R.I.P. Chance - 12/12/2020

My dog Chance died today.

Having not been there when he got put down isn’t really helping it set in any. It’ll probably only really set in when I go to visit my mom on my birthday, and the home is just incredibly empty without him. That’s only two days from now as well.

He was kind of the dog that always really wanted attention, and could be really whiney, but he was also really cute. He had a bit of this clueless look in his eye all the time but it’s what made him really endearing. He just always liked crawling on your lap or being in your arms. He just really enjoyed affection and making you feel better.

I just keep replaying in my head the first time I ever seen him because it was so similar to how I met my first dog. (I technically had more before my two childhood dogs, but I can barely remember them to feel like they were my first. These were the two dogs that truly felt like mine and the family pets because of how long they stayed).

My mom and step-dad were just on the couch, I came home from my dads, and they had a dog on the couch, and I asked “Who’s dog is that?”. It happened both times, and both times it turned out to be our dog I loved it each time. I had a suspicion the second time but I didn’t want to make assumptions.

I believe I was 7 when we got Chance. That’s still really early into my life, and it felt like he was around for a lot longer.

When we got our first dog Benji, he was a Miniature Schnauzer, and I recalled saying “Wow I always wanted one”, which is a lie, I loved Benji so much, and I felt like he was more my dog how Chance was more my moms just judging on who they hanged out with more. But I actually wanted a Weiner dog, just because I thought the name was funny, and that’s what Chance was, and that really excited me. It made me excited and really happy that they got me one. Chance, immediately, was in my heart, and special to me, just the same as Benji.

Those two memories have been stuck in my head since they happened. I could practically feel those being recorded as it was happening, like my subconscious knew how important they would be to me.

He had such a unique personality, and was really different from Benji. Benji was always an easy going, sleepy dog, that reaaaally didn’t like it when someone was hurting him. He’d bite, and he bit a few kids who were being so hard on him. But Chance was all bark all the time, and he was really hyper, and really wanted attention.

The two of them, while they were both still alive were just fantastic. And Benji died first due to stomach cancer I believe. Which we had no clue about because he always just seemed fine as he always was.

But Chance was the one that had more health issues. When Chance got old it was very obvious, and he took a decline very soon after Benji died. He was so clearly depressed without having his brother around. Chance’s teeth all came out because of some gum disease that Chance had (which had started before Benji died but still). He had problems with his bowels. His eye sight was getting bad.

There’s been talks of putting him down for a while, and it was really often where I’d just blank out and get incredibly sad over visioning getting the phone call. When I did get the phone call, even though I was able to acknowledge and process it was real, it didn’t feel completely real. I cracked during that call and did my best not to let my mom hear me.

I could barely tell Chance how much I loved him because I was so choked up from crying, but he heard me, and reacted to me. I really wish that wasn’t the last time I’d ever interact with him, but I knew I wouldn’t be up in time to see him be put down. I just wish I wasn’t separated from him for so long before he died so I could’ve seen him more. Every time I visited my moms I tried to appreciate him as much as I could because I knew what was going to happen sooner rather than later.

Both of my childhood dogs are dead.

I can’t ever pet them again.

And it really feels like my childhood is just even more dead and gone now. I am an adult, but there’s always that feeling sometimes where you don’t really process that. At least in my experience. I’ve dealt with such bad anxiety and depression I’ve never been able to go to college or get a job, I’ve applied for disability cause it’s been so bad. So I never had a job to feel properly adult in that mental realization way.

Going back to my mom’s house, my childhood home, and not being able to see my childhood dogs makes life feel so hallow. Now my world feels so empty, and I’m so close to tears just writing this.

I’m going to miss Chance so so much. I’m going to miss Benji so so much. I’m going to miss both of them so entirely much.

Every day I remember I can’t see them anymore hurts me. It’s only day one for Chance, but I’m hurting so much. I don’t like how I can say that and have that be reality. It makes my stomach just feel so heavy, and my heart ache. Like it physically feels that way.

I feel like less of a person without them.

