So, I'm trans. And several years ago, I was at my great grandfather's funeral. 17, newly on T, barely out to anyone other than my close friends and family. And I'm standing there at the refreshment's table, surrounded by strangers and members of my family's church, when George walks up to me.

This man is ancient, bent like a finger and frail. Tufts of white hair surround his wrinkled face. Like always, he's wearing thick glasses, massive hearing aids, and his veteran's hat. George was my first introduction to the concept of war, when he told me as a child why he was missing two fingers on his hand. He's been a fixture at church since I can remember. I've only ever seen him at there or in uniform at parades, the rest of his time spent in a nursing home somewhere. He picks up a deviled egg and says, in his quiet voice,

"You know, before your grandfather died, he told me that now he had 3 grandsons."

I'm frozen in place. I don't know what to say to that, if I should say anything at all. This is not a conversation I expected to have, especially not with this man. But he continues.

"I didn't know what he meant! So he explained it to me."

And I can imagine it. My great grandfather, uninformed and opinionated but supportive, explaining to his friend the news he barely understood himself over after-service coffee and cookies. His eldest grandchild was now a boy.

"And, you know, I didn't know what to think."

Here, George looks me up and down. This 90-something year old war veteran, who knew me mostly as the little girl playing in the church kitchen with his wife, processing what my great grandfather had really meant. It feels like a long pause, even thought it probably passed in a second.

"But you look good. So, eh!"

And then he smiled, shrugged, and walked away without another word. If I was fine, if I was happier, then that's all that mattered.

George passed away this week, at the age of 99. This memory has been bouncing around in my head for a while, but I wasn't sure if or how I should share it. It was a conversation that meant very little, but also meant the world. It was scary, and funny, and the moment when I realized that sometimes the people you least expect will accept you. Sometimes, even if they don't fully understand, even if they barely know you, someone will choose to support you. And that will always matter.

i made a thing

I made some additions

Good additions

Good morning to the trans man loudly slamming his girlfriend in the bunk above convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell, and ONLY the trans man loudly slamming his girlfriend in the bunk above convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell

Batman: I need to make this billionaire sex trafficker miserable, AND I need to give my girlfriend an orgasm, but I don't have much time!

[beat]

Batman:

Tragic news: They moved Batman out of convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell's cell

Funny news: The replacement hates her too because she's literally stinky

Every time I see that "bees and ants don't have human genders" thing I beat my head against something. No animal has human genders, guys. *NO* animal.

Sex is what gametes an animal produces, and phenotype is a way the animal's body develops (may or may not be sex-related). "Gender" isn't applicable because gender applies sheerly to human social roles. Animals can have sex-linked behaviors and sex-linked phenotypes, but neither is going to map to human gender.

That's not unique to eusocial insects. There are other animals with multiple phenotypes per sex (e.g. ruffs). There are animals with multiple phenotypes and, for the majority of them, no sex (e.g. trematodes). There are animals with one phenotype that is both sexes (e.g. snails). There are animals that have one phenotype per sex, but different individuals will have wildly different sex-linked behaviors (e.g. animals with satellite males). There are animals with two phenotypes that may not even be linked to the sexes (e.g. white-throated sparrows)!

And even among animals with one phenotype, one set of sex-linked behaviors per sex? They still don't have human gender roles. In emus, females are the larger, stronger ones who court and fight over the males. Even mammals with "typical" male and females behaviors have peculiar quirks that don't correspond to human behavior (in lions, hunting is a female's role, not a male's).

And let's not forget, the vast majority of animals are solitary. Their "gender roles," as expected of each other, begin and end with courtship. In all other respects, their behaviors are identical. Hell, most have nearly identical phenotypes, too! Your human "gender" does not apply to a cat!

To clarify, that doesn't mean there aren't animals that act contrarily to behavior typically linked to their sex. Freemartins are cows that act like bulls! But does the freemartin identify as a trans bull, or a butch cow? *That's* where human gender plays in.

Since I keep having to say this is replies: I think a problem here is that some of you really don't know that across cultures, there are different ways of looking at gender than just "cis" and "trans." There are two-spirit, hijra, kathoey, etc.

