My therapist said that if you punch your pillow, you’re putting all your negative energy in it and putting your head on it will get you nightmares
you should get a better therapist
you should weaponise the nightmare pillows
i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second
anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk
and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something
paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.
i say, paul.
is that a nerf gun.
yeah, says paul.
i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.
he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?
and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–
a foam dart hits me in the leg.
i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.
i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.
no dart this time. okay. sweet.
so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it
anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.
every therapist is in a toxic relationship with me
It doesn't, at all. But it does help you survive to fight for another day.
therapist: so, how have you been coping with your anxiety lately?
Me, nervously: Well… I’ve been trying to treat myself like a nervous cat…
therapist, stifling a goodnatured laugh: Oh? can you explain that to me?
Me: Well… if you have a nervous cat, the first thing you do is make sure their environment is safe and remove stressors… and you make sure they have enough food and water and places to hide… and you provide some enrichment in case they need to work out energy…
Therapist: And how are you applying that to yourself?
Me: Um. If I feel anxious, I’ll see if I need to back out of any sites or conversations, enforce my boundaries… check my environment for flashing lights or painful noises… make sure I’m hydrated and have eaten… and work on a hobby
Therapist: those are all excellent things! You’re a nervous cat and you need care and kindness!
Me, nervously: Well…
I’ve been trying to treat myself
like a nervous cat…
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
[id: a tweet from twitter user tristan (@ ariesteeth) that says, "yes, normalize therapy. but also make therapy more affordable, if not free. far too many people turn away from therapy because visits with a therapist cost hundreds of dollars a visit.
mental health care should not be a luxury item. "
The timestamp at the bottom of the tweet says it was posted at 8:20 PM on the 22nd of December 2019. end id]
