(315): I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight….
(908): Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
(303): just walked past a black light…apparently he DID cum.
(423): I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight… I was on a mission. Don’t even pretend you aren’t proud.
(586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
(603): did i tell you guys i finally 69’ed for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
(484): It shouldn’t be this hard to find someone who you haven’t blown.
(415): dude. that’s the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn’t matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
(703): Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
(314): He just said “I can’t wait to penetrate you tomorrow” I sat in silence for a second…he attempted to save it by saying “I can’t wait to enter you”.
(403): Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
(614): Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
(734): He just fucked me into paralysis. can’t feel my hands or face.
(765): I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof “Captain Cock”
(920): Heading there now. Already have a boner.
(708): No, I’m not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I’m the whore.
(512): I’ll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.