(+44): i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
(920): Heading there now. Already have a boner.
(508): I called him my big strong man today. It’s all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
(703): was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling “hello sexuals” to everyone who passed??
(540): HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
(516): I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I’m so horny I think I might die
(703): It wasn’t my fault.
(330): You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
(419): IT’S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
(386): If I get back to the house before you, I’m setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it’s chains and cuffs.
(330): I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
(562): I want to get drunk and watch somebody else’s tragedy.
(603): Who the fuck stole my fridge again?
(218): Look don’t ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
(248): i swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
(617): I’m about to sell my hamster for weed money I’ll call you in a few
(516): he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
(717): this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
(719): So here I am, sexting at work.