According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, in eight out of 10 rape cases, on average, the victim knew the person who assaulted them. This statistic means that victims of sexual assault are likely to encounter their abuser again, whether in a scenario in which the abuser is being confronted, such as a court case, or, perhaps more likely, in an everyday setting, like school, or a workplace gathering. In the case of campus sexual violence, according to statistics from RAINN, only 20% of female students report incidents of rape or sexual violence to law enforcement, while victims outside of a school system are even less likely to report incidents.
When possible, reporting assault is important, but it can feel like the start of a very long battle, and everyday life is impossible to avoid when you’re deciding what to do in the aftermath of a sexual assault. Talking to friends and family is possible is a great solution, but in cases where someone in your circle or community is the abuser, it can sometimes feel inevitable that you’ll run into them again. The best action to take, Talkspace therapist Rachel O'Neill, Ph.D., LPCC-S says, is to remove yourself from the situation entirely. Though it might feel unjust that you have to exit a room when they enter, taking care of yourself, emotionally and physically, should always take priority.
But in cases where a swift exit isn’t possible, such as a classroom setting, it’s possible to move around the unfortunate situation with strength.
“The key is to remind yourself that you’re safe, your abuser can’t hurt you, and you have control over yourself,” says O'Neil, on incidents where you see your abuser in a normal setting. “I really recommend having a number of physical grounding techniques, like holding a stress ball or running cold water over your hands, and emotional/mental grounding skills, like saying the alphabet backwards or reciting your favorite poem to yourself, that are part of your daily routine (practice, practice, practice!) so that you can use them when you need them.”
Being prepared is key, TalkSpace’s Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S says. She recommends becoming intimately familiar with the setting where you’re likely to run into them so you can move around without issue, and having a friend or someone you trust with you when you’re assuming you’ll run into your abuser, and mentally reaching for visualizations of scenarios where you feel at ease. She also notes that you should never leave a place before your abuser leaves.
