(540): Well I’m nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
(1-540): It’s a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
(415): dude. that’s the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn’t matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
(580): You microwaved all of my silverware, I don’t care if you spent all your money on tequila, you’re paying for this.
(918): You win. I am a lesbian who may be slightly jaded. I didn’t mean to throw the knife at your head.
(405): We’ll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
(660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
(816): ..So we should take it off YouTube?
(240): He should know he can’t successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
(+44): No I didn’t say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn’t say anything about it being safe. It’s not my fault if you weren’t listening properly.
(217): Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
(609): You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, “Pretty accurate, huh ladies?”
(252): DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, WATCH CLOWN PORN.
(443): and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.