happy Gon day!
This entire scene emotionally destroyed me but there's one part in particular that was like taking a knife to an already open wound.
So, Gon shuts down after the reveal that Kite was dead all along and his stunned and racing mind is disjointed and contradictory. Most of his statements fit into roughly three categories of desperate thoughts:
- Vehement inability to process that Kite is dead. From the statement being repeated multiple times to the amount of "no"s everywhere on these pages.
- Taking the blame for Kite's death, in a frankly horrifying show of self-hatred (especially given the context of what comes next).
- Blaming Pitou and proclaiming that he "didn't do it" in an attempt to absolve the weight of his guilt.
Heartbreaking. But there's one thought here that's a bit different.
Throughout all of this, Gon has been adamant that Kite, and by extension the situation, can be "fixed" - after all, most every issue that's come up before on his adventures could be resolved nicely. But now, suddenly, it can't. Gon can't stand feeling powerless or helpless, and now he finds himself more helpless than he's ever been. And we get this.
"Somebody help me."
Gon is independent. Gon has a burning need to prove his worth through his own strength. Gon has a bad habit of equating "taking responsibility" with fixing things all by himself and rejecting help from others.
Gon has never pleaded for someone to save him before.
And it's just. Holy shit. Holy shit - he's a kid. He's just a kid. And in just a few pages, he's going to make a despair-fueled decision to throw away his life just to regain any semblance of power over a situation that was doomed to be unfixable from the start. He says, "Let it end. I don't care what happens to me now.", because this is the only way he can think of to make his pain and his guilt and Pitou all just stop, by losing himself to all of his power instead of his grief.
100th time i try a new style and have to do an entire lineup and then forget to use it. exam main 4 and their haters
