Being asexual is like being the designated driver in a nightclub.
Everyone else: dancing, flirting, making out
Me: Y’all want water? Snacks? An Uber home?
Being ace is just standing in the middle of society’s obsession with sex like, 'I’m just here for snacks and memes, y’all are doing the most.’
Asexuality: The ultimate plot twist.
Them: I bet I can seduce you. 😉
Me: Bold of you to assume I’m even in this genre
At first glance, Death Note seems like a battle between two geniuses locked in an intense game of psychological manipulation.
But by the 66th rewatch, you realize it’s just two average dudes constantly overthinking everything... with overly dramatic music blaring in the background.
Me: I have so much to do, I’m so overwhelmed!
Also me: Takes a nap to deal with the stress of doing nothing.
Life hack: If you ignore your problems long enough, you’ll create new ones to focus on instead.
Some people meditate to clear their mind. I clear my mind by staring at a wall like a Victorian ghost.
My productivity style is called chaotic last-minute energy. It’s not efficient, but it’s mine.
Anxiety: What if it goes wrong?
Me: What if I just don’t show up? Problem solved.
Me: I’m really bad at multitasking.
Also me: Simultaneously stressed, depressed, and overwhelmed like a pro.
My anxiety and procrastination fighting over who gets to ruin my life today.
This is my reaction when faced with a problem :
1. Denial
2. Mild panic
3. Pure panic with drama
4. Proceeeds to ignore and never actively acknowledge the existence of any such problem for the rest of my life
Ps : I know you guys will want to kill me for making you choose but what can I say, I am a deranged monster
*laughs manically under the blanket
There are two types of cats:
1. The cat who stares lovingly at you.
2. The cat who stares like they’re plotting your demise. Mine is somehow both."
My cat’s life goals: Sleep 18 hours a day, be worshipped, and occasionally destroy something for no reason. Goals achieved.
My cat knocked over a cup, watched it spill, then looked at me like I was the one being dramatic about it.
You don’t own a cat. You’re just a live-in staff member for their kingdom.