*puts hand on your shouder* its ok dont cry. I know what it feels like to get run over by a car one million times. Forwards and backwards. Until you get really flat and dont have any blood left.
I dont care if thats not what youre going through. I just wanted to say something crazy. Can i have a few dollars from your wallet
voicemail from my boss: your performance is so abysmal we're not even firing you we've skipped straight to sending the GHOULS unit after you. may god have mercy on you
landlord from outside my door: oouuhhh auuhhhh hnnnn uhh nnhh eeee heee heee (wheezing in pain from bear trap i placed for him)
me humminh to myself at my computer: iiii wanna rocking roll all niiight. and part of every day :) alexa google "hunter biden spit for sale"
all beverages should come in tall cans or glass bottles
i want a diet coke can the size of an arizona can
us senators should suffer more
cisgenders may reblog but dont clown in the notes
AITA? My doctor said I needed a COVID test and had me pee on a stick that he put in his pocket before asking me to leave.
Sorry i just saw the words COVID test and got so honry i passed out!
Can we please stay on topic here
YTA
my shareholders want me.fuckong dead
the point of horror is wet wet sticky wet disgusting wet sex sex sex cum wet yucky sex sex vampire bat sex sex meat werewolf vampire sex werewolf creature creature cum sex wet sticky raw meat
the internet is five just five people in a room losing their entire fucking minds slowly and slower now
yeah guys its looking like he got runned over and beated up and belly flopped in a pool and tore his acl his achilles tendons are gone anvil fell on his head air got sucked out of his lungs run over by a steamroller till he was flat dragged behind a horse piano crushed him set on fire bear mauled him for his picnic basket drank poison crashed a car into a wall that looked like a tunnel blowed up by tnt shot out of a cannon fell off a cliff for a long time and hit the ground with a big puff of dust and electrocuted and theres no remains
and his vitals? did you check your ABCs?
yeah detective no ass no Boobs no cock
...... NO SERVICE! Lol
ive got four bars sir
this guy's had four beers?
the bear brought backup?
Put your cock in a fishnet girl. Shake it four times
is this a drink mixing tutorial
It is whatever you want it to be
i don’t think i should be allowed on tumblr during the wee hours of the night
[id: screenshot of a tumblr draft which reads as follows: she's slonked eme silly she's sonkyed me willy she's gone all around town she call that hobo billy. end id.]
its important to notice thematic parallels and symbolism and foreshadowing in your own life❗
im suffering from lesbian sickness can i see your thang girl please
im suffering from
lesbian sickness can i
see your thang girl please
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Oh but if I tried to open a PUSSY’S sporting goods how would that play out? 🤨
ohhhhum i don’t know…. sorry *puts my hands in my pocket* *walks away glumly *walks into a parking lot*seagull attack
that kid you bullied? he does free yaoi art for kids in poverty.
whoa girl you're like, not a girl but yes a girl but not any other gender but still not a girl in the way that a girl is a girl but still a girl and not a girl at the same time
do you wanna make out?
may the 1st be with you lol
may the 2th be with you lol
may the 3st be with you lol
cinco the mayo be with you lol
