1942.

The American Democratic Union was the first-ever nation founded explicitly of the principles of Communalism, a form of proto-Communism proposed by Benjamin Franklin. The ADU was the first member of the League of Nations to recognise the Soviet government, and provided substantial material support to the Bolshevik troops during the Revolution.

These rare propaganda posters are from General Secretary Lenin's first visit to the ADU, and President Debs' return visit to the USSR.

Pvt. Dmitri Chernenko of the Third (Ukranian) Shock Army poses in NBC gear, The Palms, Connecticut, 1968. A member of the Third's elite parachute detachment, Chernenko's unit was the second into the ravaged USA after the bombs fell.

This photo is one of several taken of Chernenko's unit around and inside The Palms, a lavish country estate owned by Frank Sinatra. Currently, the photos reside in a scrapbook at the Victory Museum in Minsk. Titled "Revenge of the Proletaritat", they show the Soviet soldiers looting and vandalizing The Palms, some jokingly trying Sinatra's clothes on over their suits.

Chernenko himself died of leukemia in 1971, testament to the poor quality of Soviet equipment.

Quite possibly my favourite Soviet ever, Feliks Dzherzhinsky. This guy loved little kids-- loved them so much that he turned down a request to lead the NKVD in order to become the Kommisar for Education.

Stalin almost had him sent to the Gulag for the affront, knowing that Dzherzhinsky's sharp intellect and brilliant organizational skills would make him perfect for the job. But he did not, and the Soviet education system quickly became the envy of the world, while its secret police force struggled under a succssesion of opportunists and ex-Okhrana officers.

 When Stalin died in 1950, Dzherzhinsky ascended to the post of General Secretary, where he instituted a series of gradual reforms that went a long way towards rehabilitating the Soviet image in the eyes of the world.

He died in 1964, a hero to his people and a benevolent uncle to thousands of Soviet children, who adored this gentle man.

Contrary to popular belief, this is NOT a dollar bill from the American Federated Socialist Republic, but rather a souvenir note produced for Russians to commemorate the foundation of the AFSR (as you can see by the Cyrillic text). Since the collapse, real AFSR dollars have been hard to find, and I saw this being hawked at an auction recently.

So: caveat emptor: this is NOT an actual AFSR dollar; these Russian knockoffs are a dime a dozen, and this is essentially worthless.

On the lighter side, let's try out my Russian transliteration skills for my readers who don't know Cyrillic:

(on the top) "Proletarii Vsekh Starn Soyedinya(ei?)tes!"

(on the bottom) "Adin Chyervonyets"

His Supreme Excellency Generalissimo Josef Stalin, True and Righteous Helmsman of the Communist Ideal and Standard-Bearer of the True Democracy!

This is how you're supposed to say Stalin's name in Communist countries. And once you've said it, everyone's supposed to applaud for five minutes. Crazy, no?

Anyhow, here's a rare picture of Stalin visiting the Soviet Socialist Republic of America shortly after the takeover. He didn't make a speech (he said he was tired from the plane ride, though most believed he was embarrassed about his poor English skills) and visited no landmarks, allowing the SSRA only to organise a massive parade in his honour.

Even then he didn't stand up to greet the crowd, instead riding stoically through the cheering throngs in an antique car once belonging to Teddy Roosevelt.

When he got back, he vowed he would never again leave the RFSR, and died the very next year. 

photo (c) Joe Delaney, Truth,1952

This poster, created by Lithuanian artist Jurgis Rudkus to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the DDR, won a Walter Disney Graphic Design Award, proving that Soviets can actually create, clean, nice-looking designs.

It also won an Erich Honecker Award for Outstanding Propaganda, but really, we all know that doesn't count.

This 1938 Estonian poster celebrates the first round-the-world flight by the Soviet Airship Flotilla. Although impressive, they were cheaply made (in particular the hydrogen gasbags) and after a series of ignominious defeats, were finally mothballed in 1943.

After state-sponsored atheism failed, the USSR gradually began allowing the Russian Orthodox Church to begin ministering once again. However, they had one condition: that Marx, Lenin, and Stalin be canonized as saints, so edicts from the Kremlin would appear to have the power of G-d behind them.

This is an ikon of Saint Iosif, c. 2003.

I really don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Everyone knows how the Soviets crushed the Muzh back in Afghanistan in the '90s. But were you aware of just how they did it? That's right, the first pictures of the (up to now) top-secret 1K17 Szhatie laser tank have been released to the public.

We saw some blurry shots of what appeared to be a Szhatie in several May Day parades of past years, but we'd never gotten a close-up picture. But since the Americans have revealed their own FASR laser-projector, the Soviets are countering with pictures of the Szhatie.

According to Tass, the Szhatie can shatter rocks, burn through armour, and liquefy humans. Apparently the Americans have been spooked by the reveal, and they're already hard at work on the FASR Mk.II. Oh, escalation, when will you ever end?

photo (c) Georgy Balaban, Tass, 2013

Yevgeny Semyonov's idea in action: glider wings for tanks. First deployed at Stalingrad in 1943, the tanks actually landed intact, but the crews were less lucky. One of these babies succeeded in landing on General Paulus' command centre, crushing and killing him. Only one crew member, the loader, actually survived the "controlled crash".

photographer unknown, Izvestya, 1942