big spooky fan, me

if i was a vampire i would be so scared to shapeshift into a swarm of bats because what if i get stuck like that

what if my penis goes missing

thats why they call it transylvania

i appreciate twilight as a widely-known meme-rich text but when i am talking about vampires i never want to be talking about twilight and someone alwaaaaayyyys brings it up like shut up thats something different

twilight is about vampires but it isn’t about draculas. number one (#1) vampire story blunder committed

i would argue that twilight is about cullens, which are a sort of convergent evolution situation with vampires, and that draculas are a subspecies of vampire that includes your lestats and your carmillas and your blades and your spike/darla/angels and such but not your nosferatus or orlocks

a nosferatu is like a dracula bigfoot

wait I can actually mean that. stoker writes dracula back in the old-timey days. murnau makes nosferatu as a legally distinct adaptation in the 20s. hammer horror comes along in the 50s and defines the popular imagination of draculas around it, including a movement toward sexy and away from the grotesque monstrosity of nosferatu and traditional vampire folklore. nosferatu is exactly a dracula bigfoot.

@re-dracula

@mrghostrat Crowley does tend to be a kinda reckless driver 🥲😅

There is no bad, there is no good I drank all the blood that I could Made myself mythical, tried to be real

we need more vampire stuff that’s set really really far north on the planet. the potential… we don’t have any sunlight for a couple of months every year so they would literally be able to walk around during the day and no one would know…

"Oh but its so cold-" vampires literally wouldn't care. They would be attracting their victims by being dressed too lightly and people would be all like "oh no you are too cold, you are already cold to the touch, come inside" and then the vampire could be all "bleh!"

vampirism poses the question "what if there was a fundamental, horrible, unending well of want in your soul that, if truly satisfied, would lead to great pain for all those you hold closest and, in turn, their absolute and total revilement of you?" and naturally as a person with no problems I don't relate to this in any way at all.

vampirism also poses the question "what if someone you loved, through no fault of their own, needed something from you, and giving it to them and seeing them happy provided you the greatest joy, and you were the only one who could do it, but at the same time it was slowly draining all your life out of you?" which is also a completely unrelatable idea to me because I'm a normal person with no issues.

vampires have been drinking human blood for centuries they don't give a fuck about guys on eight different antidepressants. they were sucking on asbestos factory workers

The absolutely hilarity of imagining some older vampires hectoring younger ones. “Back in my day, I had to drink blood with radium in it and I liked it! We glowed in the damn dark for weeks!”

I want to see a work of fiction that reverses the "vampires are snobby upper class, werewolves are brutish lower class" stereotypes

Consider a vampire's reliance on blood as a metaphor for living paycheck-to-paycheck and depending on the kindness of others to get by, and the desparation that can make one slip into taking.

@tiredspacedragon's tags.

[Image description: Tags reading:

#meanwhile werewolves who like #treat the full moon like a monthly vacation#or like aristocrats on a hunting trip #claiming unnecessarily large swaths of land as territory #or just throwing their weight around wherever they please #waking up the next morning either oblivious#or entirely indifferent #to the devastation#environmental and personal #they've left in their wake #maybe even doing it on purpose#most dangerous game-ing people #just to keep the wolf 'stimulated' #something like this?

A gif from Pacific Rim, where Stacker Pentecost says "You, keep talking.]

If anyones interested in learning about the first black vampire short story, published in 1819, heres a link to the wiki, its called The Black Vampyre, and its about a former slave turned vampire who seeks revenge on his slave master. Its actually a first in many categories!

you can read the story itself here

Not only is it the first Black vampire story, it's the first comedic vampire story, the first story to include a mixed race vampire, the first vampire story by an American author, and probably the first anti-slavery short story. Some scholars believe that the text was written in response to John William Polidori's The Vampyre.

Here is the actual pdf from the site since you have to click around from the above link to actually get to it

Conversation that Tumblr is not ready for:

I scrolled past that before realizing op was being literal and not just making some kind of weird joke

Oh please, "the penetration of the vampire's bite as metaphor for sexual penetration" is like, horny classic vampire symbolism 101 🙄 Taking this to the next level of "vampire bite as literal reproductive penetration" is a conversation Tumblr is thoroughly and uniquely prepared for and one that we will all severely regret very shortly

Oh, I’m ready to be a spectator for this conversation. I’m ready. 

So, when a vampire doesn’t want to become a vaddy, they use a set of these, right?

SIR.