I’ll never forget them.

I’ll love them forever.

I’ll love Benji forever.

And I’ll love Chance forever.

Rest in Peace, my boys.

I’ll love you two for my entire eternity.

yeah people shouldn't give up

but they also have to get smarter about the game plan

if you don't do things smartly, it's gonna be hard to reach more people to even think people are going to need help, or even be deserving of help. that's the horror of it

i think ultimately the biggest problem when it comes to political elections like this is how everyone gets at each others throats, and how it's all basically a sports team

most of the population of the planet i would imagine run off of emotion and not thought

and ultimately that's what led to this elections downfall

mix that with billionaire's and influential successful people giving him praise, along with trump's theatrics, and trump made the better campaign for the general public

Do I think he ran a good campaign based on what I look for? No.

but i think a lot of people forget when you want someone's vote you can't just target people who were going to vote for you already to begin with. you have to be able to speak to people who wouldn't normally vote for you

trump is crass, a jackass, a bastard, a shit head, and fits nicely into plenty of other insults

But he knows what the general person wants to hear more I think

the general person doesn't care that he's crass in presentation, they're probably crass too. i'd imagine most people at this point are crass. i'm pretty crass sometimes to try and make a friend laugh on the occasion

and if someone likes you, they're willing to not believe accusations against you. it happens all the time in all sorts of ways. so i can't pretend to be shocked people voted for him despite the numerous amount of crimes he's committed.

because ultimately, as embarrassing as it may seem for some, sometimes you have to get down on other people's levels, and not try to seem above them

yelling about how bad white people are, and how bad christians are wasn't ever going to make them want to vote for you

i'm aware plenty of people within those demographics can see without the emotional tinted lens, and be able to tell what people really mean when saying some of the ruder things about them

but again, most people run off of emotion

you can't insult them, and not expect them to root against you. that's, to be perfectly honest, really stupid. i constantly think that's stupid, and i don't think there's any other way to look at it

you're making yourself look pretentious, and above them. you're making yourself their enemy, not someone who just wants them to understand to better themselves.

too many won't want to vote for you then

that's not going to make anyone want to understand you, if they feel you're against them naturally. it's antagonistic behavior. and there's a lot of white people and a lot of men in America. mix that with all the other hot topics that can get to them on an emotional level that could get someone on their side and you've lost them before you really begun

i know he's a literal billionaire, and not on their level at all in that sort of viewpoint

but you can't play dumb, and think getting to people on a visceral emotional level isn't gonna make them look past that. people will look past anything

is it not smart? of course

clearly people should look at the logic people bring, and their opinions on actual policies based on fact and not emotion. being hinged on emotion is not the smart way to proceed in anyway.

but stop thinking everyone thinks with logic, because they don't. they just don't. it's not how most people work. you can't play the game with ignorance to that, because you're missing the whole point on how you get more people rooting for you.

plus the inflation during biden's tenure, and kamala being in the odd spot of having to say she'll do better while not trashing the current presidency because she's the vice president, and she didn't really have a chance to look strong. she was stuck in a hard place

then add the whole rooting for your sports team thing, where it doesn't matter WHAT anyone says, and you got yourself a shit show

the best thing American can do is abolish the whole political party system, but that's incredibly unlikely to happen because of how strong the sports team is

if it was just people saying their cause, it'd be better, because then you could get someone with more nuanced opinion, that could speak and connect with different types of people based on the causes they personally care more about

but we don't have that

so it's pretty fucked.

the whole system is built and ran, and conducted, and is engaged in, very unhelpful ways. that'll likely always allow batshit crazy candidates like this to win.

I wish I could, but I have nothing to recommend lmao I haven't read fan fictions in a long long time. And I barely ever had to begin with

Best of luck, homie. I hope you can find it

my old Club Penguin account had "CP" in the name, 'cause Club Penguin, it's the initials but that must've looked hella suspect in hindsight

i sort of forgot i had actual interactions with the entire original creative team of the 2019 Young Justice revival

Mainly Patrick Gleason