Not to mention sometimes even cis people don't adhere to all gender roles. Not to mention gender roles can change.

Not to mention intersex people exist.

"Does The Way Christians Use Capitalized He/Him For God Count As A Neopronoun" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate,

everyone on this site like "we LOVE weird genders give me weird genders I love boydykes and girlfags" and then a transfem person with a beard will call herself a lesbian. or a bigender person will identify with being gay in both directions. or a gay man calls his partner his wife. or a butch lesbian connects too closely to manhood for your comfort (or a butch exists, in general). or someone just has a weird and contradictory relationship between their gender, sexuality, and sex in a way that you don't understand

and then you all shit bricks and start sobbing and wailing.

An informational comic I illustrated for my comics 2 class about drag!

gerard p donelan

The divine act of creation. To craft and mold yourself to completion.

I don’t mean any of this in a weird way but if we’re interested in breaking down binaries, we can’t cling onto the binary of cis versus trans. If gender expectations are as constrictive as we say they are, then this imagined class of people who are okay with gender expectations 100% of the time with no complications is just that. Imagined. It’s similar to “neurotypical” as an imagined class of people who are completely comfortable with the social and mental expectations of their jobs and would never understand what it’s like to get overwhelmed or feel out of place. The unintended implication is an obsession with labelling and pathologizing that says that it’s not gender or workplace norms that need to be interrogated, it’s you.

The truth is that you can be outside the binary without formally committing to calling yourself nonbinary. I am a cis gay man who feels most comfortable and affirmed when I’m free to wear earrings and garments I bought in the “women’s” section. I tell people my pronouns are he/him because it’s the simplest explanation, but they/them and even she/her are comfortable, even validating, in the right circumstances. There are a lot of cis gay men just like me. Am I actually nonbinary and just in denial? No. Being a gay man is deeply meaningful to me. Am I encouraging nonbinary to start calling themselves cis and questioning whether they’re actually nonbinary? No, and I feel more comfortable in my own manhood knowing I have the option to leave. I just want us all to define ourselves on our own terms. I want celebrate common ground and shared queerness with trans people and not have to overstate our differences. We treat it as a political and moral obligation to fine tune our labels for the sake of establishing who’s allowed to say what, who’s allowed to relate to who, and I have to ask: Are we committed to breaking down boundaries or not?

[Tweet by Gillian Branstetter reads “If enforcing gender norms requires a constant state of surveillance and censorship then they probably aren’t as biological or innate as you think they are]

Being trans is literally like going “I got a tattoo of a cat bc they are my favorite animal :)” and then a nationwide movement is created to go “but do you have proof that cats are your favorite animal? If we don’t have objective proof that cats are your favorite animal how can we know it’s okay to let you permanently alter your body? We should make tattoo parlors illegal because people might get tattoos of things that aren’t their actual favorite animal” like you realize you all sound insane right

“Nonbinary people don’t owe you gender neutrality” means “nonbinary people can have full beards and look 110% masc and not tuck and still be nonbinary” just as much as it means “nonbinary people can have long hair and wear makeup and have boobs and still be nonbinary”

Nonbinary does not mean “feminine lite” it means “nonbinary”

This post was specifically aimed at the INTENSE double standard within the community.

I can’t even think of a fluffy way to say this but if a nonbinary person is masculine presenting without being gnc in some way, they’re thrown under the bus. By transphobes, by allies, by the community. 99% of comments or replies to a post about nonbinary gender presentation are always some flavor of “let nonbinary people be feminine” Which is good!

But when every discussion and every post and every media portrayal is “feminine person that wears fancy makeup and either binds or wears sports bras” it’s a problem!!! Just get it out of your head that nonbinary is “woman lite” or “gender neutral afab” or “masc but only if they’re super gnc about it”

Girls can be handsome. It's all about vibes.

Similarly, boys can be pretty. "Handsome" and "pretty" aren't gendered adjectives and I will fight someone on this

YES EXACTLY!

AND you can be both, I have seen some men who are chisled and handsome but their eyes are soft and luminous and their eyelashes go for miles, and women so shining and beautiful but then they bust out this GUN SHOW that makes my heart stop and it just blows my mind.