Count Suckula Suckfest

After watching the one with Bela Legosi, we watched the Spanish language version of Dracula: Drácula. It was filmed at the same time by Universal, just earlier in the day. And it should be just as popular! It’s funnier, utilizes the sets better, and the actors are more expressive.

Instead of reviewing it, I’m just going to post commentary from the relative I watched it with and myself. Guess which ones I said:

“It the dungeon. Or crypt. Look, it’s the bee.” “I think that’s a Jerusalem cricket.” “Really?” *Conde Drácula gets out of coffin* “Look, it’s the mist. I bet he smells awful.” “That’s a steam bath.”
“He’s a goth. He’s the OG goth.” “HAHAHA. He certainly looks funnier than Bella [sic] Lugosi.”
“‘Have some of my Cheerwine, Sr. Renfield.’”
*dinner at Castillo Drácula* “I thought that was chicken at first.” “Me too.” “[It’s] stale-ass bread.”
Dracula: “I am only taking three boxes.” “One’s a tampon box… [The door] looks kind of yonic.”
“Bang, bang, bang went the- No! Fang, fang, fang went the trolley~”
“There’s the steam bath, as you called it.” “Remember when Sting came out of the steam high as a kite in Dune? Yeah, it’s exactly like that.”
“When does the Babadook show up?” *Drácula appears in a top hat* “Oh my God, there he is.”
*Renfield laughs uproariously at the Seward Sanitarium* “Reminds me of me when I was a child.”
“Martín looks like a milk man.”
*on Renfield* “I think he has a protein deficiency and that’s why he acts like that and the milk man should help him.”
*Renfield clings to a chair and shudders* “Aw, reminds me of when [our dog] shakes during a thunderstorm. Not around wolves, though, probably. She’d try to befriend them.”
*Eva is revealed to have bite marks* “To be honest, I would be more worried about rabies than becoming a vampire.” *later* “Do you think Drácula is vaccinated?”
Drácula: “Aren’t you feeling well?” “You know I’m not, bitch.”
*Dracula asks for Seward’s forgiveness after throwing the mirrored cigarette box* “He is ugly and he is not proud.”
*points to Juan* “Look at his knickerbockers. Like he’s going to go golfing.” “Those are his night britches. His night knickerbockers. His nightbockers, if you will.”
*Renfield guffaws* “There he goes-” “There he goes again!” “-heckling away.”
*Seward is scared for Eva* “His [sperm] count is low. He can’t make another one.”
*Juan tries to comfort Eva* “Ew, she’s wearing shoes on the furniture.”
*Drácula goes into Eva’s room* “Oh God, it’s that per/vert from the ballet.”